Over the years, Jimmy Fallon has ripped into NFL players with his “Superlatives” segment. Though Fallon has targeted players on many squads, he seems to really dig into Seattle Seahawks stars.
For instance, Fallon once said Jon Ryan is “most likely to get sunburned by the moon,” and called Russell Wilson “most likely to wave with just his fingers.”
And Marshawn Lynch, well, Lynch has been at the end of many a Fallon superlative.
Now, the Seattle Seahawks are hitting back with their own superlatives β all about the Tonight Show host.
Check out the hilarious video below:
Here’s why the Seahawks felt the need to get revenge on Fallon:
I’d still give the edge to Fallon and his team of writers, but hey, the Seahawks’ superlatives were pretty good too.
Neeson recently joined Stephen Colbert on The Late Show in the defining role of his career β as part of the new Candy Crush movie.
“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my candies go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
Ok, that’s not what this movie is about. Also, it doesn’t really exist. But I’d watch it, would you?
Could a real movie based on Candy Crush really happen? Well, Activision Blizzard just acquired King digital Entertainment, the makers of Candy Crush, for $5.9 billion.
Then, Activision announced the formation of Activision Blizzard Studios, which is set to make movies based on its many gaming properties … which now includes Candy Crush.
In a totally relatable move, a Colorado man took his underperforming computer into an alley behind his house and pumped its guts full of lead.
Unfortunately for our hero everyman, that’s not exactly legal.
Colorado Springs Police say that 37-year-old Lucas Hinch was cited for discharging a firearm within city limits β which is against the law in Colorado Springs.
“Man Kills His Computer,” reads the official summary. “Officers responded to shots fired in the alley of 2200 W Colorado Av. Investigation revealed a resident was fed up with fighting his computer for the last several months. He took the computer into the back alley and fired 8 shots into the computer with a handgun, effectively disabling it.”
Man executes his computer in alley behind his home. Cited for discharging a firearm in city PB #21312 http://ow.ly/oWQcN
“It was glorious. Angels sung on high,” he told the LA Times. “It was premeditated, oh, definitely. I made sure there wasn’t anything behind it and nothing to ricochet.”
You never know when the next blue screen of death will push you over the edge.
Police took his gun, and he has to go to court to face a possible fine β but at least he’s in better shape than his old Dell. But next time you want to destroy a crappy machine, just opt for the Office Space technique.
If Jenny Mccarthy is to be believed, fans of The View better enjoy the show while it’s still on air.
Barbara Waltersβ former co-host has a pretty low opinion on the chances of the talk show still remaining on air for much longer because of the producers’ serial dating tendencies.
“Itβs like a serial dater. Stick with one boyfriend and donβt go on Tinder,” the actress said of The Viewβs tendency to keep changing sets, background and even hosts.
The show is admittedly notorious for the quick turnaround of hosts in recent years.
McCarthy left the show after only one season, along with show stalwart Sherri Shepherd. Since then, The View has welcomed Nicole Wallace, Rosie Perez and Rosie O’Donnell (who was welcomed twice) and a slew of guest panelists.
O’Donnell has already left the show (again) and there have been rumors that Perez is also on the way out.
According to McCarthy, the problem is that the producers are afflicted with a bad case of instant gratification.
βIf it doesnβt boil quick, youβre out,β she said. βI feel like theyβre not allowing anything to grow.
Going back to her dating metaphor, the 42-year-old McCarthy believes the solution is to “give that relationship all youβve got and ride through the bumps and waves.β
Since the new Mrs. Donnie Wahlberg seems to have figured The View out, would she be willing to go back and help keep it afloat?
“No, thank you,” was her answer to an offer one producer made. “Because I couldn’t be me,β she explained.
And being herself is apparently very important to the blonde bombshell. Β Luckily, her new show Dirty, Sexy, Funny on SiriusXM allows her to be herself and more, something that the funny lady is grateful for.
“I’ve never been more happy with a job in my entire life…I get to be myself,β she raved about her new show.
A 78-year-old man who is part of a body that helps runs the United States of America has a Frozen ringtone. And on Thursday, his Frozen ringtone interrupted a hearing.
What you’re about to see is Republican Senator Pat Roberts, from the great state of Kansas, silencing his phone when the familiar chorus of “Let It Go” interrupts Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack. You’ll also see a well-timed, but completely obvious Frozen joke.
And this is Vilsack reacting to the interruption.
According to ABC News, this all went down during a Senate Finance Committee hearing about U.S. tariff policy.
Once the offending phone was silenced, Roberts went back to talking about things that affect the country.
Somebody had to tell the Obama Administration to "Let it go." #forthegrandkids
After Amazon unveiled its Prime Air drones in 2013, Netflix released a parody video showcasing its own vision for drones, which would see the devices delivering DVD envelopes.
Now, Netflix has a new video lampooning the Apple Watch:
Like the Netflix drones, the Netflix watch also makes an appearance in the restroom.
I guess Netflix doesn’t envision the Apple Watch or other smart watches as the ideal devices for watching its content. We’ll see if people agree. Apparently they do want the drones.
LOL the police are searching my house and I’m hiding in the cabinet don’t tell them haha π
That’s probably not the exact message 24-year-old Christopher Wallace sent on Snapchat, but it could’ve been.
Wallace has been arrested and charged after police tracked his location thanks to a series of Snapchat posts he made. Wallace had been wanted by police for some time in connection to a recent burglary. Somerset County, Maine police asked the community to help find Wallace, and they did β by alerting police to a series of Snapchat stories he posted while on the run.
From the Somerset County Sheriff’s Office:
Last night, using the Snapchat app, Wallace posted that he was at his house in Fairfield, which prompted people to call the Sheriff’s Office. Corporal Ritchie Putnam, Deputy Ron Blodgett (from our agency), and two officers from Fairfield Police Department went to the residence. They were given permission to search the house, and initially they did not find Wallace. Here’s where things went bad for him…While the deputies/officers were wrapping up their search, Wallace posted again on Snapchat. This time he posted that the police were searching for him in the house, and that he was hiding in a cabinet. Again, we received phone calls. A search of the kitchen cabinets turned up some food, some pots and pans, and also a pair of feet. The pair of feet just so happened to be attached to a person, and that person was Christopher Wallace. He was removed from the cabinet, and placed under arrest. All of that, brings me to the moral of the story. Always remain humble, my friends.
Sometimes the only response, however lazy, is just lol.
Police arrested a woman at the scene as well, for lying to police when they asked her if anyone was in the house.
Good morning. How are you? I'm fine. Thank you for asking.The big news of the morning is…Christopher Wallace was…
Apparently, teens couldn’t give less of a damn about Facebook these days. Every week you probably see an article about the troubling decline in Facebook use among teens. It’s Snapchat all the way these days. Facebook is for dad.
Wrong. Teens love Facebook so much that they can’t even stop themselves from Facebooking in the middle of a burglary.
CBS Miami reports that a 16-year-old Florida boy, the lesser known sidekick to the omnipresent Florida Man, was arrested and charged with burglary and theft after he went into a home, took some food items, moved a bunch of stuff around, used the family’s electronics, and left.
Authorities were able to find the kid because he left his Facebook account logged in on an iPad…
… which was “moved and charged.”
Which brings me to the fact that there are so many hilarious things about this.
The kid charged the family’s iPad for them. That’s just plain considerate right there.
He did look a porn on it though Β―\_(γ)_/Β―
Reports do not indicate that the teen stole much of anything, only that he “moved things around.”
But he did take a Pop-Tart and a soda.
According to Local10, the victims said “they never lock their front door” and they “don’t even have a key to it.” Ok, you deserve to have your Pop-Tarts eaten. You don’t deserve to have your iPad graciously charged.
The teen admitted to doing this more than once. We have a serial iPad charger on our hands.
This has happened before. Not the Pop-Tart part, but the logging into Facebook at the scene of the crime part. That one wasn’t as funny, as it was during an armed robbery.
When we heard that President Obama was stopping by Jimmy Kimmel Live, we wondered if Kimmel would have him participate in his best segment β celebrities reading mean tweets.
But then we thought β hey, where will they find any mean tweets about Obama for him to read? Is there anyone saying anything mean about our Commander-in-Chief on the internet? Will they have to make stuff up?
Not to fear, guys, they found some. And boy, no punches were pulled.
That gray hair joke. Brutal. Drop him on a golf course? LOL. People are so cruel these days.
We’re all glued to our devices at all times. It’s just the way the world works now. Ted Cruz is likely running for President, Miley Cyrus has more Twitter followers than any heads of state, and your teenage daughter is going to be Snapchatting at the dinner table. These are just realties, however painful, that we all must accept.
But still, let this serve as a cautionary tale β a plea from the universe to occasionally put away your phone and look at what’s in front of you.
Because you never know what’s going to be in front of you. I mean, really close to you. RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.
What you just watched is two women at a Charlotte Hornets game who happened to score some pretty sweet seats, but are still unable to put away the smartphone. You watch one of them suffer the ultimate price.
Patton Oswalt thinks that television is in its “American cinema in the early 70s” phase, and that’s reason enough to stay glued to your TV and never go out in the sun ever again.
Oswalt went on a predictably brilliant Twitter rant about how damn good TV is right now. It’ll make you want to skip work, go home, turn off all the lights, and catch up on the dozens of great shows you’ve been meaning to watch. Trust me.
I know I'm supposed to embrace life & go outside & sunshine & I'll be dead someday but fuck TV is SO GOOD right now. It really is.
Mark Duplass, creator and star of the new and well-received HBO series Togetherness is just like you. He also steals borrows someone else’s HBO GO password to watch Game of Thrones.
Duplass stopped by Watch What Happens Live and had this response to a caller’s question about cool perks of having a deal with Netflix.
“You get to these wonderful place in your life, like having a show on HBO … I’m gonna be honest with you right now β I still use my father’s HBO GO password. I don’t have HBO in my home.”
Stars, they’re just like us.
As far as Netflix goes, Duplass said he pays the same monthly fee as the rest of us.
Togetherness, which airs Sunday nights on HBO, is one of the best new shows of the season. Check it out with your stolen HBO GO password.
The Conservative Political Action Conference is in full swing, and conservatives all over the country are looking to see what the conservative political agenda will be for the next year. One of the early items on the agenda must have been better engaging the voting population via social media, because CPAC asked Twitter to formulate questions for today’s featured speakers:
Some people say there’s too much pork in this town. I could not agree more.
Sesame Street is smarter than your average kids show, and sometimes it likes to let mom and dad in on the fun.
Take this excellent House of Cards parody ‘House of Bricks’, starring Frank Underwolf. It’s the best retelling of the Three Little Pigs story you’ll see for some time, and the Spacey impression isn’t half bad. I mean, it doesn’t sound like Kevin Spacey but it’s a really good parody of Kevin Spacey’s Frank Underwood. “Worked like a chaaaaaaarm”
Check it out. Don’t you love it when kids shows think about the parents?
House of Cards, the actual show, will debut season three on Netflix on Friday.
According to Detective Ella Turner, who made the now-viral post, she’s not trivializing the crime. Instead, she just wanted the people of Crewe to see the police as human β someone they can talk to a trust.
Again, it’s not a trap. There have yet to be any serious inquiries regarding the lost coke.
* By straightened out, I mean arrested. Here’s what the Crewe Police Department had to say in a reply:
“We have been asked “would you really give it back?” Let us clarify… NO! We will not give you back your illegal narcotics. The narcotics are weighed, photographed and placed into a evidence locker to be destroyed upon the approval of the courts. We distribute lots of things, such as lollipops to our favorite kids, and tickets to lead footed friends, but we do not re-distribute your drugs. We hope this clarifies our post a bit more.”
Jimmy Kimmel’s best segment and one of the overall best bits on late night β mean tweets β has returned.
This time, it’s the second-ever all-music edition, which features the likes of Josh Groban, Drake, Lady Gaga, Sam Smith, Jessie J, Blake Shelton, Haim, Wiz Khalifa, Ed Sheeran, Iggy Azalea, Pitbull, Sia, Childish Gambino, Britney Spears, Ariana Grande, Jason Aldean, 5 Seconds Of Summer, Katy Perry and Psy.
In Canadian news, a Canadian man has gone full Canada and turned himself in to police after assuring them he would on Facebook.
CTV News says that Rodney Constantine was wanted on four warrants, including failing to appear in court and breaching court orders. The Royal Newfoundland Constabulary, who operates rather prolific social media accounts, took to both Facebook and Twitter solicit help in nabbing Constantine.
“Everybody is innocent until proven guilty in court; however police base charges on reasonable probable grounds. In other words, ‘was it reasonable and probably that an offense occurred?’ We commend Mr.s Constantine for acknowledging these charges and hopefully he will contact us to have the matter dealt with properly in court,” wrote police on Facebook.
Soon after, Constantine replied to their post, saying “See you Monday morn!!!”
“Look just letting everyone know this ain’t a joke or intended !!!! I was just been honest about turning in Monday morn that’s all !!!!” he said.
Sure enough, come Monday morning, Constantine showed up to turn himself in.
The police took to Facebook to announce his arrest.
Gotta love Canada. In the U.S, when police post wanted criminals on Facebook, they usually just taunt police until they’re eventually apprehended. They’re always apprehended.
If Facebook would have come around in the mid-90s, you would’ve been burning through free trial discs like Fruit by the Foot. I know I would’ve.
From comedian Brent Weinbach comes this damn-near-perfect parody of those old internet ads β but for a mysterious new product called “The Facebook”.
Simply ship a few photographs to The Facebook, they’ll cover the postage, and an operator will set up your profile!
Here’s what an ad for Facebook would’ve looked like in 1995:
Wondering why this feels so familiar? Well, it’s pretty much a remake of this old AOL commercial, which you’ll probably remember if you’re near 30 or older.
I’ve never tried to give someone a bag of meth in a Kmart, so I’m no expert on the matter. I have to imagine, however, that if I did decide to make that life decision β I’d wear the most literal T-shirt imaginable for the occasion.
50-year-old John Balmer sure did.
According to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office, Balmer was arrested in a Hudson Kmart on Monday after he attempted to hang “a bag of green leafy substance” to the person behind him in line. When the person refused to take the bag, Balmer reportedly laid it down on the ground as he approached the cash register. It was then when deputies approached Balmer, after store employees notified them of the strange activity.
Police found meth and marijuana in the bag.
Why is this news? I mean, it is Florida after all.
Poor social media managers. One minute you’re thinking up cute ways to create brand-appropriate happy holiday messages and the next minute you’re furiously deleting images of little plastic penises.
Play-Doh is in damage control mode on its social media accounts after some parents decided to complain about a particularly phallic toy that apparently traumatized their children and practically ruined Christmas β or something like that.
An “extruder” part for the Play-Doh Sweet Shoppe Cake Mountain Playset appears to be a bit more dil-doh than play-doh, and the internet has taken notice.
Play-doh has been deleting posts to its Facebook page β posts complaining about and containing images of the dick-shaped toy.
Funny thing is, this isn’t a new issue. Hasbro actually began the process of altering the part due to complaints the company received nearly two months ago.
“We have heard some consumer feedback about the extruder tool in the Play-Doh Cake Mountain play set and are in the process of updating all future Play-Doh products with a different tool,” said the company in a statement.
Apparently, the process should’ve been a bit speedier.
