Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today, we talk about sports: College Football starting tonight, NFL running back Chris Johnson getting a contract extension. Plus, one Tweeter asks a good question about a common Twitter trending topic. Enjoy!
@pattonoswalt
Patton OswaltGot a problem with your golf game? I sincerely hope you fix it. But don’t make a movie about it.
7 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@JasonSobelGC
Jason SobelNFL star Chris Johnson agrees to 4-year/$53.5 million extension. That contract alone would place him fourth on all-time PGA Tour money list. 2 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@FakeAPStylebook
Fake AP StylebookWhen writing about states’ rights, be sure to cite relevant precedents. U.S. v. The Confederate States of America is especially relevant. 1 hour ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeMy French Fries and cole slaw are touching. #FirstWorldProblems 2 hours ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto
@EricStangel
Eric StangelIn order to believe hoax Tony Danza died while filming in New Zealand, you’d have to believe that he was filming anything 37 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@tompapa
Tom Papain honor of the start of College Football I have covered my floor with nachos and am drinking grain alcohol through a straw. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Lord_Voldemort7
The Dark LordIf you didn’t board the #hogwartsexpress this morning then your life is sad. 6 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@PeytonsHead
Peyton’s HeadWhy does Bernie Mac always trend when his reruns are on? “The Andy Griffith Show” is on all the time and you never see “RIP Don Knotts”. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@biorhythmist
mattDon’t forget: No wearing pants after Labor Day. 19 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonKids who drink coffee are assholes. 5 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@PaulyPeligroso
Pauly CasillasI couldn’t work at a Rainforest Cafe without yelling “You know where you are? You’re in the jungle baby! You’re gonna die!” 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto