Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
Hey! It’s Pi Day! Useful formula: (number of digits you can recite pi to) + 14 = (age you lost your virginity)
That awkward moment when u get home tonight and your mums cooking your dad steak =))
So, today’s Steak & BJ Day. That explains why the wife said this morning “we’re having cobb salad for dinner & I’m going out with friends.”
It’s Steak and BJ Day!? A day to celebrate two things that are often rare.
Encyclopedia Britannica to end publication. Wow. Wikipedia says they’ve been in business since 1768!
Rihanna hinted she might get back together with Chris Brown. If she likes guys who abuse women, I might have a chance.
‘Virgin Diaries’ is trending on Twitter. I didn’t know Tim Tebow wrote an autobiography! #ThrowItDown
Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni quits. Fragile peace talks between Asians and Blacks has now completely shut down.
It’s not whether you fall, it’s whether you get back up. And also whether anyone shot video of you falling and posted it on YouTube.
Just landed in Mexico City. Excited to try one of those Doritos-shell tacos everyone’s been talking about.
The internet on my phone is faster than the internet in my apartment. #FirstWorldProblems
You gotta admit that if a Santorum/Gingrich ticket wins the Presidency the resulting new Rage Against the Machine album would be AMAZING.
“This ain’t my first radio.” ~ Nikola Tesla
Wishing a Happy Steak & 19 Blowjobs Day to my slut of an ex-girlfriend.
Getting warmed up for St. Patricks day or ‘National Blend-In Day!’ as it’s known to bulimics.
Happy Pi Day, everybody! If I had $3.14 for everything I knew about pi, I wouldn’t have any money.