Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today, we have a pretty random selection of Tweets. You can forgive me for not being too topical on a Friday, right? We do hit the Labor Day Topic as we as Obama’s upcoming Jobs speech. Look for a particularly good one about disciplining a teenager. Enjoy!
@paulverhoeven
Paul VerhoevenAt my funeral, instead of a eulogy, I want everyone to watch 30 minutes looped footage of Laura Dern’s panicked running, from Jurassic Park.
11 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeA chocolate chip got stuck in the straw of my frappuccino. #FirstWorldProblems 3 hours ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto
@badbanana
Tim SiedellCasual Friday + Last Workday Before Labor Day = White Bed Sheet Toga. Can’t help it if my coworkers don’t understand basic math. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@denisleary
Denis Leary8 out of 10 Americans think we are in a recession. The other two are A-Rod and Oprah. 1 hour ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto
@sethmeyers21
Seth MeyersYou know what Obama should do for his jobs speech? Hire a million people to help him write it. 3 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto
@rainnwilson
RainnWilsonIf you want to punish a teenager, simply take away their cellphone! And sodomize them with it. 2 hours ago via txt · powered by @socialditto
@mindykaling
Mindy KalingHey dudes it’s been 5 days. You gotta let people talk about Breaking Bad. 1 hour ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto
@pattonoswalt
Patton OswaltNew York City — turning optimistic liberals into seething, closet racists since 1961! 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Andy_Richter
Andy RichterHas mankind ever fallen further short of his potential than “second verse same as the first?” 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPad · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzWashington is the only place where things grind to a halt when people get back from vacation. 7 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@mikeleffingwell
Mike Leffingwell“That’s so Raven” – Raven Symone’s parents identify her body. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto