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Tag: tweets

  • The Scream, T-Ball, and Tip Jars

    The Scream, T-Ball, and Tip Jars

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    BREAKING: The Scream responds angrily to press question about its relationship with the Mona Lisa. “We’re just friends, nothing more.”(image) 5 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Tip Jars should really be called Put-Money-in-This-While-I’m-Watching-So-You-Can-Feel-Good-About-Yourself Jars(image) 53 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    To save his reputation, John Edwards must prove he didn’t violate campaign finance laws while cheating on his dying wife.(image) 8 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Today is the National Day of Prayer. I wonder what God’s ‘Fail Whale’ looks like.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    America! Today is the National Day of Prayer! All day, right here on this account, I will be answering prayers! Usually with “no”!(image) 7 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’m stuck in the longest T-ball trophy drought of my life.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Discipline Daddy #ArrestedDevDerbyNames(image) 20 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Wherever there is injustice in the world, Americans will rise up against it by changing their profile pictures.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Amazing hats are pretty much the only reason I want to go to the Kentucky Derby. Oh, and the drinking.(image) 21 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I think The Scream was a good investment. It’ll look great in my guest house bathroom.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Edvard Munch’sThe Scream sold for $120 million. Immense! You could remake half of “John Carter” for that!(image) 18 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    the new york times has a great article about how print media will outlast the internet behind their paywall.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I truly thought I met my friends baby because I was following the mother on instagram.(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Tyler Perry, Game of Thrones, and Google Street View

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Tyler Perry’s Why Did My Studios Burn Down(image) 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Kentucky Derby this weekend. I bet the mainstream media covers it like a horserace.(image) 4 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I hope Jessica Simpson’s daughter has a great first day in college today.(image) 5 hours ago via Favstar.FM ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Newt Gingrich suspended his presidential campaign in order to devote his time to fighting the evil fat-free mayonnaise corporations.(image) 58 minutes ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Exclusive: Work is being done on next Call of Duty game. It will take place in a war-time setting, and should be announced within 18 months.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I hope the mom who brought her 5-year-old into the tanning booth learned her lesson. Next time, she’ll leave her alone in the car.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    So wait, if Roger Clemens gets off, does Andy Pettitte get credited with a save?(image) 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Jaleel White was eliminated from “Dancing with Stars” last night. I tried to tell him to go as Stephan but noooooooo.(image) 5 hours ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    My favorite moment in the last Game of Thrones was when Khaleesi decides to bootstrap her ocean-crossing startup instead of taking VC.(image) 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPad ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    No one was hurt in the fire at Tyler Perry’s studios, in fact, he just signed a deal to produce five more nearly identical blazes.(image) 29 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Newt Gingrich bows out of Presidential race to focus on being the world’s largest high-fructose corn syrup storage silo.(image) 12 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Google Street View cars have been monitoring your private Wi-Fi signals… Beautiful. Unethical. Dangerous. Wish I’d thought of it.(image) 1 hour ago via Batcomputer ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Jugglers are Earth’s first line of defense against small, spherical aliens.(image) 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Sometimes I feel like a fat guy trapped in fat guy’s body.(image) 2 hours ago via WhoSay ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Pentametron Retweets in Iambic Pentameter

    Normally bots are a bad thing. They are associated with spam, phishing fraud, and identity theft. Rarely do they give us something fun and exciting write about.

    Ranjit Bhatnagar is changing all that with a bot that retweets peoples tweets in iambic pentameter. It is not very often that you would want a bot retweeting your stuff, but in this case it’s all in good fun.

    For you non-Shakespeare people, iambic pentameter is ten syllables with alternating stress meter and is used in Shakespeare’s sonnets. Pentametron uses an algorithm to find and retweet rhyming couplets to form a 14 line sonnet. The result is often accidentally funny and profound at the same time.

    Here is what it looks like…

    sonnet 1

    The Pentametron Twitter account posts retweets of the sonnets in order as they appear. Here is an excerpt of the above sonnet as it appears on Twitter.

    Off to the constitution center son:) 4 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    a sexy morning. breakfast anyone?? 4 hours ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    go download barcelona radio 6 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Done !! Visit BaBeL Archipelago.. 8 hours ago via UberSocial ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    These people are poets and they don’t even know it.

    Pentametron works by stripping the tweets of emoticons and other ASCII noise. It then cross-references each word against the CMU Pronouncing Dictionary to get the stress markers for each line. If the line is in iambic pentameter, it stores it for use. If not it throws it out. It then compares the last syllables to pair them in rhyming couplets. These are then retweeted in chronological order.

    “I think pentametron looks at about a million tweets for each rhymed couplet it finds,” Bhatnagar said to Gawker, “and yet it finds them, reliably, just because millions of people are talking about millions of things.”

    Often, Bhatnagar has to create a list of phrases in iambic pentameter that are used often on Twitter. A phrase like “I wanna see the hunger games again.” can be tweeted by hundreds of people in the course of a few days. He must constantly monitor to make sure they do not appear in all of the sonnets.

    As Bhatnager explains, other Twitter bots will often times post lines from actual sonnets in an effort to spam Twitter feeds. He must monitor to make sure he is not actually ripping off Shakespeare. “Just in the last few days, there’s been a big uptick in spam using texts from actual sonnets and plays in pentameter,” Bhatnagar says. “Pentametron can’t resist them.”

    Pentamtron has been writing sonnets for about a month now. You can view them written out in text at Pentametron.com

    sonnet 2

    [via: Gawker]

  • Titanic II, Sleep Numbers, and Paula Deen

    Titanic II, Sleep Numbers, and Paula Deen

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    The Australian billionaire who is building a replica of Titanic must be stopped if it will mean more Celine Dion.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    It’s almost the perfect weather for us to feel uncomfortable about our bodies!(image) 2 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Instead of being grounded, Jay Z and Beyonce can discipline their new child by sending him to a Brooklyn Nets game.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Kim Kardashian wants to star in a sitcom. I guess her whole existence wasn’t enough of a joke for her.(image) 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Weird that Paula Deen’s birth certificate was filled out with decorative frosting and is a cookie cake.(image) 8 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Anytime Scott Bakula shows up on Yahoo’s “trending now”list I always take a deep breath. Please don’t be dead, Bakula, please don’t be dead.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The job of “milkman” is lost to the ages, and with it, the concept of drinking something a stranger left on your porch the night before.(image) 35 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    When I delete an app on my iPhone,
    the shaking icons make me feel like they’re all panicked over who’s getting deleted.(image) 33 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    BREAKING: Universal has changed BATTLESHIP’s title to AVENGERS AT SEA; similarly, Fox has changed PROMETHEUS to AVENGERS IN SPACE. #AVENGERS(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’m so hungry right now, I’d let Alicia Silverstone spit food into my mouth.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    My sleep number is unlisted.(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPad ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    On the anniversary of Osama bin Laden’s death, it’s important for us to remember just how deadly bullets to the face can be.(image) 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Zerg Rush, John Edwards, and Hot Wings

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.(image) 7 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Next person to tell me to Google “Zerg Rush” will receive a deft roundhouse kick to the face. Please stop.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Philip A. Chick #RomneyRestaurantOwners(image) 7 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    WOULD YOU BE EXCITE TO SEE MARATHON RUNNER RIDING ON DONKEY? THEN WHY YOU SO EXCITE TO SEE SPACE SHUTTLE ON TOP OF PLANE?(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    DID YOU KNOW that John Cusack has now starred in two films based on Edgar Allan Poe short stories? “The Raven” and “Hot Tub Time Machine”.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    On a scale of Kristen Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many facial expressions do you have?(image) 3 hours ago via Mobile Web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    It’s gotten to a point where Octomom’s children would be better off being raised by an actual octopus.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    There’s nothing worse than having to watch the blooper reel of a show you don’t watch.(image) 16 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I like to wait 35 days to favorite a tweet. That way my friends are always
    convinced they’ve lost their touch! 😀(image) 9 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I would rather someone walk in on me taking a shit than have them see me eat a plate of hot wings.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    “bawitdaba da bang da bang diggy diggy diggy,” quoth the raven, quoth, “up jump the raven”(image) 6 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    You would probably never win an anecdote battle against an old Puerto Rican guy with a cane.(image) 3 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Any YouTube clip is six Related Video clicks away from watching a deceased conjoined twins memorial video set to Boyz 2 Men’s One Sweet Day.(image) 4 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Guy Fieri, Take Your Child To Work Day, and Danny DeVito

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Happy National Pretzel Day? I didn’t realise that attempted Presidential assassins got rewarded with their own day(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Wonder how many novels Stephen King wrote this morning.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPad ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    It’s “Take Your Child To Work” day. In Arizona, an erection or a box of tampons qualify.(image) 1 hour ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    As Obama slow-jammed the news on Fallon, I bet Gingrich slowly jammed a meatball sub down his throat while watching Guy Fieri.(image) 23 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    My wife is pissed off at me for peeing in the shower. I didn’t mean to, sometimes it just happens while you’re shitting.(image) 3 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    NFL draft begins tonight. Low rumble you hear in Philadelphia is Eagles fans practicing their booing.(image) 2 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    BURGER KING GO CAGE FREE BY 2017! DRUNK HULK NO BELIEVE IN DISCRIMINATION! NO MATTER HOW AWFUL NIC CAGE IS!(image) 7 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Why would Roger Goodell suspend the Pro Bowl? It’s the one game that has his beloved no contact of any kind.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If TLC’s really going to make a hologram Lisa “Left-Eye” Lopes, they should also make a hologram Andre Rison’s house for it to burn down.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Bobby Brown sentenced to being Bobby Brown in DUI case. Experts say that’s punishment enough.(image) 12 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    “HAHAHA! whoopsies.” — God making Danny DeVito(image) 14 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Today is Take Your Child to Work Day. Sadly, after Luke blew up the Death Star, I can no longer participate in this day.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    You don’t need to put something about wine in your internet bio, we can see that you’re white.(image) 9 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Taunting Tweets Lands Texas Woman in Jail: Twitter Reacts

    It never ceases to amaze me how emboldened people are when they’re posting junk on social media sites like Twitter and Facebook. Users will spout off the dumbest, meanest, and most idiotic quips and comments known to mankind, all because they think they’re safe and sound behind their keyboards.

    Unfortunately for Mahogany Mason-Kelly, that isn’t the case.

    You see, Mason-Kelly had an outstanding warrant, and up until she decided to share this fact with the virtual world, police had yet to catch her. However, all of that changed when this insanely intelligent and impossibly classy lady decided to post the following taunt on her Twitter account:

    I still gotta warrant in pearland..those pigs will NEVER catch me!!!…NEVER!!!

    Looks like she spoke a little too soon.

    Authorities weren’t overly thrilled with Mason-Kelly’s declaration, and decided to look into her case. Turns out she did, in fact, have an outstanding warrant. A few of them, to be exact. Furthermore, when police took her into custody on Friday, they discovered something a bit more alarming: When she was recently pulled over for yet another traffic violation, Mahogany had given officers her sister’s name. This, of course, only added to the woman’s increasingly severe legal woes.

    As a direct result of her cockiness, Mason-Kelly has been hit with $1,877 in fines and $4,000 in bonds. She will appear in court to discuss the matter in the near future. Additionally, her Twitter account has been deleted.

    That, I think, is probably for the best.

    Dear Mahogany Mason-Kelly: If anyone asks you, “How stupid are you?” The answer is “Very. I am really effin’ stupid.” http://t.co/5EHz4Vzh(image) 2 days ago via Digsby ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Cocky woman’s ‘pig’ taunt on Twitter leads to her arrest http://t.co/Yl1GbMo4 via @msnNOW If you have warrants, dont be tweeting stuff!(image) 1 hour ago via Tweet Button ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Be careful what you tweet! #busted http://t.co/zbOqiacq(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Be careful how u use Twitter! “Cocky woman’s ‘pig’ taunt on Twitter leads to her arrest” http://t.co/7r3WAzHI via @msnNOW(image) 3 hours ago via Tweet Button ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Mahogany Mason-Kelly, Famous Last Tweets Part XXVI: Don’t Taunt Cops About Your Warrants http://t.co/FhI00og1(image) 15 hours ago via Facebook ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • WWDC, Paul Newman, and Speed Stick

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Romney after watching Obama on Jimmy Fallon: “Darn it, I’ve got to get on Johnny Carson.”(image) 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    BREAKING: Newt Gingrich is suspending his campaign so he can spend more time being the nougaty filling in a Milky Way bar(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Karma is a boomerang, but dogma is a grenade.(image) 8 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I bet when Johnny Depp dies his only regret will be he didn’t do enough Tim Burton films.(image) 4 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Next year, Apple should just hide the WWDC tickets in Wonka bars.(image) 1 hour ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Fruit for breakfast always seems like a punishment.(image) 7 hours ago via Twitterrific ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    2013: WWDC admission determined by Cupertino Hunger Games. /ht @rob_rix(image) 5 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Newt Gingrich will end his White House bid and apply for a job with the Secret Service.(image) 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    John Edwards may have illegally used campaign $ to hide his mistress & love child. In France he could run on that & win.(image) 1 day ago via Twitter for iPad ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Haven’t heard someone say “Google Drive” in at least 7 minutes; a clear sign that it’s going nowhere.(image) 2 hours ago via Mobile Web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Paul Newman is the Tupac of posthumous dressing releases(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Is it okay to make subtle linguistic stereotype jokes if you’re a lumberjack? I’m axing for a friend.(image) 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Speed Stick is one of a few deodorants that sounds like the name of a washed up rock band from the 70s.(image) 13 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Judge: Your Tweets Aren’t Yours, And Even Your Deleted Tweets Can Be Obtained Without A Warrant

    “While the Fourth Amendment provides protection for our physical homes, we do not have a physical “home” on the Internet.”

    That’s the crux of a decision from New York Criminal Court judge Matthew Sciarrino Jr. Not only that, but when you tweet, you’re giving Twitter the right to distribute all of you information however they please.

    For that reason, prosectors looking to access your tweets (even ones that you’ve deleted) for the purposes of building or bolstering a case against you can snatch them up with a subpoena – and you have no recourse.

    On January 26th, the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office sent a subpoena to Twitter, asking for the user information and tweets (between September 15th and December 31st, 2011) of user @destructuremal, operated by one Malcolm Harris. Harris had been arrested in October 2011 as part of an Occupy Wall Street protest and charged with disorderly conduct.

    A few days later, Twitter told Harris about the subpoena (as they always do except when ordered not to). Soon, Harris decided that he was going to attempt to quash that subpoena.

    That motion has been #denied (that’s how it reads in the official document, no joke).

    The judge acknowledged that there’s no real precedent for a defendant trying to quash a subpoena issued to a third-party social networking service (read, Twitter). Lacking that precedent, he instead likened the situation to subpoenas asking banks for users records, a practice which has been upheld many times. Customers have no legal grounds to quash subpoenas to banks, says Sciarrino.

    He then calls upon Twitter’s Terms of Service to say that Harris had “no proprietary interests” in his tweets.

    Here, the defendant has no proprietary interests in the @destructuremal account’s user information and Tweets between September 15, 2011 and December 31, 2011. As briefly mentioned before, in order to use Twitter’s services, the process of registering an account requires a user’s agreement to Twitter’s Terms. Under Twitter’s Terms it states in part:

    By submitting, posting or displaying Content on or through the Services, you grant us a worldwide,
    non-exclusive, royalty-free license to use, copy, reproduce, process, adapt, modify, publish, transmit, display
    and distribute such Content in any and all media or distribution methods (now known or later developed).

    In order to register the @destructuremal account, the defendant had to have agreed to those very same terms. Every single time the defendant used Twitter’s services the defendant was granting a license for Twitter to use, display and distribute the defendant’s Tweets to anyone and for any purpose it may have. Twitter’s license to use the defendant’s Tweets means that the Tweets the defendant posted were not his. The defendant’s inability to preclude Twitter’s use of his Tweets demonstrates a lack of proprietary interests in his Tweets.

    I added that bold to highlight the main point being made here: his tweets aren’t his.

    For their part, Twitter makes no secret that they will turn over your info to the authorities if it’s “reasonably necessary to comply with the law”:

    We may preserve or disclose your information if we believe that it is reasonably necessary to comply with a law, regulation or legal request; to protect the safety of any person; to address fraud, security or technical issues; or to protect Twitter’s rights or property

    Harris is tweeting about the decision (from a different account):

    Judge ruled against me on standing, on intervention, and on the subpoena. So uh Twitter is compelled to hand over @destructuremal‘s tweets 1 day ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    So this gonna get kinda weird because I haven’t operated that account in months. 23 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    What happens if I just make it my policy to change usernames weekly? 23 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The tweets in question are no longer active on @destructuremal’s feed, obviously. The last tweet is from that account is from February 11th 2012.

    So according to Sciarrino, you can’t stop prosecutors from obtaining your old, deleted tweets from Twitter. As The Atlantic Wire points out, the judge didn’t say anything about their upcoming admissibility in court, however.

    Of course, this is just one ruling in one case, but it could set a precedent. Sure, everything you tweet is public to some extent, even if you tweak your privacy settings. To really expect a high level of privacy or protection is unrealistic. But should prosecutors be able to obtain your info and tweets without a warrant? Let us know what you think in the comments.

  • Lindsay Lohan, Party City, and Skydiving

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Facebook now has 901 million users and all of them have invited me to play FarmVille.(image) 7 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I think metta world peace should change his name to holy flying elbow(image) 7 hours ago via Twitterrific ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    BREAKING: In Possible Gaffe, Romney Offers Rubio Job at his House(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If you ever take one of those “Which Game of Thrones character are you?” quizzes and your results say “Joffrey” go put your head in an oven.(image) 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The later years, I assume. RT @AP: Lindsay Lohan to portray Elizabeth Taylor in a Lifetime film about her love affair with Richard Burton(image) 34 minutes ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If your laundry smells like fire and stale beer, you win at weekends.(image) 4 hours ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    James Harrison should expect to receive a fine for that hit James Harden took from Metta World Peace.(image) 19 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Monday mornings are a lot like getting kicked in the balls.(image) 9 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If I spend another dollar at Taco Bell I deserve a Mexican passport.(image) 35 minutes ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    It’s pretty strange that Party City is such a boring place to hang out.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Elizabeth Taylor is going to be perfect as Lindsay Lohan.(image) 11 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’ve never skydived but I’ve checked Twitter on my phone while standing over a toilet. So, I get the gist.(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Want Your Tweets To Matter? Be Funny or Informative

    Not all tweets are created equal – anyone who has spent even a small amount of time on Twitter can attest to that. I’m much less likely to care that you checked-in to the Rib Shack on Foursqaure than let’s say, a witty little 140-character quip about something Rick Santorum just said. But I’m stingy with who I follow, as I don’t want my Twitter feed to be infested with tweets that I barely gloss over in a desperate attempt to find something that even remotely interests me.

    And it’s a good thing that I’m so selective. According to a study by the Harvard Business Review, not a whole lot of what is out there is even worth my time.

    They set up a website, populated by over 43,000 tweets. Then, they asked 1,443 Twitter users to judge the quality of said tweets. What they found was that only 36% of all tweets are “worth reading.”

    Furthermore, only 39% were deemed “just OK.” The remaining percentage falls to tweets that simply weren’t worth reading (25%).

    So barely over a third of tweets are really worth anyone’s attention. People are busy, and there’s no need to waste their time with boring tweets. I get that.

    But when it comes to what kind of tweets are considered worth it versus not worth it, there are some surprises. For instance, self-promotion tweets (HEY!! We’re performing on April 30th in Phoenix, etc) were among the more popular tweets. Also, “conversation” tweets where a user retweets another user’s tweet, but with added commentary. I tend to like these types of tweets.

    Unsurprisingly, the kind of tweets that respondents found most worth reading were random thoughts – you know, funny or interesting tidbits that seem to have appeared out of nowhere in someone’s brain. I can agree, these are my favorite kinds of tweets. On the flip side, tweets like “Good morning, world” (presence maintenance) were the least popular. 45% said those aren’t worth reading.

    Sometimes, Twitter’s not as easy as it looks. And some people really don’t know how to tap its great potential. Going forward, just remember that nobody really wants to read about what you’re doing at this exact moment. Unless, of course, you’re a celebrity.

    [Via Washington Post]

  • Nickelback, Dick Clark, and CNN’s News Ticker

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Something something Dick Clark hologram.(image) 16 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Dad always used to say, “Watch out for that Ted Nugent guy. He seems kind of crazy.”(image) 7 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Demi Moore would like suggestions for a new Twitter name. I’m thinking @SingleCradleRobber might work.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    TIme editor fired for putting Tebow and Lin in list of 100 Most Influential People instead of 100 Most Influential Internet Memes.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I bet Kim Kardashian has already blown the Tupac hologram.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The best prank ever would be displaying a friend’s Internet browser history on the CNN news ticker.(image) 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Remember writers, while your screenplays and pilots get trashed, a 2nd Jersey Shore cast members will get on the NY Times Best-Sellers List.(image) 1 day ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    So I guess Ryan Seacrest finally found the last horcrux.(image) 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If you play a Nickelback song backwards you’ll hear devil messages. Even worse, If you play it forward, you’ll hear Nickelback.(image) 42 minutes ago via Buffer ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    17th sequel title: The Girl who got her Dragon Tattoo Removed.(image) 1 hour ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    GOODBYE DICK CLARK! YOU ONLY MAN IN AMERICA WHO ABLE TO DROP BALL AND MAKE IT LOOK GOOD!(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If you didn’t get your taxes in, you can always file an extension by dangling the tax rep from a highrise. I do it every year.(image) 2 hours ago via Batcomputer ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Ted Nugent says the meeting with the Secret Service is “no big deal. They just want some advice about hookers I think.”(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • The Secret Service, Kim Kardashian, and Egg Salad Sandwiches

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Tupac. Imma let you finish. But Obi Wan Kenobi was one of the best holograms of all time -kanye(image) 48 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    At least Ted Nugent didn’t threaten to make any new music.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I don’t follow football at all. Why are the Steelers dressing like the little bumblebee girl from the Blind Melon video?(image) 18 minutes ago via MetroTwit ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Kim Kardashian wants to run for mayor of Glendale, CA. Meanwhile Khloe Kardashian plans to run to replace Mayor McCheese.(image) 12 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Part of me wants the Earth to be invaded by a race of dog-aliens just to see them strap Mitt Romney to a car.(image) 57 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The moral of the Secret Service debacle? Never, ever argue with a woman over $47.(image) 22 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Tax day. Or as Wesley Snipes calls it: Tuesday.(image) 3 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Ashton Kutcher is dating Mila Kunis. Not to be outdone Demi Moore is contacting Patrick Swayze via Whoopi Goldberg(image) 20 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’ve had egg salad sandwiches more exciting than Debra Messing posing nude.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Comic sans is the Kim Kardashian of fonts.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    You can’t blow a hologram 🙁 RT @KimKardashian: Just now seeing this Tupac hologram at Coachella!!! Wish I was there to see it in person!(image) 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Pres Obama said that during his administration they’ve done more drilling than the last 8 years. Is that by oil crews or the secret service?(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, makes me wish I had genital herpes.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • The IRS, Tupac Hologram, and The Pulitzer Prize

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    That Tupac hologram would have been cooler if he were six-inches tall and beaming out of an R2 unit. #Coachella(image) 6 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If you’re taking part in #the70s trend – you’re too old for Twitter.(image) 11 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Those nerds over at the IRS are probably quaking in their boots right now worried that I might go on talk shows and do jokes about them!(image) 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I hear Backstreet Boys are headlining Coachella 2013….performing with holograms of their careers!(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The IRS called me in because I deducted $400,000 for hair and makeup. They took one look at me in direct sunlight and approved it.    (image) 1 day ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Sneaky move by Antonio Cromartie to sneak in a 10th kid right before tax day for the last second write off.(image) 5 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Why exactly isn’t Hillary Clinton allowed to have a beer and dance without everyone giving her a hard time? Is this Footloose?!(image) 32 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    24-year-old just won a Pulitzer. Meanwhile I made a joke about Nicki Minaj’s Twitter account this morning. So.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Apple planning an iPad Mini. I thought they already had one: the iPhone.(image) 7 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’m guessing Frasier Crane would have advised Kelsey Grammer not to have his new wife’s name tattooed on his hip.(image) 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Shit. Just got rear ended by a car driven by a Tupac hologram. Needless to say he had no insurance.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If a guy’s coffee order has more than 5 words in it, he should have to tuck his penis and balls behind his butt for the rest of the day.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The Huffington Post won a Pulitzer prize. Slideshows couldn’t be reached for comment.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Brangelina, Cory Booker, and North Korea

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    I’m pretty sure that horribly sad sound is Jennifer Aniston weeping in the corner. #brangelina #sorryJen(image) 9 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    TLC Show Idea: ‘SCARF ACE.’ Flamboyantly gay dude who is a whiz at making scarves!(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Not to be outdone by Cory Booker, Chris Christie just ran into a bakery and saved a tray of Cinnamon Rolls from burning.(image) 13 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    CNBC’s motto should be “Adding excitement to financial coverage by moving the camera around for no reason.”(image) 8 minutes ago via HTC Peep ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Poor old North Korea. They should start with something smaller than a rocket launch. Like a raffle or something.(image) 13 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The shortest distance between two points is betting a cab driver $20 bucks he can’t get you there in 10 minutes.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Billy Joel didn’t start the fire. But Cory Booker put it out. #CoryBookerStories(image) 5 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    North Korea: “Yeah, the test failed, but at least we didn’t try to re-make The Three Stooges”(image) 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Maybe sharks are angry because they can’t hug 🙁(image) 16 hours ago via txt ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    North Korea’s missile went down so fast that it’s code name has been changed to ‘The Kardashian”.(image) 20 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Going to Disneyland. It’s sort of like a zoo where you can go to see unhappy families trapped in cute little environments.(image) 18 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If you’re feeling bad about yourself, keep in mind that Brad Pitt is engaged to Billy Bob Thornton’s sloppy seconds.(image) 25 minutes ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Twitter doesn’t allow time for that special part of the brain that says, “Wait, that’s not funny.”(image) 58 minutes ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    That’s not actually my blood and flesh. Stop being gross.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    North Korea launched a rocket that failed to go all the way up. I call that “projectile dysfunction.”(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Axl Rose, National Grilled Cheese Day, and Mafia Mullets

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    “I don’t even own a cheese.” – hipster on National Grilled Cheese Day(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If you have nothing nice to say that’s what YouTube and Huffington Post comments are for.(image) 38 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Too bad Axl Rose won’t be at the HOF Induction cos I was looking forward to him making the ceremony start 4 hours late.(image) 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    charles manson is the susan lucci of parole hearings(image) 23 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    demi moore’s marriage to ashton kutcher makes a lot more sense when you know that bruce willis is a ghost the whole time.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Had a student ask me if the singer of Nickleback was Kurt Cobain. I failed the entire class and set them on fire.(image) 23 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Not having a job really is the best way for Lamar Odom to get in good with his in-laws.(image) 1 hour ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    “Don’t Trust The B—- In Apartment 23” is going to be a really annoying Wheel of Fortune puzzle someday.(image) 3 hours ago via Favstar.FM ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    So the November election will come down to who the voters prefer, the guy who’s not Romney or the guy who’s not Obama.(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Today is National Grilled Cheese Day, because God forbid we went a full day without celebrating something stupid.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Until proven guilty, Zimmerman is just a gun-toting, failed, wannabe cop with a desperate need to feel like a hero. So let’s not judge.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Lets be real here, Axl Rose’s crazy confused denial letter to the rock HOF was spawned by an ill fated attempt to button his old kilt.(image) 22 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Saw a dude rocking a mafia mullet. Legitimate business in the front, shady operation in the back.(image) 13 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I just got a free iPod, but I already have an iPhone #firstworldproblems(image) 30 minutes ago via twitterfeed ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Charles Manson, Deadliest Catch, and Legos

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    [Lead Image Courtesy The Oatmeal]

    I bet the producers of Dancing With The Stars are pretty upset that Charles Manson was denied parole.(image) 2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    my auto-correct just changed “corn syrup” to “type 2 diabetes”.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The people that say childbirth is the most painful thing to endure have clearly never stepped on a Lego.(image) 36 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    It’s been 7 years since the premiere of the Deadliest Catch and it doesn’t seem like these stupid crabs have learned a goddamn thing.(image) 20 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’m writing a Young Adult novel about a dystopian society in which all entertainment is aimed at 13-year-olds.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    After his first child was born today, Tony Romo was choked up. It’s good to see that fatherhood hasn’t changed him.(image) 21 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If Mitt Romney looks a little thinner than usual it’s because he’s lost a couple hundred unwanted pounds…Rick Santorum.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    “A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!”
    -Matthew Broderick proposing marriage.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    BACON SUNDAE AT BURGER KING! HOT DOG STUFF CRUST AT PIZZA HUT! AND BACON COFFIN! LOOK LIKE AL QAEDA PLAYING LONG GAME NOW!(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If Charles Manson gets paroled he could run for public office in Arizona as a moderate.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    “If Britney Spears can make through the entirety of 2007, you can make it through today”. That’s a good word.(image) 1 hour ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Americans consume less sushi than there are pictures of sushi on Instagram.(image) 36 minutes ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    How funny would it be if they let 77-year-old Charles Manson out of prison & he just immediately started slaughtering C-list celebs again?(image) 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    White House: Sources confirm VP Joe Biden is stuck on a really hard level in Angry Birds Space.(image) 9 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Watching Hugh Hefner have sex must be like watching someone try to puncture a Capri Sun pouch with an earthworm.(image) 18 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Rick Santorum, Zebras, and Gluten Allergies

    Rick Santorum, Zebras, and Gluten Allergies

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    When am I supposed to stop looking for Easter eggs(image) 13 minutes ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    It’s Rick Santorum’s choice to terminate his presidential campaign, even this late into its development.(image) 41 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Happy National Siblings Day! I’m gonna go punch my brother in the nuts!(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Obama: US Will Respond to North Korea ‘With Strongest Possible Adjectives’(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    “If five hipsters tweet that they’re deleting their Instagram accounts, does it actually make a noise?”(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPad ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Lamar Odom cut from the Mavs. If you’re an NBA player, marrying a Kardashian is like marrying a torn ACL.(image) 1 day ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Zebras are just living, breathing barcodes.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Mets haven’t lost since Tebow trade. Guy is amazing.(image) 18 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Rick Santorum can now go back to being the Walmart greeter people avoid making eye contact with.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The fact I have to watch a commercial before I’m able to see a video clip of Miley Cyrus’ anorexic frame is what’s wrong with the internet.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I really don’t want to read “Santorum, pulling out” again.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The mountain lion was much less terrifying when the Asian guy called it a “mountain ryan.”(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    the leading cause of gluten allergies is reading an article about gluten allergies.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • New Twitter-Bugs Tweet Less Often [Study]

    A new study from aytm.com reveals that many new Twitter account holders aren’t taking advantage of the social media platform as much as they could. Their survey took into account 200 Twitter users and found that over one third of them just got started with the service within the last year. 43% got started with Twitter within the last two years.

    42% of all those who responded claim that they “rarely” tweet anything. Only about 20% say they tweet at least daily. Take a look at the chart:

    Twitter new user tweets

    What else is interesting about the responses are the number of times users are checking material being tweeted by those they follow. The numbers are quite a bit lower than I would have guessed. Less than 12% read posts from those they follow multiple times per day and only about 15% read tweets on a daily basis. Many people (31%) report that they “rarely” read tweets from those who they follow. I thought reading other’s posts was the whole reason for having Twitter.

    Most users (75%) followed less than 100 accounts and very few (2.5%) followed more than 1000. A majority (over 60%) of Twitter folks used the service to follow friends and family, many followed celebrities (almost 54%), but much smaller numbers (under 43%) followed brands or specific companies. I wonder what this means fro Twitter Brand Pages?

    So those are the facts from aytm, it’s pretty revealing. I don’t know if their sample reveals a good cross-section of users, but it seems most people are interested in following celebrities, friend, and family and no so much brands or products. Sounds like bad news for Twitter advertising, but this is a trend that may be changing. We’ll ekep an eye on these Twitter trends and see what changes as 2012 unfolds.

  • Instagram, Kristen Stewart, and Asparagus

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Your mom is about about to get super into Instagram.(image) 36 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Bubba Watson cries at The Masters jacket ceremony after he realizes it doesnt come in pink.(image) 18 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Of course Mark Zuckerberg bought Instagram. If he can’t own Apple he might as well own hipsters 2nd favorite thing in the world after jorts.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Kristen Stewart’s creators uploaded a new emotion for her birthday.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    A million dollars isn’t cool, blowing a billion dollars on an app that makes your food look cool is cool.(image) 20 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I hope in NBA 2K13, instead of “Quit Game”, the menu says “Lamar Odom”.(image) 44 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Rough weekend. Glad that’s over.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I find eating asparagus is probably the best way to start a casual conversation about piss.(image) 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    So does this mean that employers will be asking me for access to my Instagram account too?(image) 50 minutes ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Facebook bought Instagram? And here I was wondering how everyone’s ugly baby pictures could get even uglier.(image) 1 hour ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Mondays are the Kid Rock of days.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I don’t want to be one of those people who’s on his death bed and says, “I didn’t spend enough time on the Internet.”(image) 6 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The sad part is, that instagram guy probably would’ve just traded the app for tickets to Coachella.(image) 20 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

  • Passover, Tim Tebow, and Targeted Ads

    Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Aww man. Is this really happening?(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    My shrink says I would hallucinate less if I didn’t do angel dust. Typical dragon.(image) 57 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    #Titanic3D is even sadder this time around, because now we know the heir to #DowntonAbbey is on the boat.(image) 21 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Passover is the most widely recognized Jewish holiday, if you don’t count the year-end sale at Neiman Marcus. Happy Pesach!(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    What filter do you guys use on instagram to make your father love you?(image) 24 minutes ago via Favstar.FM ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Those anti-Asian slurs could seriously damage Marion Barry’s reputation.(image) 36 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’m glad Kim Kardashian finally found someone she can spend the rest of her week with.(image) 36 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I like Good Friday way better than Bad Tuesday. And AIDs Wednesday.(image) 45 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I bet Tyler Perry forgets he’s black sometimes.(image) 20 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Google glasses: when you’re too big a douchebag to wear just a Bluetooth.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I reach for the iPhone in my pocket the same way I used to reach for a pack of cigarettes.(image) 40 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Tim Tebow will preach to 30K people on Easter. Tebow won’t replace the regular preacher, he’s only handling the wildcat part of the service.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    You know your life is going well when all the targeted ads on websites you browse are for suicide prevention hotlines.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto