Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
@WordsWFriends
Words With Friends#MaleDictionary “I let you win in Words with Friends” = “I lost and don’t know how to deal with it”
7 minutes ago via CoTweet · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@itsmarkmedley
Mark MedleyDoes JK Rowling’s new novel become the most-anticipated book of all-time? It’s like god announcing a follow-up to the Bible. 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@HAL9000_
HAL 9000I am annoyed JK Rowling’s new book will be published in English. They never release new literature in C++ anymore. 4 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@funnyorfact
Funny Facts#MaleDictionary : I’m hungry. = I’m hungry. 19 minutes ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@AlbertBrooks
Albert BrooksIt’s halftime at the debate. Would love to see Madonna come on and blow Santorum. #CNNdebate 18 hours ago via HootSuite · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@AXE
AXE#MaleDictionary Let’s watch a movie at my place = Let’s do everything except watch the movie. -LaurenwithAXE 15 minutes ago via HootSuite · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@robdelaney
rob delaneyGuns don’t kill people. Rick Santorum kills people in public restrooms then texts pictures of their corpses to Jared Leto. 18 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzLast night’s GOP debate was overshadowed by the palpable sexual tension between Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. 5 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@Franks_23
C. FranksGas prices are higher than Wiz Khalifa 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@MensHumor
Men’s HumorThe toothpaste tube is never empty. Car companies should hire Colgate to design their gas tanks. 2 hours ago via Tweetie for Mac · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@pourmecoffee
pourmecoffeeGetting up early to siphon gas from neighbors makes me sleepy. 8 hours ago via TweetDeck · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@DamonLindelof
Damon LindelofIf I worked at Paramount, I would offer Meryl Streep one billion dollars to go to the Oscars as THE DICTATOR. http://t.co/xQdwEUEq 19 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@God_Damn_Batman
The BatmanI don’t care if they were on sale, Alfred. I’m NOT WEARING SUPERMAN BOXER-BRIEFS! 13 minutes ago via Batcomputer · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@scullymike
Mike ScullyLennon & McCartney wrote our most enduring and beloved ringtones. 22 minutes ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@DearAnyone
Artie JohannTechnically, anything can be a scratch and sniff. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto
@DamienFahey
Damien Fahey“I’ll keep your legs warm while you’re telling a few racist jokes on a boat.” -Khaki pants 2 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto