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Tag: death star

  • Another Star Wars Petition Hits White House Site, This Time Calling for National R2-D2 Day

    Over the half year or so that the White House has been operating their We The People online petition site, we’ve seen that it can be used in a variety of ways.

    There are the ridiculous petitions – the ones that have absolutely no basis in reality but I’m sure some people think they do. This would include the ones designed to have the Obama administration deport talk show hosts and let states secede because they’re unhappy about election results.

    Then there are the meaningful petitions that deserve White House responses. This would include recent petitions like the one asking the Obama Administration to make cellphone unlocking legal or this anti-CISPA one.

    Then, of course, there are the Stars Wars-related petitions. For a cultural phenomenon as powerful as Star Wars, it’s actually hard to believe that there aren’t more like this. You may remember the people’s attempt to get the U.S. government to build a fully functioning Death Star. It actually succeed, crossing the signature threshold and forcing an official White House response. But alas, the White House said that they do not support blowing up planets.

    Today’s Star Wars-related governmental petition is a little more reasonable. It asks the Obama administration to “Create a national R2-D2 Day whose motto is ‘selfless not selfish’ and commemorates under appreciated heroes.”

    Cute.

    Here’s what creator S.M. from Alexandria, Virginia, has to say.

    In the iconic Star Wars saga, R2-D2 always seems to save the day, getting his Jedi masters and the forces of the Republic out of harm’s way, and doing so with grace and humor. But the astromech droid never gets the full credit or honors he deserves for his deeds.

    In that sense, R2 is a stand-in for all of the under appreciated and unheralded heroes in our everyday lives — in our workplaces, schools and communities.

    We should all join together on a national holiday to pay homage to those who, like R2, live by the “selfless, not selfish” creed.

    America sure does have some under-appreciated heroes. Sounds like a good idea to me.

  • Death Star Kickstarter Project Sees 500+ Pledges in Less Than Two Days

    If the government refuses to help us defend against impending threats, the people have no choice but to take up the project themselves. And since the White House has officially thrown water on the people’s demands to build our very own Death Star, it means that we have to turn to crowdfunding.

    Over 500 people have pledged over £70,000 to help kickstart the construction of a functioning Death Star on Kickstarter. I’m sure you caught the “£” – that’s because the Kickstarter project was actually started out of Leicestershire, United Kingdom. Kickstarter only went live for U.K.-based projects back in October, 2012.

    Last month, a petition to start building a Death Star on the White House’s “We The People” site garnered enough signatures to force an official response from the government. The carefully-worded response suggested that “the Administration does not support blowing up planets,” and that the project would be economically unfeasible anyway.

    Some estimates have given such a project an $850,000,000,000,000,000 (£543,000,000,000,000,00) price tag, but the new Kickstarter project is only asking for £20 million at this point, in order to develop “more detailed plans and enough chicken wire to protect reactor exhaust ports.”

    The project creators, gnut.co.uk, acknowledge that it’s all a joke and that the goal is set high to ensure it is never actually fulfilled:

    “The main challenge is assuring Kickstarter that this is a joke and not a serious project. As proof, the goal has been set high enough to make successful funding almost impossible.”

    That’s probably why 500+ backers over the past 48 hours have felt safe in making pledges.

    Still, you have until April 1st (fittingly) to make your pledge and help reach the £20,000,000 goal. Wouldn’t that be hilarious, if this thing was actually funded?

  • Galactic Empire Responds to White House Petition Response Re: Death Star

    Earlier this week, the White House dashed the dreams of over 34,000 American citizens as they officially refused a petition to start production on the country’s very own functioning Death Star. Bummer, right?

    In their statement, the White House cited a few reasons why they won’t be building the Death Star. First, it’s just too damn expensive – $850,000,000,000,000,000, by some estimates. Also, the administration apparently doesn’t support blowing up planets.

    Well, the Galactic Empire isn’t buying it. In a response letter, they (someone at Starwars.com) quote Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories and Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet in citing the White House’s “cowardice” and the “overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire.”

    Good stuff.

    Here’s the letter in its entirety, via StarWars.com:

    IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT – The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. “It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,“ said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”

    Representatives on behalf of the nation-state leader from the unimaginatively named planet refused to acknowledge the obvious cowardice of their choice, preferring instead to attribute the decision to fiscal responsibility. “The costs of construction they cited were ridiculously overestimated, though I suppose we must keep in mind that this miniscule planet does not have our massive means of production,” added Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet.

    Emissaries of the Emperor also caution any seditious elements within the Galactic Senate not to believe Earth’s exaggerated claims of there being a weakness in the Death Star design. “Any attacks made upon such a station — should one ever be built — would be a useless gesture,” added Motti.

    Your move, White House.

    [h/t Business Insider]

  • White House Now Requires 100K Signatures for Petition Response, Will Hopefully Weed Out Wacky Secessionists

    About a month ago, I said that the White House’s “We The People” online petition site was “ensuring its legacy as a total joke.” I know, that’s pretty harsh. But at the time, it really looked like the experiment in active citizenship was going to burn out. When I made that statement, the site had a whopping 48 petitions that were sitting, unanswered by the White House.

    That’s not 48 total petitions. That was 48 petitions that had crossed the 25,000 signature threshold, meaning that by rule they warranted an official response from the White House. 48 (about half of them were crazy secession petitions). Since then, 2 of the 48 have received responses (and one had to do with building a Death Star).

    It was abundantly clear that in order to survive and to retain any level of legitimacy, the site had to restructure its signature threshold to make it a little bit harder to garner enough signature to trigger an official response.

    Thankfully, the White House has done just that. Starting today, new petitions must receive 100,000 signatures in 30 days in order to receive a response from the administration. That’s up from the 25,000 that clearly wasn’t working, and 20x what was originally required when the site first opened up in 2011.

    “When we first raised the threshold — from 5,000 to 25,000 — we called it “a good problem to have.” Turns out that “good problem” is only getting better, so we’re making another adjustment to ensure we’re able to continue to give the most popular ideas the time they deserve. Starting today, as we move into a second term, petitions must receive 100,000 signatures in 30 days in order to receive an official response from the Obama Administration. This new threshold applies only to petitions created from this point forward and is not retroactively applied to ones that already exist,” says Macon Phillips on the White House blog.

    So does that mean the White House will be getting to work on those other 40+ petitions that deserve responses?

    Anyway, this is the right move. The site is becoming way too big for a 25,000 threshold. It’s probable that eventually, the 100,000 threshold will need to be adjusted. If you give people a voice, no matter how small it is, they usually take advantage of it.

    The White House says that participation has grown significantly in just the past two months: 2.4 million new users, 73,000 petitions, and 4.9 million signatures. In two months.

    Here’s why the 25,000-signature threshold just wasn’t working:

    “In the first 10 months of 2012, it took an average of 18 days for a new petition to cross the 25,000-signature threshold. In the last two months of the year, that average time was cut in half to just 9 days, and most petitions that crossed the threshold collected 25,000 signatures within five days of their creation. More than 60 percent of the petitions to cross threshold in all of 2012 did so in the last two months of the year.”

    In total, the site has seen 9.1 million signatures on 141,000 petitions from 5.4 million users since its creation. Out of those 141,000 total petitions, 21 different agencies and departments have offered 162 official responses.

  • White House Responds to Death Star Petition, Doesn’t Support Blowing Up Planets

    Sorry John D of Longmont, Colorado and the 34,000+ other who signed the Death Star petition: the White House has responded and the answer is no.

    The federal government will not be initiating a program to construct a functioning Death Star, despite the pleas of tens of thousands of Americans. They’ve just published an official response to the November petition that appeared on the We The People online petition site, saying that they share a desire for job creation too, but this isn’t the way.

    Here’s the White House’s reasoning:

    The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

    • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
    • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
    • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

    The original petition asked the U.S. government to “secure funding and resources, and begin construction on a Death Star by 2016.”

    The response was written by Paul Shawcross, Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget. It’s cleverly titled “This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For.”

    The White House did highlight some cool space tech that we can be proud of, in lieu of a functioning Death Star.

    “Even though the United States doesn’t have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we’ve got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we’re building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun. We are discovering hundreds of new planets in other star systems and building a much more powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the early days of the universe.

    We don’t have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke’s arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers,” said Shawcross.

    Last week, the White House responded to another petition, saying that they would not consider deporting British CNN host Piers Morgan for his stance on gun restrictions in the U.S.

  • Death Star Petition Passes 25,000 Signatures, So You Know What That Means

    Your move, White House.

    Among the many pressing issues facing our great nation, the people have rallied together in support of the most pressing one of all: our reckless lack of functioning Death Stars.

    A petition asking the Obama administration to gather the resources and begin production of our very own Death Star has passed the signature threshold on the White House’s We The People petition site. Crossing that 25,000 signature barrier means that the White House is forced to issue an official response.

    “Forced,” in theory. The White House says that they “will do our best to respond to petitions that cross the signature threshold in a timely fashion, however, depending on the topic and the overall volume of petitions from We the People, responses may be delayed.” So maybe they’ll get to it, maybe they won’t. But at least it’s officially on the list.

    Unfortunately, that list has other official responses ahead of it. As you may remember, a flood of secession petitions inundated the We The People site following President Obama’s reelection. A few of those petition actually succeeded in breaking the 25,000 signature threshold. Those petitions have yet to receive a response.

    The Death Star petition has its roots in 4chan and received additional promotion from reddit. Here’s what it asks:

    Those who sign here petition the United States government to secure funding and resources, and begin construction on a Death Star by 2016. By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense.

    As I said yesterday when I told you that the petition was nearing the signature threshold, this petition shows just how off the rails the White House’s online petition initiative has gone. Death Stars, secession – I’m pretty sure that this is pretty far from what they had in mind when they developed the portal back in 2011.

    But then again, the White House may have to respond to the people’s desire for a Death Star. Cool.

  • Death Star Petition Nears Signature Threshold on White House Site

    UPDATE: The petition has crossed the 25,000 signature threshold.

    ORIGINAL ARTICLE: In the near future, it’s possible that the White House will actually have to respond to the people’s suggestion that the U.S. Government begin construction on our own Death Star by the year 2016.

    That’s all thanks to the We The People online petition site, which has seen its share of publicity recently due to a flood of secession petitions that popped up shortly after the 2012 Presidential election. The White House started the We The People petition initiative in 2011 as a way to “provide a new way to petition the Obama Administration to take action on a range of important issues facing our country.”

    With the current rules, if a petition reaches 25,000 signatures in one month, the White House is supposed to issue an official response.

    Well, this Death Star petition has about 20,000 with two days to go.

    The actual petition, which was started on 4chan and further promoted on reddit, asks the Obama administration to “Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.” Here’s what the body of the petition says:

    Those who sign here petition the United States government to secure funding and resources, and begin construction on a Death Star by 2016. By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense.

    If it garners another 5,000 signatures in the next two days, the White House will be forced to issue an official response. Well, kind of:

    “We will do our best to respond to petitions that cross the signature threshold in a timely fashion, however, depending on the topic and the overall volume of petitions from We the People, responses may be delayed,” says the White House. And we’ve yet to see any official responses for the secession petitions – and a few of those crossed the 25,000 signature threshold.

    But we can hope. Part of me sees this for what it is: a bastardization of a serious process. Then again, nobody really thinks these We The People petitions can actually do anything. Also, it’s a petition to build a mf’in Death Star – what the hell am I thinking?

    Anyway, some guy already calculated that is would take approximately 833,315 years to even produce enough steel to begin construction of a Death Star. At current prices, it would cost a number with over 15 zeros to make. Then again, the Death Star petition is probably more likely to work than any of those secession petitions.