Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
@mikedicenzo
Mike DiCenzoJust realized that, in “Groundhog Day,” Bill Murray also experienced a never-ending Black History Month.
2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@DRUNKHULK
DRUNK HULKWATCH PEOPLE REACT TO WATCHMEN PREQUEL LOT LIKE WATCH KRISTEN BELL MEET SLOTH! 6 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@TheAngryDM
ScottTomorrow’s Groundhog Day. Remember: If the groundhog doesn’t see its shadow, winter is over. If it doesn’t see its reflection, its a vampire 46 minutes ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@jaybaer
Jay BaerThe Super Bowl is single-handedly keeping cursory knowledge of Roman numerals alive. 3 hours ago via ConvinceandConvert · powered by @socialditto
@BenVolinPBP
Benjamin VolinTom Brady on growing up with 3 older sisters: “They dressed me up a few times in their clothes and painted my nails once, but it was nice.” 4 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@DamienFahey
Damien FaheyHappy Black History Month. I can say that because some of my best friends are history majors. 27 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzTo mark Black History Month, I propose a month of silence from Newt Gingrich. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@travishelwig
Travis HelwigHappy Ignorant White People Posting Angry Updates About Black History Month on Facebook Month 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JohnFugelsang
John FugelsangNewt Gingrich isn’t pulling out just yet but promises he will before it’s too late. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@ConanOBrien
Conan O’Brien.@MittRomney won the Florida primary. Amazing how much better he runs when he’s left in the charger for the full 8 hours. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@firstworldme
First World ProblemsI’m on an annual salary and it’s a leap year so I have to work for free for a day #firstworldproblems 5 minutes ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto
@MarylandMudflap
Scotty L.Someone please tell my parents that I’ll stop calling them when I’m drunk when they start sending me to Space Camp. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@toddbarry
Todd Barry#3WordsThatWomenHate 1.IBoughtAGallonOfYour 2.FavoriteIceCream 3.ButIAteItOnTheRideBackFromTheGroceryStore 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@TheFakeESPN
The Fake ESPNIn an attempt to salvage lost commitments, Penn State is offering a signing bonus which includes a taser, pepper spray & a rape whistle. 3 hours ago via Twitter for Mac · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonBlack History Month should be called “Four Weeks Of Morgan Freeman’s Voiceover Work” 3 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@Justin_Stangel
Justin StangelSoul Train creator Don Cornelius has passed away. Lately we’ve lost many talented performers and Corey Haim 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto