Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzIf Kurt Cobain saw “Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain” was a trending topic on Twitter he would probably kill himself again.
32 minutes ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@FamousCeleb
CelebrityHappy Birthday Kurt Cobain, the Foo Fighters have never been the same without you 2 hours ago via Twitter for Android · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@boring_as_heck
stefanHappy Birthday Kurt Cobain. Your career sort of stalled, don’t know what you’ve been up to recently. Hope you can get back to makin’ music! 2 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@Joan_Rivers
Joan RiversHappy President’s Day! There should be a “First Ladies Day” to honor the women who suffered while their husbands slept around with interns. 1 hour ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@JensenClan88
Jensen KarpPresident Obama makes $400,000 a year while in office. Paul Walker made $7,000,000 for 2 Fast 2 Furious. Happy President’s Day, everybody! 2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@ShawnGarrett
Shawn GarrettHappy Birthday, Kurt Cobain. If you were alive now, with a face that survived a gunshot blast, you would make better music than Chris Brown. 2 hours ago via Echofon · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@MrJChrist
Jesus ChristThis year Im giving up Lent for alcohol 1 hour ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@juliussharpe
Julius Sharpe“Aaah! It’s a trap!” – Lint 11 minutes ago via Echofon · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@birbigs
Mike BirbigliaSometimes I wish the United States could “clear history.” #presidentsday 18 minutes ago via TweetDeck · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@DannyZuker
Danny ZukerI have this tradition where every Presidents’ Day I eat like William Howard Taft for 12 months. 38 minutes ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@robdelaney
rob delaneyGetting something “trending” on Twitter is roughly as useful as writing it in lipstick on the side of a bag of dog food. 53 minutes ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@shariv67
Shari VanderwerfI changed the preferences, but my mouth still accepts all cookies. 🙁 1 hour ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeMy mom tossed my allergy medicine because she thought they were ecstasy pills #FirstWorldProblems 2 hours ago via iTweet for Android · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
Matt SmithI’d rather have have that face-ripping-monkey rip off my face than to be stuck behind one of those extreme couponers in the grocery line. 3 hours ago via TweetDeck · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto