The person behind JP Morgan’s Twitter account thought it’d be a good idea to host “our first live Q&A on leadership & career advice w/a leading $JPM executive on 11/14.” Twitter users were prompted to use the hashtag #AskJPM to give direct questions to the senior executive. This prompted a handful of Twitter users to pick up their proverbial social media shaming sticks and beat the living tar out of the company’s PR front with questions concerning the bank’s morals and lack-thereof. Here’s how it went down: Timothy Connolly CFA started it off with a little play on the acronym of the company:
@jpmorgan Is it true “JPM stands for “Just Pay More”? #AskJPM 😉 — Timothy Connolly CFA (@SconsetCapital) November 11, 2013
Later, user amusebarf, perhaps unbeknownst to him, seemed to have alluded to Matthew 19:23-24 of the Bible, which states: “23 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” The principle, which tends to be universal, puts to light that greed only creates suffering, as it hordes more than enough for one’s self, inadvertently depriving others.
#AskJPM What is the maximum amount of material wealth that a person can accumulate and still be allowed into Heaven? — amusebarf (@amusebarf) November 11, 2013
User Jack Lord posted Jamie Dimon’s (the CEO of JP Morgan) rap sheet. Part of the document reads, “Since 2009, the Company has paid more than $8.5 billion in settlements for the various regulatory and legal problems discussed in this report. These settlement costs, which include a small number of recent settlementsof older issues, represent almost 12% of the net income generated between 2009-2012.”
Anyone thinking of doing #AskJPM might want to familiarise themselves with Jamie Dimon’s rap sheet: http://t.co/RiFonxiP9q — Jack Lord (@jacklord) November 11, 2013
Lauren Tara LaCapra asked JP Morgan if Jimmy Lee, its investment banker, cheats at golf.
#AskJPM Does Jimmy Lee really cheat at golf? http://t.co/W4Hee0B4pl (asking for a friend @dan_freed) — Lauren Tara LaCapra (@LaurenLaCapra) November 13, 2013
David Dayen posted probably the most back handed question in the flurry of tweets. Not one JP Morgan corporate executive has been jailed.
Do you have a secret jail in your offices so your executives get at least one chance to see the inside of one? #AskJPM — David Dayen (@ddayen) November 13, 2013
Is it the ability to throw anyone out of their home that drives you, or just the satisfaction that you know you COULD do it? #AskJPM — David Dayen (@ddayen) November 13, 2013
Phil Perspective added his perspective with an inquisitive question about the economy:
Isn’t it better for the economy having a bunch of jobs paying $50,000 to $60,000 a year than one making 7, 8 or 9 figures? #AskJPM — Phil Perspective (@PhilPerspective) November 13, 2013
Mike Conrad put JP Morgan on blast,
Crime: A) Totally pays, just look at us B) Boy I don’t know C) If a market-maker does it that means it’s not illegal #AskJPM — Mike Conrad (@mikeconrad1) November 13, 2013
Amy Hunter was curious about how much loss JP Morgan would have to take in order to go under.
At what number of Billions of Dollars in fines will it no longer be profitable to run your criminal enterprise? #askjpm — Amy Hunter (@amy10506) November 13, 2013
The other 98% wanted to know how JP Morgan felt after getting away with fraud.
Hey, @jpmorgan: What’s it like knowing that you’ve escaped punishment for securities fraud again & again? #AskJPM http://t.co/5gFxOtlW3O — The Other 98% (@other98) November 13, 2013
Schoun with a little history lesson:
Does it feel better paying the biggest bank fines in history so far, or did the satisfaction of the crimes outweigh the fines? #AskJPM — Schoun (@schoun) November 13, 2013
Charlotte curious about the underreported talents of JP Morgan:
#AskJPM Is it true that, while you don’t always spit on poor people, when you do, you have perfect aim? — Charlotte (@LoftusCharlotte) November 13, 2013
David Dayen again, this time accusing JP Morgan having a hand in funding drug cartels:
What’s it like working with Mexican drug cartels? Do they tip? #AskJPM — David Dayen (@ddayen) November 13, 2013
Alexis Goldstein wanted to know if the collection of fines that the bank has to pay is a source of pride.
Is the fact that you’ve paid over half a billion in fines since August a source or pride, or are you embarrassed it’s not higher? #AskJPM — alexis goldstein (@alexisgoldstein) November 13, 2013
Kevin Murphy was curious about what makes a person want to join a morally bankrupt institution:
Did you always want to be part of a vast, corrupt criminal enterprise or did you “break bad”? #AskJPM — Kevin Murphy (@kcm74) November 13, 2013
Eddy Elfenbein needed some advice on keeping his linens fresh:
What’s the best way to get blood stains out of a clown suit? #AskJPM — Eddy Elfenbein (@EddyElfenbein) November 13, 2013
Having suffered a blow to their character and unable to respond to the hardline questions, J.P. called it quits:
Tomorrow’s Q&A is cancelled. Bad Idea. Back to the drawing board.
— J.P. Morgan (@jpmorgan) November 14, 2013
(Pictures via WikiCommons, Twitter)
