Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today, the hashtag #HermanCainPizzaJams has been trending, we see an interesting realization about the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ frontman, and we see how to prevent people from messing with your thermostat.
Enjoy!
@PimpBillClinton
Bill ClintonYou know it’s Monday when you’ve been in traffic 20 minutes before you realize the ‘fasten seatbelt’ alarm is going off.
4 hours ago via TweetCaster for iOS · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzSTUDY: Blackberry Outage Forcing Douchebags to Interact with Their Families 4 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@brianbeutler
Brian BeutlerMeatlover, You Should’ve Come Over #HermanCainPizzaJams 46 minutes ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@DepressedDarth
Darth Vader#wheniwas14 I looked like a young Hayden Christensen. 18 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@BenjySarlin
Benjy SarlinAnother Brick Oven In The Wall #HermanCainPizzaJams 1 hour ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonI’m currently driving to Austin, so if anyone wants a “wolf-howling-at-moon-blanket-sold-out-of-a-van-on-the-side-of-the-road” let me know. 52 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@fleshcake
G.T. CollinsThere should be a trap door below every thermostat just in case that’s not your house. 2 hours ago via twicca · powered by @socialditto
@rainnwilson
RainnWilsonThe women on The Walking Dead need to stop whining & crying all the time. Also, the cast needs to stop tripping & dropping things. 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
Matt SmithIf god wanted me to eat whole grains, he would have made animals out of whole grains. 3 hours ago via Twitter for Android · powered by @socialditto
@michaelianblack
Michael Ian BlackWhen did Anthony Kiedis and Iggy Pop become the same person? 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@FauxJohnMadden
Faux John MaddenIn exchange for Brandon Lloyd, Denver will receive a 6th round pick. It’s unclear whether or not Tim Tebow can turn that pick into wine. 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@DannyZuker
Danny ZukerMy kids sure know a lot of stuff for people who were constantly shitting themselves 10 years ago. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@jeremyscahill
jeremy scahillany song by “A Tribe Called Crust” #hermancainpizzajams 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@EricStangel
Eric StangelSusan Sarandon calls Pope a Nazi. Out of habit ESPN just fired her from Monday Night Football… 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@badbanana
Tim SiedellCool it with the elbow patches, college professors. You’re not snipers. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@jimmiebjr
JimmieYou Can’t Always Get What You Want (But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get Extra Cheese) #HermanCainPizzaJams 1 hour ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto