Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we have some fallout from last night’s Grammy noms. We also find out what it will take for one user to respect NASCAR and learn what the phrase “Building For Jesus” really means.
Enjoy!
@funnyordie
Funny Or DieThe amount of people in LA tweeting that they’re scared of the wind suggests that perhaps our medical marijuana system is out of control.
10 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@GuyEndoreKaiser
Guy Endore-KaiserIf NASCAR wants me to believe it’s not a sport for idiots, they should stop reminding the drivers to start their engines. 1 hour ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto
@Lord_Voldemort7
The Dark LordHappy December! Unless you’re single. Then. thankfully, you have a long, dreary winter to look forward to after spending the holidays alone! 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@firstworldme
First World ProblemsSomebody communicated with me via Google+ #firstworldproblems 3 hours ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto
@mdotbrown
Myles BrownAdele isn’t gonna be nearly as happy with that Grammy when she finds out it doesn’t have a chocolate center. 14 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@TheFakeESPN
The Fake ESPNToys R Us decides NOT to sponsor this year’s Molesta Bowl between Penn St and Syracuse, NCAA in talks with Abercrombie 1 hour ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@kellyoxford
kelly oxford“Building for Jesus” is code for “You won’t get paid” 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@Twistedlilkitty
MariaChristmas reminds me that Santa Claus is always watching me, listening to my phone calls, taking photos….Wait, Rupert Murdoch is Santa? 7 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@DamienFahey
Damien FaheyYou know that spot where the tip of your weiner touches the hotel robe? Yeah, so does every other guy who’s ever stayed in that room. 36 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Brick_James
Baron Von BrickGrammys hiphop award categories is rap for hiphop dance classes for middle aged soccer moms at the city center. 14 hours ago via twicca · powered by @socialditto
@hipstermermaid
braden graeberNothing says Christmas like a love duet between a 41-year-old woman and a 17-year-old boy set in a Nintendo/Macy’s commercial. 46 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@PimpBillClinton
Bill ClintonNewt Gingrich’s head looks like a freezer bag full of mashed potatoes and old cat turds. 59 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@EugeneMirman
Eugene MirmanI wish Sprite would make a condescending racially charged ad campaign for all types of people. 45 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@techierob
The Real TechierobI’m fat, I have a beard, and I’m more than willing to mentally scar children for life. Anyone in London looking for a cheap santa? 5 hours ago via spodlogger · powered by @socialditto
@funnybrad
Brad WilliamsKourtney Kardashian is pregnant again. It’s actually her third child. The first had to be offered to Khloe as a human sacrifice. 21 hours ago via Facebook · powered by @socialditto
@caren
Caren Kelleher“Bon Iver for Best New Artist? Ugh, I liked him in ’08.” — every hipster in America 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto