Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
@AndreaRussett
Andrea RussettWhite Chicks will forever be one of the funniest movies out there.
21 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@HAL9000_
HAL 9000Did you hear that @NASA has found an inhabitable, Kardashian-Free planet? 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@donni
Donni SaphireRemember, your monkey butler is HIGHLY sexualized. 3 hours ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonI’m worried Perez Hilton might be another one of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s maid babies. 2 minutes ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@celebrityhottub
sir brooskMaybe the Big East just knows something about plate tectonics and continental drift that the rest of us don’t. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JordyHamrick
JordanIf you ask me for a follow back, I create a Wikipedia page for you and tell the world you put vegetables in your butt. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@IGotsSmarts
Steve MieczkowskiFinally learned how to say Ndamukong Suh’s name. It’s pronounced, “Asshole”. 2 hours ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto
@robdelaney
rob delaney“He’s making a list, checking it twice…” – Schindler Claus 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@FilthyRichmond
Jocelyn PlumsLots of interesting smells in this Salvation Army fitting room carpet. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonYou. Are. Fucking. Retarded. RT @KimKardashian: Can’t get my boot off &I’m all by myself! What 2 do! LOL I need someone to pull it off! 2 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@robdelaney
rob delaneyI broke off all contact with my sister when she named her son Jaden. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@yoyoha
Josh HaraThe new habitable planet NASA discovered is making Earth look like a real shithole. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@DanaJGould
Dana GouldWhat do people in prison say when they meet new friends? “Give me your cell number.” 3 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@alexblagg
Alex BlaggDid Steven Spielberg really direct a new movie called Whore Horse about slutty horses? 8 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@theNuzzy
david nuzzy nussbaumIf I was Marty McFly, Lorraine would’ve gotten fucked. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@friedmanjon
Jon FriedmanHey anyone named Maryellen. Pick a name and go with it. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto