Science – or urban mythology – has constantly told us that Twinkies last forever. They’re man’s best friend in the event of a toxic nuclear fallout because such mortal concerns as expiration dates do not concern Twinkies. Twinkies take the space-time continuum and make rudimentary origami bananas out of it. They’re the Chuck Norris of food. But, Twinkies appear to have met one foe over whom they cannot overcome: bankruptcy.
Hostess Brands, the maker of Twinkies and other sugar-laden treats near and dear to the American waistline, have announced that they are prepping to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, reports the Wall Street Journal today. So how deeply into the red is Hostess, whose sweet stash also includes Ding Dongs and Ho-Hos? $860 million.
That’s a big Twinkie.
Despite the megasweet treats from Hostess having precisely zero redeeming health value, people are saddened nonetheless about the news of the impending absence of Twinkies on their grocery shelves. Many people expressed their lament today on Twitter:
@hale_razor
RazorNo more Twinkies? We’ll have to change the metaphor for “thing that lasts beyond the apocalypse” to “tenured professor.”
22 minutes ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@TheWaltWhitman
Walt WhitmanHostess is bankrupt. Let’s all band together and buy it before the Chinese start making our twinkies. 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@StefanoSpeaks
Jennifer StefanoSo they could make a food product that was indestructible but not a company. Bye-Bye twinkies, hello waistline! http://t.co/ffymsJUR 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@texaszman
texaszmanYou know the Economy is Rough when Hostess Twinkies Goes Bankrupt…. http://t.co/CWG9wtaF 18 minutes ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@GasheadAu
Tim SmithSo, Twinkies can survive a nuclear attack… but not an economic recession then. 19 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@CBSNews
CBS NewsSugar crash? Twinkies maker reportedly facing cash crunch http://t.co/KN5vAjXj 50 minutes ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@magicspoon
Dustin DavisI know. All light is going out of the world. RT @Jessica_Chobot Hostess is going out of business!? 3 minutes ago via Twitterrific · powered by @socialditto
@doctor_jeff
Doctor JeffBemoaning the demise of Hostess is like being sad about losing that company that made your cigarettes as a kid. Same healthy impact! 51 minutes ago via TweetCaster for Android · powered by @socialditto
@etherbrian
etherbrianIf we are what we eat, by scarfing down a Hostess Twinkie which you had intended to purchase, I cause us to be cosmically linked. 16 minutes ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@FatboyRoberts
Fatboy RobertsHostess is going out of business? Woody Harrelson is gonna be PISSED. I’d give that dude a wide berth. Maybe send flowers or somethin. 16 minutes ago via Seesmic · powered by @socialditto
@CHAPSGENSTORE
Larry Chapman#Hostess cupcakes is filing for bankruptcy! How can a #cupcake make go belly up in middle of #obesity epidemic? A world without #Twinkies! 9 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@This_I_Defend
MikeRBreaking: Hussein 0bama blames Bush for Hostess bankrupcy. NO Twinkies for You. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@lczdad
LarryTwinkies last longer than company baking them. http://t.co/6nfuMdnt 17 minutes ago via Safari on iOS · powered by @socialditto
@MattPhifer
Matthew PhiferJust heard the end of #Twinkies may be near. @Hostess_Snacks is filing for #bankruptcy. Say it ain’t so! 16 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@Hostess_Snacks
Hostess Snacks@mattphifer Don’t worry, Twinkies never say die. 1 hour ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto