WebProNews

Tag: dumb things

  • Jennifer Connell: Woman Who Sued Nephew over Hug Loses Case

    If you think your Aunt is a terror, wait until you hear about this one.

    A New York woman has lost her case against her 12-year-old nephew, whom she sued for negligence in a incident that caused her to break her wrist.

    Jennifer Connell claimed that her kin, Sean Tarala, was liable for breaking her wrist when he jumped into her arms at his own birthday party four years ago. The leap allegedly caused Connell to fall to the ground, injuring herself. Apparently, his excitement was negligent.

    She called it a “forceful greeting” in the lawsuit.

    Connell sued her nephew for $127,000. According to the Connecticut Post, she described her nephew as “very loving, sensitive.”

    So much so that she felt compelled to sue him.

    “We do not take great pleasure in bringing a minor to court,” said Connell’s lawyer. “She is not here enjoying a moment of this. But Sean should have known better. We have rules for children. He was not careful. He was unsafe.”

    But in news that should shock literally nobody, Jennifer Connell has lost her suit.

    According to the NY Daily News, it took a jury just 25 minutes to reach a decision.

    Sean was not present when the decision was read.

    The hashtag #AuntFromHell was briefly trending on Twitter.

  • This Gun iPhone Case Is the Perfect Accessory for Getting Shot

    I’m not saying that anyone deserves to be shot by the police, because they don’t – but if you’re walking around with an iPhone case that looks like a gun sticking out of your pocket, you deserve to be shot by the police more than I do.

    In yes, we’re all about to celebrate America for a weekend buy why news, police across the country are suddenly warning people about the dangers of putting your iPhone in a case that strongly resembles a real gun.

    “Please folks – this cell phone case is not a cool product or a good idea. A police officers job is hard enough, without having to make a split second decision in the dark of night when someone decides without thinking to pull this out while stopped for a motor vehicle violation. What do you think?” wrote the Ocean County, New Jersey Prosecutor’s Office on Facebook.

    A spokesman for the office said he found the photo on a “closed social media site for cops,” according to CNN.

    It’s unclear who manufactures the case, but it’s available to purchase on Amazon and eBay right now.

    On Amazon, people are writing negative reviews urging Amazon to pull the product.

    “Dear Amazon: I highly recommend that you remove this product from your website right now! Your corporate attorneys will thank you, as will the law enforcement officers who might otherwise be put into a tragic and unnecessary lethal force situation!” says one reviewer.

    “Amazon…this is highly offensive and dangerous! Some idiot will buy this and end up getting killed by police. Come on – do NOT SELL this crap,” says another.

    Just think about things before you buy them. Just for a second. Ok?

  • Drunken iPhone/Android Debate Leads to Stabbing

    In wait, so you’re telling me it didn’t happen in Florida? news, two men wound up bloody after a fight over smartphone supremacy turned violent.

    I know you probably regret your argument with Mark last weekend. I mean, you guys were both a little drunk and it was a dumb thing to argue about. And though you probably feel guilty, it’s important to know that your fight could have been exponentially dumber.

    Take the two Tulsa, Oklahoma men who police say let an argument about iPhone and Android get a little too stabby.

    From Tulsa’s KTUL:

    Tulsa police say a woman found a man covered in blood, stumbling around the parking lot of the Evergreen Apartments around 1 a.m.

    When police arrived at the apartment complex, they learned that the roommates had been drinking and arguing over their mobile phones.

    Police say the two men broke beer bottles and stabbed each other with them. One of the men smashed a bottle over the back of the other man’s head.

    Police are unsure why an Android user would even bother trying to argue with an iPhone user, and are also unclear whether or not Steve Jobs would’ve been incredibly disappointed by the iPhone user’s actions.

    According to KJRH, no arrests were made. I guess being stabbed during an argument about $500 porn and Facebook machines is punishment enough.

    Image via Thinkstock

  • Florida Sheriff Charging Teen with ‘Hacking’: Change the Law If You’re Mad

    Sheriff Chris Nocco of the Pasco County, Florida, Sheriff’s office isn’t all that concerned that his department is being mocked across the country.

    Last week, we told you about the department’s decision to charge a 14-year-old hacker mastermind with a felony after he infiltrated his school’s network and put hundreds of lives in danger.

    And what I mean by that is he figured out the password by looking over a teacher’s shoulder, logged in, and set some softcore porn as a teacher’s desktop background.

    More context from our previous coverage:

    Hacker extraordinaire Domanik Green, 14, has been charged with offense against a computer system and unauthorized access after he “logged onto the school’s network on March 31 using an administrative-level password without permission. He then changed the background image on a teacher’s computer to one showing two men kissing.

    The sophisticated hack that allowed Green access to the impregnable system involved looking over a teacher’s shoulder and watching her type the password. It turned out to be the last name of a teacher at the school. Edward Snowden weeps.

    One of the main points of contention for authorities is that one of the computers Green ‘hacked’ contained FCAT questions on it. Green didn’t access or alter these files, however.

    “Even though some might say this is just a teenage prank, who knows what this teenager might have done,” Pasco County Sheriff Chris Nocco said.

    Thoughtcrimes leader and amateur future teller Chris Nocco is standing by his decision, despite ridicule from all corners of the internet.

    From the Tampa Bay Times:

    Nocco is sticking to his guns. Green was suspended from school for three days for similar activity back in October, and the sheriff said it was obvious he hadn’t learned his lesson.

    “I think, unfortunately, when the story’s being told in other (publications), they’re not talking about the fact that he committed this crime previously,” Nocco said Monday. “We enforce the law. And if we don’t enforce the law, nobody else will.”

    Also, he said, the crime with which Green is charged is deemed a felony by the state Legislature. If people want to change it, they can write lawmakers, he said.

    Write your congressperson, folks. Nothing we can do about it now. Change the law if you’re mad.

    People are mad, for sure. Here’s a sampling of posts currently sitting on the Pasco County Sheriff’s Facebook page:

    – Felony charges because of what a 14 year old kid ‘might have done?’ Since when do we charge people based on the seriousness of crimes they ‘might’ commit. Your county sucks.

    – What has become of our society when felony charges are given for a harmless prank? We don’t live in the realm of “what if”. “who knows what this teenager MIGHT have done” -Sheriff Chris Nocco. I sincerely hope that this gets laughed out of court.

    – Missing children. Unsolved murders. And yet, you guys are arresting a kid for being a kid. Pigs

    – This is why even us law abiding Americans hates the police.. You people should really be ashamed of yourselves.. I mean, how do you sleep at night? Oh.. come to think of it… I’ll bet you sleep quite well.

    – I think it’s hilarious how you can charge a 8th grader with a felony and quite possibly ruin his life over a prank. When your own jackholes can just resign when they commit felonies. The double standards you have created in this country does not go over looked. You expect the public to show you respect and to trust you when you do the exact opposite. History will remember a ti.e in this country when our law enforcement were corrupt and could not be trusted. Shame on you.

    – This kid is 14 and the sheriff wants him to have a felony conviction on his record for the rest of his life. Despicable.

    – I’m embarrassed for you Chris.

    It’s probably unlikely the kid will see the inside of a courtroom – but the complications from this, and the legal bills likely to be incurred by his family – will not be inconsequential.

    Image via Pasco Sheriff’s Office, Facebook

  • Selfie Seekers Caught Carving Initials into the Colosseum

    What would you do for the perfect selfie? Would you deface a landmark – one of the most famous historical locations in the world?

    Two Californian women did.

    The Guardian reports that security at Rome’s Colosseum caught the women, aged 21 and 25, shortly after carving their initials into the ancient rock. The two were apparently able to scratch a “J” and an “N”, each a few inches tall, and then snap a selfie before police caught on.

    The authorities were tipped off by other tourists.

    The two women could face penalties for defacing the site, as it is strictly forbidden.

    “There’s a difference in perception. Museums are treated like churches, sacred places where there are things of great value. Whereas the Colosseum is an incomplete building which has already been robbed,” a spokesman with the Special Superintendency for the Archaeological Heritage of Rome told The Guardian.

    It’s just some old, crumbling rock, right? What’s the big deal?

    According to The Daily Dot, the section the tourists carved up is part of a 19th-century papal restoration project. The specific part of the Colosseum, however, was first constructed in 80 AD.

    Remember kids, try not to go full vandal for the sake of a selfie.

  • Montana Yoga Pants Ban Bill Was Literally Laughed Out of the Room

    Earlier this week, we told you about Montana State rep David Moore, a Republican with a mission.

    Moore sponsored House Bill 365, which made headlines as the bill that wanted to ban yoga pants. And speedos. And tight, beige tank tops, really.

    Well, it brings me great pleasure to report that the bill is dead. Not only dead, but it was literally laughed out of committee.

    From the Billings Gazette

    Members of the House Judiciary Committee voted unanimously to table House Bill 365, which Rep. David Moore introduced Tuesday…

    Although members of the committee giggled about the bill, no discussion was allowed before a voice vote to table it.

    Moore’s bill attempted to strengthen the state’s indecent exposure laws to include the showing of the mere outline of a butt, nipple, penis – whatever, you name it. Moore not only added more instances of what counts as “indecent exposure”, but he also took out the part of the current law where the indecent exposer had to have intent to abuse, harass, or gratify themselves.

    Apparently, Moore got the idea for the bill after he saw some wieners at a “Bare as you Dare” naked biking event last summer.

    “Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway,” Moore said after a recent hearing.

    And the AP reported that “Moore says he believes yoga pants and men’s Speedo-style swim briefs should be illegal in public.” So there’s you yoga pants ban outrage.

    This bill not only deserved to be tabled, but it deserved to be giggled about and then tabled. We applaud the committee.

    Image via Lululemon, Wikimedia Commons

  • This Lawmaker Wants to Ban Yoga Pants and Speedos

    Meet David “Doc” Moore, a Republican legislator from Missoula, Montana.

    David Moore would like you to please refrain from wearing any sort of form-fitting clothing in public, thank you very much.

    Moore has sponsored a bill, House Bill 365, that would strengthen the state’s indecent exposure laws to include the mere outline of someone’s butt, let’s say, Or their nipple, or “anus region”.

    Here’s what Montana’s law currently says:

    …a person commits the offense of indecent exposure if the person knowingly or purposely exposes the person’s genitals under circumstances in which the person knows the conduct is likely to cause affront or alarm in order to: (a) abuse, humiliate, harass, or degrade another; or (b) arouse or gratify the person’s own sexual response or desire or the sexual response or desire of any person

    Moore would like it to state:

    …a person commits the offense of indecent exposure if the person knowingly or purposely exposes the person’s genitals, pubic hair, or anus or exposes the areola or nipple of the person’s breast with anything less than a fully opaque covering while in a public place or visible from a public place without taking reasonable precautions to prevent exposure, and disregards whether a reasonable person would be offended or alarmed by the act; or (b) exposes any device, costume, or covering that gives the appearance of or simulates the genitals, pubic hair, anus region, or pubic hair region or exposes any device worn as a cover over the nipple or areola of the female breast that simulates and gives the realistic appearance of a nipple or areola while in a public place or visible from a public place without taking reasonable precautions to prevent exposure, and disregards whether a reasonable person would be offended or alarmed by the act.

    If you look closely, you can see that Moore not only added more instances of what counts as “indecent exposure” (coverings that give appearance of or simulates), but he also took out the part where the indecent exposer had to have intent to abuse, harass, or gratify themselves.

    In order to make it more palatable, David Moore proposes to lessen the maximum, third offense penalty from its current insanity of life in prison and $10,000 to no more than five years and $5,000. That’s a nice thought, but it doesn’t really make up for …

    “Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway,” Moore said after a recent hearing.

    and …

    From the AP:

    The Republican from Missoula says tight-fitting beige clothing could be considered indecent exposure under his proposal. He says he wouldn’t have a problem with people being arrested for wearing provocative clothing but that he’d trust law enforcement officials to use their discretion.

    Moore says he believes yoga pants and men’s Speedo-style swim briefs should be illegal in public.

    That’s pretty wack, man.

    Apparently, Moore got the idea for the bill after he saw some wieners at a “Bare as you Dare” naked biking event last summer.

    This is not a good bill. It should be taken out behind the courthouse and shot. We should make David Moore do it. It’ll can be his Old Yeller moment.

    The author thanks the committee for its time.

    Image via Ballotpedia

  • Turkey Pardoning Is Still a Thing, and You Can Vote on Twitter

    America’s weirdest tradition is once again playing out on social media today, as the White House has enlisted the Twitterverse to help it decide which turkey to pardon this year at the annual holy shit we’re still pardoning turkeys event.

    This year we have 47-pound ‘Mac’ going up against 49-pound ‘Cheese’. You might think that Cheese would have the advantage, given he’s a bit heftier. But you should know that Mac apparently has a “rhythmic, melodious gobble”. Also, it’s not really a competition. Also this is dumb.

    Using Twitter’s voting cards, the White House is allowing people to vote for which turkey Obama will pardon and which he’ll send to be ground into burgers.

    The whole pardoning a turkey thing started in 1989 when then-President George H.W. Bush decided it would be a good idea. The White House got social media involved in 2012, asking Facebook users to help decide the turkeys’ fate.

    Recent controversy has forced the White House to issue this disclaimer:

    Note: It’s all gravy, no turkeys will be harmed during the selection of the National Thanksgiving Turkey. After the pardoning, both turkeys will travel to their permanent home at Morven Park’s Turkey Hill, the historic turkey farm located at the home of former Virginia Governor Westmorland Davis in Leesburg, Virginia.

    Of course, organizations like PETA aren’t happy with that explanation and have claimed that the whole spectacle “makes light of the mass slaughter of some 46 million gentle, intelligent birds and portrays the United States’ president as being in some sort of business partnership with the turkey-killing industry.”

    I mean, ok. Sure. That’s a bit extreme. It is America’s stupidest tradition, however, and that’s saying a lot when you consider that we force our citizens to endure a Detroit Lions game every Thanksgiving.

  • Facebook Monthly Fee Hoax Resurfaces, Is Still Incredibly Stupid

    “Facebook is a free site and will never require that you pay to continue using the site.”

    You may not trust Facebook all of the time, but you should trust them on this. Facebook’s business model does not and will not include charging a subscription fee to use the service. It’s not going to happen.

    Every few months, a hoax as old as time itself pops up and makes the rounds, however. The hoax always says that Facebook is preparing to start charging users to continue to use the service, and the only way to stop the wheels from turning is to post a status update or share some bullshit image. Oftentimes these types of hoaxes are part of something sinister – a malware or phishing scam.

    That’s not the case this time. The newest Facebook Fee hoax can be sourced to an “article” on the “satirical” site National Report. The article stated that starting November 1st, Facebook would begin charging $2.99 per month to use the service. It told people to post a status claiming “I AM POOR FACEBOOK PLEASE WAIVE MY MONTHLY FEE” if they wanted to keep using the site for free.

    And…

    People obliged.

    Post by Jimmy Salas.

    That’s one of a lot.

    Facebook is never going to charge a fee. There’s no such thing as Facebook Gold. Facebook isn’t shutting down because it’s overpopulated. There’s no such thing as a Facebook drug task force.

    Please stop sharing dumb articles.

    Image via Wikimedia Commons

  • iPhone 6 Plus Going for Embarrassing Amount of Money on eBay

    No.

    Nope.

    Naaaaaaah.

    I know there’s no iPhone 6 Plus stock left and the phone is so cool that even dead people are singing its praises.

    But no. Just wait a couple weeks. Read a book. Go fly a kite. Take LSD. Do literally anything other than pay $5,000 for a new iPhone.

  • Douchebags Are Using Pics of Their Bank Accounts for Their Tinder Profiles

    With the trend of posing with tigers for your profile pic on the decline, Tinderbros are looking for other ways to impress the ladies. And since a dick pic is only going to work with a small, possibly non-existent subset of the population, some date seekers are apparently turning to the next best thing – dickish pics.

    Yes, if you post a photo of your bank account as your profile pic on Tinder, that’s a dickish thing to do.

    The Washington Post reports on the “hot” new trend, saying it’s not just bank accounts but resumes as well.

    Check this out:

    Just swipe left, girls. For the love of humanity.

  • Facebook ‘Tests’ Post Search Feature It Promised Almost a Year Ago

    The slowest rollout in the history of social media continues today, as Facebook is reportedly letting some mobile users search for old posts via keyword.

    According to a statement provided to Bloomberg, Facebook says this is “an improvement to search on mobile.”

    It’s also an improvement that Facebook promised months and months ago.

    In January of 2013, Facebook unveiled Graph Search on desktop. The product, which allows users to search for stuff like “photos of Jack Smith” and “place in San Francisco that Jack Smith likes”, was put on a slow rollout schedule – like many other Facebook products before it.

    Slow turned out to be a bit of an understatement, as Facebook didn’t finish its rollout of Graph Search to US users until August of that year. And that was just desktop Graph Search. Mobile Graph Search was said to be “coming soon.”

    Flash forward to September of 2013, a month and a half after Graph Search hit all US users. At the time, Graph Search was limited to certain types of searches – things people “liked,” photos, and other basic profile information including location, work info, etc. Facebook promised back when Graph Search was first unveiled that post search would come, eventually (the ability to search past status updates, check-ins, photo captions, etc). And on September 30th, 2013, Facebook said that was now an option.

    “Starting today, Graph Search will include posts and status updates. Now you will be able to search for status updates, photo captions, check-ins and comments to find things shared with you,” said Facebook.

    Of course, there was also this part:

    “This is rolling out slowly to a small group of people who currently have Graph Search…”

    Once again, slow was an understatement.

    I took that screencap today.

    So, it’s interesting that Facebook is currently “testing” this post search, on mobile, when Graph Search isn’t even available on mobile yet.

    Well, save a select few.

    Mark Zuckerberg last mentioned Graph Search for mobile this past January, when he said it would be “coming soon.”

    Image via Facebook

  • ‘Facebook Drug Task Force’ Hoax Shows Desperate Need for More Satire Tags

    Last week, Facebook began reminding idiots that The Onion, as well as articles from other “satirical” sources, were in fact satire. And like a beaming white patronus in the forest of idiocy, thousands of clueless souls stepped up to provide an immediate example of why Facebook is doing this.

    Despite what your stoner nephew may have posted this week, Facebook is not operating its own drug task force and the non existent thing that will never exist has not made any arrests.

    Shared hundreds of thousands of times on the social network, an article from The National Report entitled ‘Facebook Drug Task Force to Begin Monitoring All Messages October 1st’ struck fear in the hearts of people who frequently discuss drugs on Facebook.

    National Report is a website specializing in writing things that aren’t true. It’s satire. Whatever.

    Supposed quotes from a DEA spokesman like “The marijuana junkies think they can socialize on the line with their fellow druggies, well, not on my watch – We’re gonna read their messages, we’re gonna build cases against them, and we’re gonna put em’ all in prison, it’s going to be beautiful…”

    …and mentions of Menlo Park’s “first corporately held jail cell” failed to tip off thousands of people that the article they were reading maybe, just maybe, wasn’t entirely on the level.

    And so a panic of sorts ensued.

    To be fair to @ZEEN_BALL, they’re not wrong about that access to mic and camera part.

    Facebook doesn’t care what you’re talking about, unless they can sell you something. Still, just to be safe, I wouldn’t make a habit of carrying out your drug deals on Facebook

    Image via Jimmy Kimmel Live, YouTube

  • Bill Gates Is Better Than Most at Dumping Ice Water on Himself

    The Ice Bucket Challenge has hit the tech world. In the past few days, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, Twitter CEO Dick Costolo, Apple CEO Tim Cook, and Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg have all dumped buckets of ice water on their heads. The latter challenged Bill Gates (you can’t complete the challenge without challenging three others) to dump a bucket of ice water on his head.

    And look, Bill Gates dumped ice water on himself!

    It’s a crazy contraption! Oh, Bill!

    What do you think about all these million and billionaires dumping ice water on their heads? Isn’t is zany? Have you dumped ice water on your head? Was it cold? I bet it was.

    Image via The Gates Notes, YouTube screenshot