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Tag: conspiracies

  • Glenn Beck Gets Human With Startling Health Revelation

    “Rush Limbaugh says he does the show with half his brain tied behind his back,” Glenn Beck said. “With me, it’s actually been true. But now, it’s back online.”

    Glenn Beck is not universally loved. The man has churned out some of the most derided theories and accusations during his days at Fox News and in his own productions.

    These include:

    – Suspicions that Google is spying on conservatives, including him, for the “U.S. Government”.

    – The existence of “System X” in public schools, which includes sensors in students’ desks and MRI machines that gather information to allow people to be controlled by one political party.

    – The “government coverup” of the involvement of a “Saudi national” in the Boston Marathon bombing.

    – The U.S. government is seizing land through Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to set up a new “land-backed” currency in America.

    – There are many more. And these kinds of things finally drove Fox News to sack Beck in 2011 to salvage their deteriorating reputation as a news agency.

    Lots of people roll their eyes and dismiss Beck nowadays. But the man has now come forward with a tale that even his most ardent opponent should pause before making light of.

    “While I was at Fox, the pain would get so bad that my camera crew, our executive producer Tiffany and I, had worked out hand signals so they would know when to take the camera off of me,” Beck said on his online show. “We didn’t know at the time what was causing me to feel as though, out of nowhere, my hands and feet, or arms and legs would feel like someone had just crushed them, set them on fire or pushed broken glass into them.”

    Beck had a condition that took years to diagnose and decipher. It was not only incredibly painful, it sometimes rendered him immobile.

    “Most afternoons my hands would start to shake, or my hands and feet began to curl and eventually — if I didn’t stop and rest, I began to curl into a fetal position,” Beck said. “This has baffled some of the best doctors in the world. It has frightened me and my family, and I didn’t know what was happening.”

    The condition not only affected him physically, but severely debilitated his memory. Oddly, it also enabled him to function on very little sleep each night. But the odd mix of symptoms was crumpling him. Beck considered abandoning his career and giving attention to his family, fearing that his death was approaching quickly.

    “We were all in the kitchen as a family,” he recounted, “and I had an attack. … I saw the faces of my children, and the idea that I would someday not remember them, nor would I remember my soon-to-be-born grandchild, hit me like a bag of bricks. And we looked at each other and I asked, ‘What am I doing? Maybe we should all move up to the mountains and spend all the time I have left together.’”

    Beck eventually found doctors who were able to get to the root of his condition.

    “After a few short visits, they found that I had several things going on, from an autoimmune disorder to adrenal fatigue. They also found the connection to everything that was going on, and for the first time gave us hope that we could reboot my system — not just stop it, but reverse things,” Beck said. “Me never having to sleep was finally understandable. The last sign of adrenal failure is a hyperextension of your adrenal glands. In other words, I didn’t need sleep.”

    “But now that I had blown out my system, all I could do is sleep,” Beck continued. “My immune system was looking at these natural hormones as an infection and so my body was trying to kill its most basic functions.”

    The good news — and it is good news when anyone finds a way out of their suffering, whether you like or agree with them or not — is that Beck is improving.

    Beck now declares, “After months of treatment and completely changing the way I eat, sleep, work and live, along with ongoing hormone treatment and intensive physical therapy, I have reversed the process. Some of the physical scars will be with me for the rest of my life … but my brain is back online in a big way.”

  • 911 Call For Bigfoot: Only Bear Tracks Found

    Bigfoot sightings are a perennial sideshow in the U.S. Vague claims invariably turn out to be regular animal hair, gorilla suits, hoaxes, or nothing at all.

    This week, a man in Pennsylvania kicked off the latest Bigfoot mania with a bizarre call to 911. According to a report from a CBS affiliate in central Pennsylvania, John Winesickle of Altoona, Pennsylvania this week called police claiming to have evidence for the elusive creature.

    Police humored the man, sending out an officer to investigate what Winesickle claimed were Bigfoot tracks. The officer followed the man into the woods, investigated the prints, and concluded that the tracks were left by a bear.

    It appears that Winesickle was not trying to pull one over on police, but was genuinely mistaken about the animal prints. In fact, the man still believes that the tracks he found were left by Bigfoot.

    “No, no, no, no, no,” said Winesickle. “See, a bear can’t go down a steep bank on all twos. That’s proven this is a Bigfoot.”

    Winesickle also claims that he has heard Bigfoot calls while out in the woods, saying, “The voice is so deep. “I’ve heard bass singers on television – they can’t even come close to the bass sound that it made towards me.”

  • The Moon Landing Wasn’t Faked, But Here’s Another Reason Why

    There are still people out there who believe that the 1969 Moon landing was a hoax, perpetrated by the U.S. government and that everyone involved has successfully kept that fact from being exposed and proven for over 40 years. If you believe this, feel free to express those feelings to Buzz Aldrin.

    Anyway, it’s garbage. But it’s always nice to see some guy explain why it’s garbage in a simple, well-constructed video.

    Simply put: The American Government didn’t fake the Moon landing because they couldn’t have faked the moon landing. Technologically speaking.

    “Please understand, I’m not saying this defend the honor of the United States. The U.S Government lies all the time about all kinds of things. And if they haven’t lied to you today, maybe they haven’t had coffee,” says our narrator.

    But the fact remains. In 1969, we had the technology to send a man to moon but we didn’t have the technology to fake send a man to the moon.

    [sgcollins via Gizmodo]

  • Astounding Mars Image Finds Wall-E?

    Astounding Mars Image Finds Wall-E?

    NASA has had the rover “Opportunity” on the surface of Mars for a long time now. Every now and then it takes these fantastic streaming photos of the mars lanscape. Warning, do not stare into the photo, you will get sucked in and lost! This photo that the ‘Opportunity‘ took is facing eastward across the Endeavour Crater that spans 14 miles (22 kilometres) in diameter.

    The photo is funny because it seems to depict the little character form the Pixar film Wall-E. It does look as though NASA is starting to learn that if it immediately comes out and refutes things or puts out a statement about weird things, people shut up and no conspiracies start. Here is the sattement released by NASA:

    “The rover used the panoramic camera (Pancam) between about 4.30 and 5.00PM. local Mars time to record images taken through different filters and combined into this mosaic view. Most of the component images were recorded during the 2,888th Martian day, or sol, of Opportunity’s work on Mars (9 March, 2012). At that time, Opportunity was spending low-solar-energy weeks of the Martian winter at the Greeley Haven outcrop on the Cape York segment of Endeavour’s western rim. In order to give the mosaic a rectangular aspect, some small parts of the edges of the mosaic and sky were filled in with parts of an image acquired earlier as part of a 360-degree panorama from the same location.”

    So no crazy fake cartoon robots found on Mars today! Maybe tomorrow NASA can refute the existence of unicorns on Mars.

  • Obama’s Birth Certificate: New Conspiracy Theories

    It has been a rough week for the Birthers.  After 2 and 1/2 years of demands that President Barack Obama release his long-form birth certificate to prove that he is, in fact, an American citizen qualified to serve as Commander-in-Chief – he did just that.  He released it.

    Presented with the document for which they had been asking, they have now begun to do what any good conspiracy theorists would do – reject its legitimacy.  Because as we are all aware, America loves a conspiracy.  And conspiracies never really die, they evolve.

    Here is a culling of many of the new problems that the Birthers have with the long-form birth certificate.  For all specifics, please refer to the (completely unaltered) copy of the document below.

    • Let’s start at the top.  What the hell is a “certificate of live birth?”  That’s what the old short-form one said.  Can this man not just provide a “birth certificate?”  Not the same thing.  Seriously.
    • If you look at the left side, it is obviously copied from a bound book.  The background outside the book parameters matches up too seamlessly with the book page pattern.  Shopped.
    • It’s missing everything that a birth certificate should have – the birth weight, a cute little baby-footprint and an official seal.  What gives?
    • Obama was “born” on August 4th, 1961.  The date the certificate was accepted is August 8th, 1961.  What’s the hold-up, guys? Hiding something?
    • There are two small, very faint Xs above the twin and triplet boxes at the top.  Does Obama have identical siblings.  Are they all Obama? Are all 3 of them running the country?  Is it like Multiplicity?
    • In the “Father’s Race” box, it says “African.”  If this was really written in 1961, the race would say “Colored” or “Negro.”  And while we are on the subject of races, the type for the mother’s race “Caucasian” is way too perfect.  No typewriter in 1961 could type so perfectly.
    • Under hour of birth, the “M” in “P.M” is a different font.  Might as well be in Comic Sans.
    • The box next to the name of the attendant is all smudged and stuff.
    • There has to be something to the barely visible vertical numbers on the right side of the certificate.  Looks like something 991.
    • The doc who signed the certificate died 8 years ago.  Oh, how convenient.  Looks like we’ll never get him to talk.

    Ok, that was fun.  But the conspiracy sub-conspiracy that is beginning to gain to most traction on the interwebs is the so called “layers” conspiracy.  Apparently, if you open up the birth certificate in Photoshop or something similar, you can see and are able to manipulate multiple layers.  This obviously means that someone shopped the certificate and screwed up the part of forgery where you make it not look like a forgery.  Videos have hit YouTube as demonstration of the “layers” conspiracy.  Check it out:

    As Gawker points out, it truly is best left to a YouTube commenter to explain this phenomenon:

    It’s called OCR (optical character recognition). Acrobat and many scanners do this by default. It detects letters and words on the page and allows you to add selectable text to the document without having to type it in manually.

    Notice how when you hide a layer, it’s white behind it? If it was truly forged, you wouldn’t see any of the background missing. It’s white because it doesn’t know what’s behind the text BECAUSE THE TEXT WAS THERE WHEN IT WAS SCANNED.

    Beliefs on Barack Obama’s political stances and policies aside, you have to be amazed by the persistence of this group.  Their ability to keep finding points of contention even when presented with the very evidence they demanded is staggering.  Who said Americans never work hard at anything?

    Thanks to Buzzfeed, Gawker and Smoking Gun.