Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
@BettyFckinWhite
Betty F*ckin’ WhiteIt’s National Margarita Day! Who wants to salt my rim?
3 hours ago via HootSuite · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@firstworldme
First World ProblemsThe deli forgot the paper between my cheese slices, and now they’re stuck together. #firstworldproblems 39 minutes ago via twitterfeed · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@L8tweets
I FollowBack; j/ask!I bet Rick Astley struggles with Lent. #L8 4 minutes ago via Echofon · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@YoGirlLilJ
Jamie. ☺✌Today is Ash Wednesday, the joyous day upon which we celebrate the life of Ash Ketchum and make vows to catch ‘em all in the coming year. 2 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@bigu
BrookeLive each day like it’s National Margarita Day. Actually, don’t. That’s alcoholism. Today only, live like it’s National Margarita Day. 2 minutes ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@RuthBourdain
Ruth BourdainWhen National Margarita Day falls on Ash Wednesday, does it mean Catholics must give up Jimmy Buffett for Lent? That shouldn’t be too hard. 5 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@TheAuthorGuy
Christopher MooreAsh Wednesday is the day we all get together and watch the Evil Dead movies, right? 2 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@TheFakeESPN
The Fake ESPNPop Warner has announced they’ll start using NFL rules in order to better protect their kids from injury. 15 minutes ago via Twitter for Mac · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonI’d say you’re more of a mix between an Ewok and a hooker. RT @KimKardashian: I’m such a mix between Charlotte and Carrie! 44 minutes ago via Echofon · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@wheatnik
wheatnikTexting for beginners: STFU = Shut the fuck up. LOL = Shut the fuck up. LMAO = Shut the fuck up. ROFL = Shut the fuck up. 1 hour ago via Tweetbot for iOS · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@EliTerry
Eli Terry“Grandpa, grandpa! Tell us again about the time you whittled a 189 character idea down to a perfect 140 character tweet!” 46 minutes ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@DamienFahey
Damien Fahey“Don’t steal, don’t kill, put some stuff on your forehead, maybe sometimes don’t eat meat? Look, I’m clearly running out of ideas here” -God 1 hour ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@thesulk
Alec SulkinI’m dorky enough to know that there’s an Orc who looks like Alice Cooper in “The Two Towers”. 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@hipstermermaid
braden graeberI just had a cup of coffee so terrible that Stephenie Meyer is writing a series of books about it. 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@PimpBillClinton
Bill ClintonNewt Gingrich’s hair looks like it was cut by a right-handed dude using left-handed safety scissors. 3 hours ago via TweetCaster for iOS · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto