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  • Periscope App Drunk Drive Leads to DUI Arrest for Florida Woman

    Periscope is a wonderful place to broadcast your drunken driving escapades, if you want to get arrested.

    A 23-year old Florida Woman was arrested Saturday after using the Twitter-owned livestreaming app to broadcast herself driving drunk.

    Here’s the full video, as it appeared on Periscope:

    According to police, Periscope users called to report the drunk woman, identified as Whitney Marie Beall.

    “She’s really drunk. She just hit something. She might be driving with a flat tire. She’s in a Toyota,” said one user. If you watch the video, you can see plenty of users telling Beall to pull over and stop what she’s doing.

    At about 26:00, you can see her crash into a road sign.

    Beall reportedly failed a field sobriety test and was arrested and charged with DUI. With this brilliant livestream, proving her guilt shouldn’t be a hard task.

    Here’s the face of regret:

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 1.26.27 PM

    I don’t really know the lesson to be learned here. Just don’t do anything this girl did.

  • Florida Woman Texted “Driving Drunk Woo” Right Before Allegedly T-Boning a Truck and Killing Her Passenger

    A person is dead thanks to the careless actions of a Florida woman, so there’s nothing funny about this story.

    But its sheer stupidity factor makes it important.

    In August of 2013, a 22-year-old woman ran a red light at 4:45 am and plowed her rented smart car into the side of a truck. She survived, the driver of the truck survived, but her 22-year-old passenger did not.

    Prosecutors have just released a series of texts Mila Dago sent just moments before the fatal crash, and they’re, well…

    From the Miami Herald:

    Dago, newly released police records show, was also in the midst of a nasty breakup with her boyfriend. And as she and friends barhopped in Miami in the early hours of Aug. 14, 2013, she fired off a barrage of angry text messages that finally culminated in horrifyingly prophetic words:

    “Driving drunk woo …” “Ill be dead thanks to you …” “Lata”

    Texting while drunk driving – a very good way to ensure you have a terrible remainder of your life.

    Dago has pleaded not guilty to DUI manslaughter, vehicular homicide and two counts of DUI with damage to a person. She’s also named in a civil suit.

    About 20 minutes before the fatal crash, her recently ex-boyfriend texted “What you talking about your physco stop weirdo.” She had reportedly texted him over 60 times throughout the night – the last ones coming while she was behind the wheel.

    Image via

  • Florida Man Shoots Guy for Facebook Messaging His Wife

    It looks like Florida Man needs to get his jealousy in check.

    Florida Man, the world’s worst superhero, is able to change his appearance and identity whenever he sees fit. Florida Man can also alter his gender at any time and become Florida Woman, though it’s a rarer occurrence. This time Florida Man has turned up at 22-year-old Christopher Romoleroux, a repeat criminal offender who is facing second degree murder charges after shooting a guy over Facebook messages.

    According to police, Romoleroux discovered that his wife, Ludwika Duarte, had been exchanging Facebook communications with another man, Clarence Autley. According to Autley, Romoleroux’s wife had contacted him via Facebook – just to catch up. The two had previously known each other but hadn’t been in contact in six years. They exchanged phone numbers and sent some texts.

    It’s unlikely to have mattered to Florida Man, however. According to an affidavit, Romoleroux decided to play the ol’ text switcheroo and asked Autley if he wanted to meet up

    From the Sun Sentinel:

    Assuming the text was from Duarte, Autley replied with his address, the affidavit said. While waiting in his driveway for Duarte to arrive, Autley saw a silver four-door car with tinted windows stopped in the street in front of his house.

    The driver got out of the car, started to punch Autley and yelled, “Why you trying to get with my woman?” The two grappled in the street until Autley’s neighbor intervened.

    The driver walked back to his car, grabbed a small-caliber black handgun, then fired once, striking Autley in his left thigh, the affidavit said. He then drove off in the silver car.

    With the help of Facebook photos, it wasn’t hard for Autley and police to figure out the attacker and his likely motivations.

    Autley suffered a broken femur and various cuts and abrasions.

    Florida Man will be spending some time in jail, and will likely have to pass the face to another.

  • Florida Boy Enters Home, Steals Pop-Tart, Logs into Facebook, Gets Caught

    Apparently, teens couldn’t give less of a damn about Facebook these days. Every week you probably see an article about the troubling decline in Facebook use among teens. It’s Snapchat all the way these days. Facebook is for dad.

    Wrong. Teens love Facebook so much that they can’t even stop themselves from Facebooking in the middle of a burglary.

    CBS Miami reports that a 16-year-old Florida boy, the lesser known sidekick to the omnipresent Florida Man, was arrested and charged with burglary and theft after he went into a home, took some food items, moved a bunch of stuff around, used the family’s electronics, and left.

    Authorities were able to find the kid because he left his Facebook account logged in on an iPad…

    … which was “moved and charged.”

    Which brings me to the fact that there are so many hilarious things about this.

    1. The kid charged the family’s iPad for them. That’s just plain considerate right there.
    2. He did look a porn on it though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    3. Reports do not indicate that the teen stole much of anything, only that he “moved things around.”
    4. But he did take a Pop-Tart and a soda.
    5. According to Local10, the victims said “they never lock their front door” and they “don’t even have a key to it.” Ok, you deserve to have your Pop-Tarts eaten. You don’t deserve to have your iPad graciously charged.
    6. The teen admitted to doing this more than once. We have a serial iPad charger on our hands.

    This has happened before. Not the Pop-Tart part, but the logging into Facebook at the scene of the crime part. That one wasn’t as funny, as it was during an armed robbery.

    Image via Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts, Facebook

  • Florida Men Butt-Dial Employer, Detail Robbery in Voicemail

    In an era of smartphones and passcodes, one would think that the instances of “butt dialing” would decline, if not disappear altogether.

    But this is Florida.

    Two Key West men have been booked on charges of felony grand theft after leaving a voicemail detailing their crime. They didn’t know they were leaving the voicemail, of course, as one of the men had accidentally called his employer.

    From the Miami Herald:

    David Ricky Fanuelsen, 39, and Dean Ellis Brown, 22, are accused of stealing three saws from their employer, Concrete Solutions, at a job site on North Roosevelt Boulevard.

    They got caught after one of them accidentally “butt dialed” the office. The call went to voice mail, which recorded Fanuelsen and Brown discussing how they planned to pawn the tools, Key West Police Department spokeswoman Alyson Crean said.

    It appears this was rather damning evidence, as both men have since confessed to stealing the saws.

    If this story sounds too funny to be true, you should know that this happens all the time. It’s actually impressive how many criminals find a way to butt dial people and detail, at length, their various crimes.

    Like that time a couple of video game thieves butt-dialed 911 and discussed their plans to sell the stolen merchandise for over an hour as the operator listened in. Or the time a Pennsylvania man accidentally called 911 during a drug deal. Then there was that time Florida Man butt-dialed 911 and detailed a murder plot. Oh yeah, and we can’t forget about the modern day Bonnie and Clyde from Roswell, New Mexico, who unwittingly dialed 911 and discussed a just-committed robbery, all while blasting Bon Jovi’s ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’.

    You can’t make this stuff up.

    Image via Martin Abegglen, Flickr Creative Commons

  • Mom Turns in Son After Spotting Him on Police Facebook Page

    This is going to be an awkward Thanksgiving.

    Police in Casselberry, Florida, like many police departments around the country, have taken to Facebook and Twitter over the past few years to get help in solving crimes, locating fugitives, and getting general information out to the public. Over the years, I’ve seen story after story about criminals commenting on their own Facebook wanted posters, taunting the police on Facebook, and more general stupidity.

    But this is a first.

    According to WFTV, an 18-year-old has been arrested and charged with retail theft and shoplifting after his mom saw his photo on the local police department’s Facebook page and turned him in.

    This was the post she saw, which claims that the man on the surveillance video stole approximately $670 worth of PlayStation and Xbox controllers from a local Target.

    Post by Casselberry Police Department.

    From WFTV:

    According to police, a woman contacted them to say she had seen the Facebook post and the young man they were looking for was her son.

    Police said they went to the home of Joel Brown, 18, where they found him wearing the same sweatshirt seen in the surveillance photos. Brown was arrested.

    Even your mom thinks stealing Xbox controllers from Target is a douchey thing to do. I guess it’s just tough love. Really, really tough love.

    Image via Casselberry Police Department, Facebook

  • Florida Man Posts Stolen Nude Photos to Victim’s Mom’s Facebook Page

    Florida Man, the world’s worst superhero, is at it again. This time he’s engaging in some real top-shelf creepster activity, “hacking” Facebook accounts and posting nude photos to his victim’s mom’s wall.

    30-year-old Michael Rubens has been arrested on 31 counts, including hacking and stalking, for a series of attacks that spanned multiple victims.

    The Tallahassee Democrat details Rubens’ exploits, which are lengthy and sordid.

    One woman said the password to her Florida State University email account was hacked five times over a period of five months. The unknown person would then send emails to the woman’s sister and boyfriend asking for “sexy pictures,” court documents said.

    and …

    Authorities tracked down another victim who said her Facebook page was hacked and that the suspect posted a picture of one of her friends performing a sexual act. The detective found evidence that Rubens’ laptop and iPad had logged into the woman’s Facebook account, court documents said.

    But the weirdest of Rubens stunts involved another victim and her mom. Apparently, Rubens obtained a woman’s nude photos from her hacked email account and wound up posting some of them on her mother’s Facebook wall. Police say they found images of his handiwork – the nude images residing on the Facebook page.

    He also sent the victim’s nude photos to her mom’s friends, which he obtained via her email contacts.

    In other news, ‘123456’ is still the most common password.

  • Florida Man Has Drugs, in Case You Were Wondering – the Police Sure Were

    I’ve never tried to give someone a bag of meth in a Kmart, so I’m no expert on the matter. I have to imagine, however, that if I did decide to make that life decision – I’d wear the most literal T-shirt imaginable for the occasion.

    50-year-old John Balmer sure did.

    According to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office, Balmer was arrested in a Hudson Kmart on Monday after he attempted to hang “a bag of green leafy substance” to the person behind him in line. When the person refused to take the bag, Balmer reportedly laid it down on the ground as he approached the cash register. It was then when deputies approached Balmer, after store employees notified them of the strange activity.

    Police found meth and marijuana in the bag.

    Why is this news? I mean, it is Florida after all.

    Well, here ya go:

    Post by Pasco Sheriff's Office.

    Seriously, he had drugs.

  • Florida Man Phuc Kieu Charged in Attempted Rape, Robbery

    A Florida man, legal name Phuc Kieu, has been charged with robbery, kidnapping, and sexual battery after attempting to rape another man in a Gainesville parking lot.

    58-year-old Phuc X. Kieu allegedly waited for the victim to finish making a withdrawal from an ATM before attacking him and dragging him into his car – where Kieu had been busy watching porn.

    If you’ve taken the time to carefully repeat the accused name out loud and think this is totally fake here’s what the official police report has to say:

    On the above date and time the victim conducted a withdrawal from the walk-up ATM and when done walked north through the bank parking lot. The defendant parked his vehicle, laid the driver’s seat all the way back and proceeded to watch homosexual pornography on a portable DVD player. As the victim passed the driver’s side of the vehicle, the defendant exited, grabbed the victim, punched him in the mouth and grabbed the bag containing the money …

    The defendant then pulled the victim into the driver’s side seat, straddled the top of him, and began to pull of his shirt, belt, and pants.

    The victim was eventually able to fight off Kieu, who chased him through the parking lot. Back to the report:

    The defendant then grabbed the backpack of the victim, attempting to pull it off … The victim the ran across the street to a nearby shopping center yelling “rapist”.

    The arresting officer says he observed Kieu running across the parking lot and detained him.

    Kieu

    According to WESH Orlando, Kieu is a nail specialist.

  • Florida Man Charged with Beating Autistic Kid at Party After Video Winds Up on Facebook

    An 18-year-old Okeechobee Florida resident has been arrested and charged with child abuse “without bodily harm” after police identified him in a disturbing video posted on his Facebook page.

    Andrew Wheeler can be seen repeatedly punching, kneeing, and dragging an unnamed 16-year-old boy in the midst of what appears to be a house party. According to police, the video was tagged with Wheeler’s name and when they watched it, they were able to identify him as the attacker. The victim in the video is reported to have autism.

    Be warned, the video is hard to watch.

    WPTV in West Palm beach has some more details about what happened that night.

    The victim told detectives he was invited to a party on SW 9th Street in Okeechobee last Friday where he drank alcohol and was then told to go outside and fight someone.

    The teen said when he refused 18-year-old Andrew Wheeler was called.

    After Wheeler arrived, the victim says Andrew began beating the teen. In the incident report he claims Wheeler followed him outside, choked him until he lost consciousness and struck him in the face.

    The boy was found in the middle of the road and taken to a local hospital. He apparently suffered a concussion, multiple contusions, and a sprained neck.

    Though admitting to police that he “lost control of his temper,” Wheeler maintains that he was called to the house to make a drunk guy leave. He claims that he was told the boy was assaulting others, and that he even tried to take a swipe at Wheeler when he was told to leave.

    Kids – don’t beat the shit out of helpless people. Don’t record each other beating the shit out of people. And for the love of all that is sane, don’t post videos of you beating the shit out of people on Facebook.

    You know what, let’s just stick with don’t beat the shit out of helpless people. Police might want to reconsider the “without bodily harm” designation after they watch the video a few more times.

    Image via YouTube screenshot

  • Florida Man Points Gun at Cat’s Face, Posts Pic to Facebook

    Florida Man, the world’s worst superhero, is at it again! What kind of lovable hijinks is he getting into this time? Is he trying to “drive off” his drunk? Is he sending bomb threats to high schools via Facebook message?

    Oh. He’s putting a gun to a cat’s head? Oh damn, Florida Man. That’s weird. Don’t do that.

    We take you to Charlotte County, Florida, where NBC-2 reports that authorities have been dispatched to check the welfare of animals belonging to one Thomas Mcguinness.

    The Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office and Animal Control division were alerted to a photo posted on Mcguinness’ Facebook page – a rather unsettling image of Mcguinness holding a small cat by the scruff of its neck in one hand, and pointing a pistol at its face with the other.

    Presumably, some hubbub ensued on the (now-removed) post. Soon after posting the photo, he posted this:

    Post by Thomas Mcguinness.

    Awesome ‘joke’ bro. Two guns up!

    Mcguinness has stated that his animals are fine.

    While clearly a ‘joke’, officials say that animal services are going to check everything out – but Mcguinness can’t be cited for animal cruelty if he hasn’t actually harmed any animals. Unfortunately, there’s no law against being a Facebook dumbass.

    Image via NBC-2

  • Mako Shark Landed in Gulf May Break Record

    Ernie Polk and his cousin Joey Polk landed a shortfin Mako shark off the Floridian Gulf Coast while surfcasting Tuesday, and the fish might be a world record catch. The two spent over an an hour reeling in the 11-foot-long, 805 pound beast directly onto shore, and didn’t disclose the exact location to ward off other fishermen.

    Ernie Polk commented to the The Pensacola News Journal, “That’s probably the best fish we ever caught.” The cousins already hold a combined three world records from the International Land-Based Shark Fishing Association. Ernie Polk captured his first shortfin Mako world record in 2009, reeling in a fish that weighed 674 pounds, at just over 11 feet long. In 2010, Polk landed a 10-foot-9-inch tiger shark that weighed in at 928 pounds, only to have his record beaten the following month by cousin Joey, who caught a 12-foot-9-inch tiger shark weighing 949 pounds.

    The shortfin Mako shark, or Isurus oxyrinchus, which means”sharp nose,” is the fastest of all sharks, and can swim at a sustained 25 miles per hour. They are also high jumpers, sometimes leaping up to 30 feet out of the water, making them highly sought after as game fish. Mako sharks are also prized for their meat, which is commonplace in supermarkets in the northeastern United States. The present world record of an offshore catch of a Mako is an 11-foot-long, 1,323 pound specimen caught off of Huntington Beach, California.

    Here is a clip concerning the record catch:

    The Polks typically release the sharks they catch, but in the case of the Mako, the fight to reel it in had left it too exhausted to swim back out to sea. The Florida cousins loaded the fish into the back of a pickup, and drove it home.

    After clearing some legal paperwork, they plan to sell the meat at market. Ernie commented, “It’s a $10-per-pound fish at the fish market. It’ll sell right along with tuna and swordfish. Between all of us, there won’t be a bit wasted.”

    Image via Wikimedia Commons

  • Apparently, in Florida, You Can ‘Drive Off’ Your Drunk

    If you’re super messed up and being an annoying asshole, your wife might tell you to go “sleep it off.” That’ll work, given enough time.

    You might think you can go “walk it off” or perhaps “Waffle House it off.” Neither of these will help, but they probably won’t hurt either–unless you walk into oncoming traffic or go overboard with the smothering and covering.

    Now here’s something that’s not only useless but also dangerous and stupid. For this, we go to Florida (of course).

    A Florida man–you know, the world’s worst superhero–was arrested on suspicious of driving under the influence after telling a police officer than he was in the process of driving off his super drunk.

    Michael Moore (not that Michael Moore), 61, was pulled over in Hobe Sound, Florida for speeding. Officers noticed a smell of alcohol and stated that Moore was slurring his words.

    I’ll let the TCPalm’s Will Greenlee take it from here:

    He told one officer he was coming from home and had “a couple” of drinks. He said he was en route to a bar for “a few” more.

    Moore told another officer he got in an argument with his wife and left for a drive.

    “He also told me that his wife told him that he (had) been drinking too much so he decided to go out and ‘drive it off,’” an arrest affidavit states.

    That’s a new one.

    Florida man strikes again.

    Image via Thinkstock

  • Florida Kid Sent a Bomb Threat to His School via Facebook Message

    Florida man kid strikes again!

    The first rule of anonymous bomb threats is that they are anonymous. Interestingly enough, that’s also the first word in “anonymous bomb threats.”

    Most Americans who have gone through the public schools system are quite familiar with the school bomb threat. We’ve all had to evacuate the building, line up outside at a rather unsafe distance (depending on the size of the possible bomb), and watch the fire department sweep the building. Most of the time, school officials never really figure out who called it in. It’s most always just a prank. Stupid kids, right?

    Well, for one Winter Haven, Florida school, the search was quick and easy.

    From WTSP:

    A 14-year-old middle school student on leave was arrested Monday for sending a bomb threat in a Facebook message to his school.

    Winter Haven Police say the Denison Middle School student sent the private message via mobile device saying, “I’m gonna bomb this school,” to the school’s official Facebook page on Jan. 24 and it was picked up by school administrators.

    Cool, bro. Direct and to the point.

    Apparently the kid also chased a classmate around with a kitchen knife and told him he’d be coming back for him the next day. Our little troublemaker was taken to juvie and charged with aggravated assault with deadly weapon and threatening to discharge a destructive device.

    “Any inappropriate posts or comments will be deleted and the user will be banned. If unsure about a comment, it is probably best not to post it,” says a disclaimer on Denison’s Facebook page. In order to clarify, I guess the school should have also discussed bomb threat direct messages. I know, but you gotta spell everything out these days.

    Our future is bright, you guys.

    Image via Denison Middle School, Facebook

  • Florida Exorcism Goes Awry Between Man and 80-Year Old Girlfriend

    A Florida man who had a little too much to drink and then tried to exorcise the demons from his 80-year old girlfriend was arrested on Tuesday after the woman managed to call police.

    On Monday, 54-year old David Edward Benes allegedly held down the woman to keep her from leaving after the couple had a fight, took the battery from her cell phone, hid her car keys and dismantled the garage door mechanism to keep it from opening so she couldn’t escape. The “exorcism” went on for hours, into the next day. At some point, Benes imbibed even more and his girlfriend was able to somehow call police, who found her sitting on the porch, crying and covered in bruises and scratches. Benes, meanwhile, said he was too drunk to remember what happened but said his girlfriend had started the fight because she was “crazy”.

    Benes was arrested on charges of battery and false imprisonment and is still in lockup. He has two prior convictions for battery on his record and is being detained without bail.

  • Road Rage: Orlando Police Looking For Murderer

    Road rage is a scary thing; with one wrong move, a driver can invoke the wrath of anyone who happens to be in a bad mood. Sometimes, it turns deadly.

    An Orlando man who was driving through Tampa called police after he said a man followed him out of a store, chased him in his car, then pulled alongside him and flashed a gun. Fred William Turner Jr. said he didn’t know why the man was following him and claimed he’d done nothing to provoke him; however, as he was on the phone with 911, he was shot several times. Turner was found dead on the scene, and police are now looking for a gray Ford Taurus with tinted windows; anyone with information is urged to contact local authorities.

    Severe road rage incidents are, unfortunately, becoming more and more the norm. In June of last year, a 50-year old California man got into a dispute with three other men outside their cars in downtown L.A. Soon, words turned to fists, and after it became two against one, the 50-year old was pulled to the ground and beaten viciously.

    “As I remember it, I’m trying to get away, they followed me. It got to a point where they blocked me on the freeway. I couldn’t back up, couldn’t move forward,” Jerry Patterson said. “The guy got out of the car, and so I got out with him. I wasn’t going to let him walk up on me, and I just defended myself to the best of my ability. I grew up in the day where you fought, and you were friends the next day. Now people will shoot you, or they’ll kill you or they kick you when you’re down. No respect for human life.”

  • Dog Shoots Owner, Who Was Shocked Gun Was Loaded

    It may sound like an Onion headline, but judging by all reports, this one is true: a Florida man was astonished when his dog accidentally shot him in the leg as he was driving around.

    Gregory Dale Lanier says the gun was on the floorboard of his truck and the dog kicked it, discharging the weapon and firing a bullet into Lanier’s leg. He says he thought the gun was unloaded.

  • Meet Florida Man, World’s Worst Superhero and Best New Parody Twitter Account

    Today’s winner for parody Twitter account you need to be following comes to you from Everywhere, Florida. It’s Florida Man, which features “real-life headlines about the world’s worst superhero.”

    The account tweets out any and all headlines that involve a “florida man” doing something. For instance, “Ketchup-covered Florida Man arrested for yelling profanities at tourists” or “Florida Man arrested with sex toy in rectum.”

    For some reason, men in Florida tend to make the news for doing some of the most ridiculous things. And this account perfectly demonstrates that by simply tweeting out news stories involving any man in Florida doing something insane.

    Simply beautiful.

    Here, take a look at some of Florida Man’s exploits:

    Remember, these are all links to real stories (mostly from local Florida news outlets). The tweets read like stories from The Onion, but they all really happened. And that’s the beauty of Florida Man. He’s everywhere, doing hilariously stupid things at all times. He’s the hero Florida deserves. He’s Florida Man.