Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we have tweets about Pat Robertson’s suggestion to those living with Alzheimer’s, a rather unimpressive superpower, and we find what really makes people apathetic about health care reform. Enjoy!
@kylekinane
Kyle KinanePapa Johns delivering me an unsliced pizza just says, “We know you’re alone and going to eat the whole thing tonight. Dig in, fat ass.”
15 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@thesulk
Alec SulkinIt’d be nice if Jane Austen movies had a titty trumpet to wake me up if there were any. 12 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@SarahKSilverman
Sarah SilvermanHey kids! Check out the Camel Crush! It’s a cigarette u can *CRUSH* into a minty menthol! Whoa! fun! 2 hours ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto
@Wolfrum
William K. WolfrumShorter Pat Robertson: If you love someone, set them free. If they can’t find their way back, you’re free to leave. 6 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@jamonthirteen
jamonthirteenLadies, I have two love handles: born2satisfy & ladyluvr69; I also have two of the love handles you initially thought I was talking about. 6 hours ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto
@michael_bay__
fake michael_bayFolks: I’m just like everyone else. I put my pants on one leg at a time but with the help of 3 supermodels and then blowup a cruise ship. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeThe pizza guy actually asked for my coupon, and now I can’t use it a second time. #FirstWorldProblems 3 hours ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto
@TheBillWalton
The Bill Walton TripTwitter is now available in five new languages. Unfortunately for Rick Perry & Michele Bachmann, “Insane Rambling” is not one of them. 7 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@NikiWithIssues
NikiI’m starting to accept the fact that the closest I’ll ever get to having a superpower is being invisible on gtalk. 2 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto
@JordyHamrick
JordanElderly woman ahead of me at Subway is paying for her lunch with nickels and now I don’t even give a shit about health care reform. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@yoyoha
Josh HaraWhen I get alzheimer’s I’m going to watch The Sixth Sense like every day. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto