Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
@funnyordie
Funny Or DieIt wouldn’t be entirely surprising to learn that Thailand is located in Mexico.
19 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@kirkmorrison
Kirk MorrisonIf you are having a bad day today, take a step back and think about what Blake Griffin did to Kendrick Perkins. #GuaranteedSmile 2 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@PeytonsHead
Peyton’s HeadAfter Blake Griffin’s dunk, Kendrick Perkins has been downgraded to Kendrick Waffle House. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@sv_troutgirl
Joyce ParkGood thing the #SuperBowl is buying promoted status on Twitter because god knows without that we’d never hear anything about the event. 6 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@markfollman
Mark FollmanWhich fake presidential candidate has raised more cash, Sarah Palin or Stephen Colbert? http://t.co/MdrM8dLa 43 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeI am becoming suspicious that if I had a problem, Vanilla Ice would not really solve it. #FirstWorldProblems 2 hours ago via iTweet for Android · powered by @socialditto
@pourmecoffee
pourmecoffeeTomorrow is FL primary, and Thurday is Groundhog’s Day. If Mitt still sees Newt’s shadow, it’s six more weeks of debates. 20 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@KenTremendous
Ken TremendousI just legally moved to Florida, registered to vote, and cast 1000 ballots for Moon Gingrich as Lord Protector of Moontopia. 18 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@NFLonTheHill
Joe BrowneGOP primary exit polls in Florida at 4pm indicate 82% of seniors there have voted today…and also already have had dinner. 17 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@TheTweetOfGod
GodThey’re voting in Florida. That always bodes well. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@theNuzzy
david nuzzy nussbaumI feel like I’ve stood in this line before. Probably just déjà queue. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@biorhythmist
mattWhen lunch becomes whatever you can reach without getting up, you may want to rethink some life choices. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@meganamram
Megan AmramYou can’t spell “ducking” without “autocorrect” 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@juliussharpe
Julius SharpeI will vote for any candidate who promises to outlaw cash bar weddings. 3 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@shariv67
Shari VanderwerfI’m like the reverse Michael Jackson. I always wanted to be black. I’m sexually attracted to adults, and I have no talent whatsoever. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Smethanie
StephanieHonk your horn at a red light. You can tell which drivers are staring at their phones by who moves without looking up. 8 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto