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Tag: kim jong-il

  • North Korea Launches Ballistic Missile Into Sea

    North Korea Launches Ballistic Missile Into Sea

    On the day before the 61st anniversary of the Korean War armistice, North Korea launched a short-range ballistic missile into the sea off its east coast.

    The missile was fired from the country’s southwest Hwanghae province on Saturday evening, and traveled roughly 310 miles over land before touching down in the Sea of Japan. North Korea routinely test-fires missiles as a means to display its military prowess, though Great Successor Kim Jong-un has been firing an uncharacteristically high amount of smaller, short-range ammunition this year. His father, Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, had preferred to sporadically launch longer-range warheads and conduct nuclear tests, in attempts to force concessions from the rest of the world.

    North Korea demands that South Korea tone down their joint military drills with the U.S. troops stationed in the region, because the exercises look similar to a rehearsal for invasion, from the vantage of Pyongyang. The DPNK would also like Seoul to stop with all of the slander, and the South Koreans would like a more serious stance on nuclear disarmament from Kim Jong-un’s regime.

    What was transpiring when this photo was taken actually happened, in real life:

    Kim Jong-un’s style is different from that of his late father, perhaps due to his age, as well as possible hard feelings over being a sort of walking internet meme. Recently, Pyongyang had asked China to attempt to control the viral spread of a YouTube clip featuring the Great Successor dancing through a series of absurd situations.

    Also, video game developer Moneyhorse is set to release Glorious Leader!, an old-school shoot-’em-up which features scenarios that describe Kim’s life-facts generated by the propaganda machine of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

    Here is the trailer for Glorious Leader!:

    Image via YouTube

  • Kim Jong-Un’s ‘Executed’ Ex-Girlfriend Seen Alive

    North Korea’s Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un reportedly ordered the execution of an ex-girlfriend last summer over a sex tape she was involved in, though now the formerly presumed-deceased pop singer Hyon Song-Wol was seen on state television delivering a speech at a national art workers rally in Pyongyang on Friday.

    Song-wol, who was a lover of Jong-un when they both were teenagers, had incurred the disdain the 31-year-old Supreme Leader’s wife Ri Sol-ju, after the pop star was involved in a sex scandal. Jong-un was initially forced to separate from Song-wol years before, at the command of his late father, Dear Leader Kim Jong-il.

    It was reported last August by the South Korean newspaper Chosun Ilbo that Song-wol and eleven other well-known entertainers had been caught making a sex tape, and then executed by firing squad. Though on Friday, Hyon conveyed gratitude for Jong-un’s leadership and pledged to work harder to “stoke up the flame for art and creative work.”

    In North Korea, a “sex tape” could be something considered to be G-rated in the Western world. Here is the clip which supposedly put Hyon in hot water:

    Here is Hyon Song-wol’s rock video for Excellent Horse Like Lady (A Girl in the Saddle Of A Steed) from 2005, which appears to extol the graces of maintaining equine-like stamina in the workplace:

    Hyon’s band, the Unhasu Orchestra, had performed a string of patriotic hits in North Korea, including Footsteps of Soldiers, I Love Pyongyang, She is a Discharged Soldier and We are Troops of the Party. Hyon’s popularity peaked with Excellent Horse-Like Lady.

    It’s not clear if other members of the Wangjaesan Light Band and Moranbong Band, who were also said to be executed for violated North Korean pornography laws are still alive, after it was reported that they were killed by machine guns while their families watched. It was also reported that said families were then sent to prison camps for “guilt by association.”

    Executions in North Korea are said to be particularly fast and brutal, with prisoners force-fed liquor and gagged, before being killed with no chance for reprieve.

    In related news, Jong-un now has his own video game called Glorious Leader!, in which he battles drones, entire armies and the Statue of Liberty, with the help of his flaming unicorn and Dennis Rodman.

    Here is the trailer:

    Image via YouTube

  • Kim Jong-Un Stars in ‘Glorious Leader!’ Video Game

    Independent video game developer Moneyhorse has announced a title for PC and mobile called Glorious Leader!, which stars North Korea’s Great Successor Kim Jong-un as the main playable character.

    Players can guide the rotund despot through seven levels in the old-school shoot-’em-up, in scenarios that describe Kim Jong-un life-facts generated by the propaganda machine of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

    These faithfully reproduced side-scrolling facts include the time when the Dear Leader thwarted the United States when it attacked his homeland with an aircraft carrier and the Statue of Liberty.

    Other playable trials (the game recalls Konami’s classic Contra series) include the the time when Kim Jong-un was involved in the epic unicorn battle of North Hamgyong, where the puppet dictator vanquished 10,000 invading imperialists and destroyed 200 drones. Here the plump leader rides his faithful flaming unicorn:

    kim jong un

    Here is a shot of the aforementioned Statue of Liberty invasion scenario:

    kim jong un

    Here is the Glorious Leader! teaser trailer, which features NBA Hall of Famer and Kim Jong-un BFF Dennis Rodman:

    Rodman, seen below singing happy birthday to Jong-un during a bizarre basketball exhibition in North Korea in January, reportedly entered alcohol rehab soon after returning to the U.S.

    Kim Jong-un has held the titles of the First Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Korea, the Chairman of the Central Military Commission, First Chairman of the National Defense Commission of North Korea, the Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army and presidium member of the Politburo of the Workers’ Party of Korea. He was officially declared the Supreme Leader following the state funeral for his father Kim Jong-il on December 28, 2011.

    Here the people of North Korea cry hysterically over the passing of Kim Jong-il:

    Moneyhorse hasn’t set a release date, and the CEO of that company commented that his team has tried to “carefully walk the line of satire without being an apologist for the (North Korean) regime.”

    Images via YouTube

  • Kim Yo-Jong, Sister Of North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Un Makes First Official Appearance On Election Day

    Election Day was a family affair for North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. Along with his escort of party and military officials, Kim Jong-un brought along his younger sister Kim Yo-jong to the polling station for the socialist nation’s quinquennial elections.

    The state-run television network showed images of Kim Yo-jong trailing her brother’s group en route to the polling station at the capital’s Kim Il-sung University of Politics. Another image showed Kim Yo-jong in the act of casting her ballot.

    This may be Kim Yo-jong’s official debut, but it is not the first time she has been in public with her brother. In 2011, she was present at the funeral of her father and former North Korean leader Kim Jong-il, which was televised. Kim Yo-jong has also been seen accompanying her brother during his local and overseas trips.

    Kim Yo-jong, who is believed to be 26 years old, is the youngest sister of the current North Korean dictator and the youngest daughter of the late Kim Jong-il. During her recent appearance, she donned a black suit and skirt, and was listed as a senior government official, although the exact position was not specified.

    In 2012, Kim Yo-jong was seen on television riding a white steed with her aunt and Kim Jong-il’s sister Kim Kyong-hui. The elder female Kim, who has the rank of a four-star general, was very active in North Korean politics before she reportedly fell ill.

    North Korea’s state-run news agency KCNA reported a unanimous victory with zero abstention for Kim Jong-un. The agency claims that “all voters of the constituency participated in the voting process” and that 100 percent of them chose Kim Jong-un. The North Korean ballot contained only one name – Kim Jong-un’s – and voters were required to write down “Yes” or “No” on the paper.

    Image via South China Morning Post

  • Kim Jong Un Gives New Year’s Day Speech

    Kim Jong Un Gives New Year’s Day Speech

    North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un on Wednesday praised the recent purge of “counterrevolutionary” elements from the government, in reference to last month’s execution of his uncle Jang Song Thaek for treason.

    Kim said the party had been united a hundred fold after removing those who were causing faction. In his New Year’s address, Kim said the ruling party was able to detect counterrevolutionary factionists and anti-party dissenters at the opportune time. Following the decisions, “The Party and revolutionary ranks were further consolidated and our single-hearted unity was solidified to the maximum,” Kim said

    Kim further opined that for the country to progress, it needs to be more vigilant in weeding out any sort of alien ideology and called for thorough worker’s ideological education so that party members can think and act in unison with the party’s philosophy.

    The North Korean government is notorious for its dictatorship and the way it has successfully used propaganda to project a picture of a powerful Kim who demands unquestionable loyalty. The purge of Kim’s uncle will likely be used for more propaganda.

    Kim became the country’s ruler in 2011 following the death of his father, King Jong II. He turns 31 next week and experts say the removal of the highest ranking government official may consolidate his power or bring chaos.

    Meanwhile, Kim talked about a number of policy goals for the country including agriculture and the economy. However, the North Korean leader did not make mention of foreign investment or international trade as his father had done. This could mean that North Korea may have to focus on domestic trade.

    Other issues mentioned include U.S. and South Korea’s interference in his country’s nuclear plans. Last month, South Korea warned that a military provocation is a possibility if North Korea does not cease its nuclear ambitions.

    Image via YouTube

  • North Korean Prisons Make Hell Look like a Vacation

    Below this sentence lies graphic content  that will make you lose faith in humanity. If you don’t want to read and see drawings about another atrocity in the world, click here.

    You’ve been warned.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEKjlip9ECk

     

    It takes only an accusation of political “offense” or “unreliability” to be sent off to an internment camp in North Korea. This includes guilt by association, so if one of your family members or friends decides to even act remotely suspicious at all, you’ll be coming along with them. Trying to illegally leave the country, listening to a South Korean broadcast, or criticizing government policy are all offenses that will place you in a “revolutionary zone”. If you’re someone who “committed crimes against the regime” or have been denounced as “politically unreliable” (Christians, for example), you’ll be headed to a “total control zone”. The only difference between the two is that the former gives a vague promise of an eventual release, while the later involves life in prison.

    You might be sent to Yodok, where you’ll live in Kwansilo 15 (translated as “correctional facility”), a political prison where the average temperature ranges from -4 to -22 degrees in winter; one toilet is shared among 200 inmates; adequate medicine is not accessible; and you’ll be forced to watch executions involving the hangings or shootings of your fellow inmates. Shin Dong-hyuk, who was born in Kwansilo 14 and managed to escape to tell his tale described being forced to watch public executions:

    “Shortly after my father and I were reunited after being tortured at a torture chamber in Kwansilo 14 for over seven months, we were blindfolded again and taken outside to a public square where a crowd of people had gathered. I recognized the place as a public execution site that was used two to three times every year. The hand cuffs were removed, and we were told to sit in the front row of the crowd. We saw two convicts, a man and a woman, being dragged to the site from some distance. As the convicts were dragged closer, to my horror, I recognized them; they were my mother and brother! My brother was obviously very weak, his bones clearly visible beneath his skin, my mother seemed swollen from head to foot. An indictment was read aloud, the final words of which stated that Chang Hye-kyong and Shin Ha-kun, enemies of the people, were sentenced to death. And then, in front of my father and me, my mother was first executed by hanging and, then, my brother was shot by a firing squad.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lr6Rw0ltFxc

    Political prisoners endure punishments that include being placed indefinitely in a solitary 4×4 cell, water boarding, being beaten while being suspended from a rope that’s tied to handcuffs locked to ankles and wrists, sleep deprivation, bamboo slits under fingernails, et al.  If they don’t die from an execution or torture, they’ll be among the 40 per cent who perish from malnutrition. Food is found by any means necessary, including hunting rats and snakes, and, what Shin Dong-hyuk describes a “lucky day”, finding “kernels of corn in a small pile of cow dung.”

    The North Korean government (despite testimonies from former detainees and satellite photos) denies the existence of the prisons which hold 200,000 inmates.

    Below are illustrations from an alleged escaped prisoner that have yet been confirmed, but are congruent to escapee claims.

  • Kim Jong-Un Gives Himself the Title of Army Chief

    Kim Jong-Un, the recently-appointed North Korean leader and son of deceased Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Il, has taken his role as the country’s masthead one step further. Following the departure of military leader Ri Yong-ho — the country has stated that his vacancy was due in part to health concerns — Kim Jong-Un has appointed himself as Army Chief. Although reports previously indicated that Kim intended to place someone of his choosing into the role, it would appear that the newly-minted ruler had other plans in mind.

    The announcement came directly from the country’s state media, claiming that Jong-Un was extremely interested in holding the same title his father held before his death late last year. Some believe this move was made in order for the young leader to leave his mark on North Korea, and to show that he isn’t entirely controlled by the military. Puppet leader, be damned.

    Some analysts have speculated Jong-Un’s appointment as Army Chief precedes an announcement regarding the country’s nuclear program. However, officials at the Korean Institute of Geoscience and Mineral Resources have reported that no seismic activity has been documented in the area, which indicates that nuclear testing has not taken place. This, of course, is extremely good news, as the country seems obsessed with flexing its military muscles from time-to-time. As if their million-man army wasn’t enough to get the point across.

    Trying to get information out of North Korea is an almost impossible task. Very little is known about the country and its new leader, including his real age. Recently, a mysterious woman dressed in black was spotted alongside Kim Jong-Un, prompting endless speculation as to who, precisely, this lady really is. Some have said she’s nothing more than the leader’s lover, while others believe she could be his younger sister.

    Wise-cracking Twitter users have weighed in on the Kim’s announcement. A few of their witty comments can be found in the space provided below. If you’re curious, check ’em out.

  • North Korea Would Punish Cellphone Users As War Criminals

    Genocides, obliterations of cities, murder of prisoners, egregious violation of international humanitarian law. These are crimes that will likely get a person tried as a war criminal.

    But using a cellphone? Um. Sure… at least, that’s the case in North Korea these days.

    According to The Telegraph, the Worker’s Party in North Korea, in their crazy-pants logic, have declared that anyone found using a mobile phone during the 100-day mourning period of Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il, will be tried as “war criminals” and punished in accordance to those trespasses. North Koreans will also earn the “war criminal” label if they’re caught trying to cross the border to China in order to flee the abject starvation ubiquitous in North Korea. Repeat offenders, the Telegraph reported, “can expect to be executed.”

    Nothing, as far as this intrepid reporter could discern, was said about the dictate on the Worker’s Party’s official Twitter account, @uriminzok, but then again, would you expect them to plaster that all over the open media? I don’t read Korean well enough (read: not at all) to understand exactly what the tweets say and I’m skeptical of Google’s translation services to accurately deliver cogent statements (that, or the tweets from the government’s account really are that looney).

    (image)@GoogleUriminzok
    Dear Leader    Clouded the river and dropped the dog, even if it does not blur the great ocean #DPRK @uriminzok #NorthKorea(image) 3 days ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@GoogleUriminzok
    Dear Leader    “Reform and open” cried all the morals of the condemned only to repeat the train of predecessors #NorthKorea @uriminzok #DPRK(image) 2 days ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@GoogleUriminzok
    Dear Leader    1/2 DPRK confrontation light gotten this far in the bone marrow increased by a madman now become #DPRK @uriminzok #NorthKorea(image) 1 day ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    The only thing I can parse from these tweets (which were taken from the official account that translates the tweets from the Worker’s Party’s account) is that the DPRK may have the same speech writer as Newt Gingrich.

  • Kim Jong-il Was An Internet Troll

    Kim Jong-il Was An Internet Troll

    It’s no secret that North Korea veritable black hole when it comes to Internet access. It’s probably, at least partly, why the world didn’t find out until Monday that Kim Jong-il had suffered a heart attack and died the previous Saturday. However, in the same manner he enjoyed all of the spoils of life that he simultaneously deprived from the citizens of North Korea, Kim really liked him some Internets. In fact, he claimed to be an “Internet expert.”

    According to Mother Board, Kim was not ashamed of this accolade:

    The DPRK’s Dear Leader fancied himself as such during an international summit in 2007. Seven years prior, he had asked U.S. Secretary of State Madeline Albright for her email address, indicating that the North Korean internet black hole was perhaps not as thoroughly opaque as we made it out to be — at least not for those at the top.

    For the rest of the world, surfing those scant blips of North Korean internet activity is still a very mysterious and weird experience: Of the 30 or so known North Korean websites, only one of them, belonging to its state-run news agency and run by a company called Star Joint Ventures, originates from inside North Korea itself. Bereft of the usual DNS handling, it can be accessed directly at 175.45.176.14, and seems to contain very little actual information beyond — you guessed it — a log of Kim Jong-il’s recent activities, which include attending giant performances in his honor and rejecting human rights bills.

    “Dear Leader” went so far as to create a government-run Twitter account in order to broadcast his message to… well, no one, exactly, since North Koreans have virtually no access to the Internet. Here’s a sample of tweets from that account, @uriminzok:

    @uriminzok
    uriminzokkiri    국가장의위원회 공보
    http://t.co/7heefWtZ 13 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Actually, you probably can’t read that, so here are translations provided by @GoogleUriminzok, a Twitter account that uses Google Translate to relay Dear Leader’s tweets in English:

    @GoogleUriminzok
    Dear Leader    1/2 Dear Sir Career of Kim Jong Il just finish the rest of the day Forget everything solely dedicated to #NorthKorea @uriminzok #DPRK 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    @GoogleUriminzok
    Dear Leader    1/2 Our army and people of the Great Leader Comrade Kim Jong Il forever look up high all along sigo eun leadership of Comrade General, #DPRK 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    @GoogleUriminzok
    Dear Leader    2/2 his revolutionary cause of Juche stand came after we get out brilliantly succeeded in perfecting collateral is crucial #NorthKorea #DPRK 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    @GoogleUriminzok
    Dear Leader    Kim Jong Il is the great eternal hasinda @uriminzok #NorthKorea #DPRK http://t.co/6B2YA66C 1 day ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    @GoogleUriminzok
    Dear Leader    1/2 After all the blood to enjoy a quiet garden hajamyeon fox, just like you evict U.S. forces from south Korea to get rid of aggression and 1 day ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    @GoogleUriminzok
    Dear Leader    2/2 a thorough criminal ryaktalro naejjotahya myeongjuleul should now lead to a bunch of Yankees. #NorthKorea @uriminzok #DPRK 1 day ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    You can kind of parse a nationalist message amid those broken translations but the true intent of these proclamations can’t really be understood. What I get is basically: We’re great, U.S. and South Korea are bad. Funny enough, North Korea’s official twitter account is only following four other accounts. Three of them are DPRK-related accounts, but then there’s this guy:

    Yeah, I have no idea what that means, either. Jimmy’s message of making the world a better place, though, doesn’t really seem to gibe with Kim’s despotic them.

  • Kim Jong-il Dies, Twitter Will Only Be Used For Reaction Jokes

    Kim Jong-il, North Korea leader and despotic rocker of BluBlockers, died of a heart attack this past Saturday, leaving a capacious gap in source material for many comedians. Kim’s 29-year-old son and Little Debbie connoisseur, Kim Jong-un, will succede his father and take over leadership of North Korea. Those will likely be some big jumpsuits to fill.

    After years of trying to convince the rest of his world that the people of North Korea could merely sate their hunger pangs with the savory pride of a fledgling nuclear weapons program, “Dear Leader” was remembered today on Twitter and was actually still a trending topic as of this morning. Before getting to the Twitter reactions, though, I’d like all readers to prime themselves with the following video that depicts North Koreans literally crazed with sorrow at the news of Kim’s death:

    (image)@Alex_Ogle
    Alex Ogle    Incredible video of North Koreans weeping hysterically today over Kim Jong-il’s death http://t.co/yXzGIEJn via @JonathanHaynes(image) 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Okay, ready? Set? Go!

    (image)@LouBrutus
    Lou Brutus    MORNING TWITTER: The death of Kim Jong II in North Korea may be the best example of “dropping a deuce” the world has ever seen. #HaterReport(image) 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@BadTasteJokes
    Bad Taste Jokes™ ?    Kim Jong Il has passed away due to a ‘heart ailment’ or as the rest of the world calls it…………. Karma.
    #BTJ(image) 1 hour ago via Osfoora for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@Prince___Harry
    Prince Harry    Kim Jong il is dead but the citizens of North Korea have been told he’s entered a sleeping competition.(image) 7 hours ago via Tweetbot for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@BorowitzReport
    Andy Borowitz    Per his instructions, Kim Jong-Il will be strapped to a nuclear missile and buried in South Korea.(image) 48 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@BBCBreaking
    BBC Breaking News    N Korea test fires short-range missile, on same day as announcing death of leader Kim Jong-il – S Korea news agency http://t.co/sSVjZflF(image) 2 hours ago via BBC News · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@TheFakeCNN
    The Fake CNN    CNN: “North Korea’s Kim Jong Il Dies.” Fox News: “Barack Obama Last Surviving Socialist Dictator.”(image) 1 hour ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@sickipediabot
    sickipediabot    So, Kim Jong il has died. For those stupid people who don’t keep up with current affairs, she was the leader of North Korea.(image) 1 hour ago via sickipediabot · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@robdelaney
    rob delaney    Rick Perry & Michele Bachmann SCRAMBLING to find out who Kim Jong Il was.(image) 10 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@TIME
    TIME.com    Kim Jong-Il has died and now all eyes are on his son, 29-year-old Kim Jong-Un | http://t.co/dU8lXrfr(image) 1 hour ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@TheRealOderus
    Oderus Urungus    With Gaddafi, Osama and Kim Jong II all dead, we are suffering a severe global shortage of crazy world leaders. I am ready to fill the gap!(image) 48 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@tobyharnden
    Toby Harnden    Kim Jong Il supposedly died of “over work”. In his honour, let’s not take any chances today.(image) 35 minutes ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@HuffingtonPost
    Huffington Post    Kim Jong Il’s Iconic Style Remembered (PHOTOS) http://t.co/MFh9XAAN(image) 43 minutes ago via The Huffington Post · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@RedHeadFashion
    Jo     Someone has pointed out that Gaddafi, Bin Laden and Kim Jong Il have all died this year. Maybe Team America does exist…(image) 4 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@DanMEATSIX
    Dan Flint    so Kim Jong is dead. Team America 1- NKorea 0.(image) 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    (image)@macleanbrendan
    Brendan Maclean    We did it Twitter. We made every Kim Jong-Il joke there was to make. I’m sure North Korea will appreciate it once they get the Internet.(image) 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto