Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Has this week been the longest for anyone else? It’s only Tuesday. FML. Oh well, bring on the tweets.
@TheFakeCNN
The Fake CNNGoogle+ is like a gym membership. Everyone signs up for it but never uses it
2 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@PeytonsHead
Peyton’s HeadBREAKING: Univ of South Carolina has dismissed QB Stephen Garcia from the team. Tim Tebow expected to be named starter later today. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonHappy National Coming Out Day, @MargieJPhelps !!!! 2 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@bazecraze
Alex Baze“Undefeated Detroit Lions” sounds like one of those phrases they throw in to sci-fi movies so you know it’s the future. 54 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@justinisntfunny
Justin ClarkSo, was Snake Pliskin really Captain Ron in an alternate reality? 8 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzMitt Romney’s lack of pizza experience is really coming back to haunt him. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@TheThryll
WillOk pickup line: Unless you were molested by a guy who looks exactly like me, there’s no reason we shouldn’t grab coffee sometime. 5 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@kellyoxford
kelly oxfordEveryone at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme park should ask for a refund when they find out they can’t ride Hermione. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@rainnwilson
RainnWilsonis waiting for the new Chris Gaines album. 6 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@Jesus_M_Christ
Jesus ChristI was going to go to America for my Second Coming, but they don’t seem to take too kindly to immigrants named Jesus. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JenKirkman
Jen KirkmanHappy National Coming Out Day! Kick those doors down & be who you are! Lots of people love you! (You too Republican Senators!) 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@DannyZuker
Danny ZukerI’d never compare people I don’t like to Hitler, but the people who make the little “x” button impossible to find on pop-up ads are Hitler. 20 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonIf I show you a picture on my iPhone and you begin scrolling through my photos without asking, I’ll fucking run you over with my car. 23 minutes ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@thesulk
Alec Sulkin“Yer left! Yer left! Yer left-left-left!” (one legged boot camp) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@meganamram
Megan AmramDoes anybody know when National Coming Out Day is in Iran?? 2 hours ago via Twitter for Android · powered by @socialditto
@DanRegans
Dan ReganDoes the store “Staples” enjoy confusing people by putting their name on a box of paper clips? 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto