Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
Actress Alicia Silverstone said she feeds her baby by spitting in his mouth. I usually pay extra for that!
SPOILER ALERT: Saw The Hunger Games last night. I loved it when they sank the boat at the end.
BREAKING: Panicked Geraldo Rivera Shoots Slightly Tan Mark Zuckerberg
UPDATE: Turns out, Geraldo Rivera was bullied by a hoodie in junior high school.
“If the poor seeketh health care, they shouldeth get jobs. I don’t want to payeth for it.” – The Bible
Good idea to keep yelling your opinion to SCOTUS about Obamacare. Justices comb through Twitter and blog comments at night for ideas.
Today I filed my patent request for, “Like YouTube, but faster.”
You’d think babies would be more embarrassed they can’t even hold their own bottle. Pathetic.
To a blind person, a waft of cigar smoke must be like having a stranger jam their thumb up your butthole at Disneyworld.
Alicia Silverstone feeds her baby by spitting in his mouth. You don’t want to know how she cleans him.
On this day 14 years ago, Viagra was introduced. Today, men of all ages can stand up for what they believe in, again and again and again.
Being my sidekick is what most health insurance companies would consider a “pre-existing condition.”
This may be the drugs talking, but I’m glad time doesn’t smell like anything.
I don’t call it whiskey; I call it “anti-Viagra.”
Watching cable news because you want to be informed is like going to Olive Garden because you want to live in Italy.