Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the weekend than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
@michaelianblack
Michael Ian BlackHoly shit, after Tim Tebow got tackled, he started bleeding from his palms and feet!
2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@SamGrittner
Sam GrittnerJust got my first invite to LinkedIn! My dick is so hard it could cut diamonds! 5 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@EugeneMirman
Eugene MirmanIs War Horse a re-boot of Saving Private Ryan with a horse? 21 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Braunger
Matt BraungerI’ve farted so much today I’m almost proud. 24 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@moshekasher
moshekasherBettie Page has inspired so many ugly girls to be very very slightly less ugly. 26 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@SamGrittner
Sam GrittnerAnyone under the age of 30 who writes an autobiography should be murdered heinously so someone can actually write a decent book about them. 29 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@biorhythmist
mattCaptain Faggot would be a horrible name for a girl 36 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@firstworldme
First World ProblemsNetflix is down and now I can’t watch Glee. #firstworldproblems 51 minutes ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@PeytonsHead
Peyton’s Head#SNF Ben Roethlisberger is playing Madden 12….he knows his receivers are better than the defense, so he is just throwing sh*t up. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@IGotsSmarts
Steve MieczkowskiI rubbed together pictures of John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John and started a Grease fire. 1 hour ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto
@EricStangel
Eric StangelDon’t blame Nick Novak. He just peed on the sidelines. Norv Turner is the one who pissed away the season… #FireNorv 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonBrett Favre to the Houston Texans? Cool! Maybe he’ll text me wiener pics! 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@cornlog
Hugh JassI’d rather have my balls sheared off with a mitre saw than see a movie “from the makers of Jerry Maguire” 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@PeytonsHead
Peyton’s HeadAnd Vince Young??? RT @RealSkipBayless AGAIN: All … he … does … is … win … football … games. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto