Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
Bill Clinton waking up right now in a sea of “OBAMA 2012” pennants, hairy pits, and discarded mom jeans.
I’d rather watch the VHS tape from the Ring than see one more Facebook photo of sorority girls doing their gang signs.
Instead of throwing the first pitch, it’d be fun if Presidents had to quarterback the first play of a football game.
Looking forward to being rich enough to throw a phone at somebody without consequence.
Ugh I keep writing ‘Kindle Touch 3G’ on all my checks.
Statistically, there is a fat kid named Herbie stuck on a water slide somewhere in the Midwest.
It seems like all Living Social and Groupon think I want to do is paddleboard with a freshly-waxed butthole.
Natalie Portman at the DNC is equal time for Senator Palpatine’s RNC speech.
Bill Clinton should be the Secretary of Explaining Things.
Relationships are all about finding someone that hates your parents as much as you do.
“Oh, cool, Shia Labeouf’s in this,” she whispered as I realized this would be the last time I ever saw her.
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.