Lindsay Lohan, Party City, and Skydiving

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Lindsay Lohan, Party City, and Skydiving
Written by Josh Wolford

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

Facebook now has 901 million users and all of them have invited me to play FarmVille.(image) 7 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I think metta world peace should change his name to holy flying elbow(image) 7 hours ago via Twitterrific ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

BREAKING: In Possible Gaffe, Romney Offers Rubio Job at his House(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

If you ever take one of those “Which Game of Thrones character are you?” quizzes and your results say “Joffrey” go put your head in an oven.(image) 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The later years, I assume. RT @AP: Lindsay Lohan to portray Elizabeth Taylor in a Lifetime film about her love affair with Richard Burton(image) 34 minutes ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

If your laundry smells like fire and stale beer, you win at weekends.(image) 4 hours ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

James Harrison should expect to receive a fine for that hit James Harden took from Metta World Peace.(image) 19 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Monday mornings are a lot like getting kicked in the balls.(image) 9 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

If I spend another dollar at Taco Bell I deserve a Mexican passport.(image) 35 minutes ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It’s pretty strange that Party City is such a boring place to hang out.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Elizabeth Taylor is going to be perfect as Lindsay Lohan.(image) 11 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I’ve never skydived but I’ve checked Twitter on my phone while standing over a toilet. So, I get the gist.(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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