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Tag: 50 shades of grey

  • Emilia Clarke: ‘Huge Amount Nudity’ Caused the Actress to Turn Down ’50 Shades of Grey’

    Emilia Clarke says nudity was the reason she turned down the opportunity to play Anastasia Steele in the Fifty Shades of Grey.

    It wasn’t just the nudity because she’s not opposed to taking it off as Daenerys Targaryen in HBO’s The Game of Thrones.

    Emilia Clarke told Marie Claire U.K. for its July cover that it wasn’t the nudity that bothered her, but the “huge amount of nudity” and the fear of becoming “pigeonholed” for being open to baring it all.

    “I really wanted to work with Sam Taylor-Johnson because she’s f–king amazing. But there is a huge amount of nudity in the film,” Emilia Clarke said. “I’ll never say ‘I’m never doing nudity,’ because I’ve already done it, but I thought I might get stuck in a pigeonhole that I would have struggled to get out of.”

    Because of the nudity in Game of Thrones when she became a household name, Emilia Clarke learned early on not to Google herself.

    “I remember when everything first kicked off, I Googled myself. You just do; it’s instinct. But never again. It just takes that one person who says, ‘She’s a fat bitch,’ and you’re like, ‘I’m a fat bitch!’” Emilia Clarke said.

    Back in March, Emilia Clarke made similar comments in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter.

    “I’d done nudity before and was concerned with being labeled for doing it again,” Emilia Clarke said.

    Do you think Emilia Clarke would have been a good choice to play Anastasia Steele?

  • Paris Hilton Is All About Madonna and ’50 Shades of Grey’ For Her New Music Video

    Paris Hilton is all about Madonna and 50 Shades of Grey for her new music video.

    The hotel heiress, who likes to diversify in her career, which includes singing, fashion, DJ-ing and a whole slew of other interests.

    Her latest endeavor is a new music video for her single High off My Love.

    The video has a definite S&M vibe about it, which Paris Hilton says was inspired by the sexy book and film.

    “I always love Madonna’s Justify My Love, so I did the video with that in mind. Also I like 50 Shades of Grey, so it’s a mixture of both… It’s so good, it’s so gorgeous,” she gushed about the music video to British edition of OK! magazine.

    “It [Paris’ music video] has an S&M vibe, outfits, just a bunch of male models making out, like, sexual,” said the magazine about the video.

    Paris Hilton, 34, who is currently single, wanted the song and video to capture the feelings that falling in love inspires.

    “I was in Miami writing the song and I wanted it to be about love and how it makes you feel alive, high, good and amazing,” she smiled.

    “So that’s why I came up with the track, and I wanted to do something different to my other videos.”

    Paris Hilton has dated Benji Madden and Jared Leto, among others, in the past. She most recently broke up from 23-year-old model last July. However, that hasn’t kept her from reflecting on love and to keep optimistic about her love life in the future.

    While Paris continues to enjoy the single life, her 31-year-old sister Nicky Hilton is busy planning her wedding to James Rothschild. Paris will serve as her sister’s maid of honor and has said she’s busy dreaming up a special bachelorette party.

  • This Is What 90% Smartphone Penetration Looks Like

    This Is What 90% Smartphone Penetration Looks Like

    ComScore just released a new report on U.S. smartphone penetration – or, if you don’t like the sound of that, call it the percentage of a certain market using smartphones.

    Bottom line: everyone has a smartphone. Actually, about 77% – but that’s a whole lot. When you look at the younger generations, it’s even more staggering.

    “Millennials continue to be the pace-setters for smartphone adoption, with 18-24 year olds and 25-34 year olds both hovering around 90 percent adoption. While teens have historically had slower adoption rates than their slightly older counterparts, they have been making up ground quickly and are now at 85 percent,” says ComScore.

    Would you like to see what 90% smartphone penetration looks like? Here’s a recent performance on The TODAY Show, and speaking of penetration, it just so happens to be The Weeknd performing his track “Earned It” off the 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack.

    Ok, not everyone in the crowd is between the ages of 18 and 24, but the percentage of 13-17, 25-34, and 35-44-year-olds with smartphones isn’t far off that 90% mark:

    “When I was growing up in the 1980s, cable TV was still seen as something of a luxury and I remember that several of my childhood friends not having it in their households. By the time the 1990s rolled around, almost everyone I knew had cable. It wasn’t that cable had gotten any more affordable, it was just that what was happening on cable TV had grown as a part of our culture. At some point those who could afford cable TV and didn’t have it probably began to feel like they weren’t keeping up with the times,” says ComScore’s Andrew Lipsman.

    Precisely. If it’s not on Instagram, did it even f*cking happen?

  • Dakota Johnson’s SNL Monologue Mocks ’50 Shades of Grey,’ Features Parents Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson

    Dakota Johnson has had quite the month with the release of her much-anticipated film Fifty Shades of Grey.

    Dakota Johnson rounded out her stellar month by following in her mom Melanie Griffith’s footsteps Saturday by hosting Saturday Night Live.

    Mom Melanie Griffith hosted in the ’80s and last night Dakota Johnson had her turn by taking on a variety of characters, including aa introverted blogger, an ISIS recruit and even Emma Stone.

    Dakota Johnson started her monologue by dissing the latest New York weather.

    “New York is so beautiful this time of year; just kidding” said Johnson.

    Dakota Johnson then mocked the film that has made her a household name, Fifty Shades of Grey.

    “I have a feeling at next year’s Oscars, it’s going to be… not anywhere,” she predicted glumly.

    She then pointed out that the movie has “already made like $500 million” and has a “very specific group of fans.”

    A leather-clad man then interrupted, but Dakota Johnson said she wasn’t taking any audience questions.

    “What if I begged?” he asked, before saying he wanted Johnson to sign wife’s ball gag.

    Johnson explained who her parents are and shared about her mom hosting the show.

    “In December of 1988, my mother stood in exact spot and hosted ‘SNL,’” she said.

    “And this is true — right after the show, my father got down on one knee and proposed to her, for the second time. And exactly 9 months later I was born. So I must’ve been conceived after the show or even during the show.”

    The camera then panned to Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson in the audience, shielding their eyes.

    Johnson asked her parents if they were embarrassed to watch her now.

    “We were just afraid you were going to be naked,” quipped Don Johnson.

  • Lolo Jones Joins Camp That Think “50 Shades Of Grey” Is Harmful To Society

    Lolo Jones, talented athlete and outspoken Christian, has joined the movement of people who think 50 Shades of Grey is trash and harmful to our society.

    Lolo Jones and many others out there have made known their distaste for the erotic novels.

    They have blogged, tweeted, and shared their way into the fray with strong opposition to the “mommy porn” books and now, the movie.

    Lolo Jones is a notorious virgin and starred in the latest Left Behind movie with Nicolas Cage.

    Therefore, her stance is not surprising.

    Lolo Jones also proposed a theory as to why the movie’s premise is so popular and relateable in our society.

    Her social media posts about 50 Shades of Grey earned her a backlashing like she most likely never imagined.

    Lolo Jones took to Facebook to defend herself and her stance.

    In her post, Lolo Jones says (after listing some pretty terrible and crude names people have hurled at her since her tweets), “I just wish every woman would know she is worth more than what this movie depicts. And that every man knows being a gentleman is not outdated.”

    What do you think about 50 Shades of Grey?

    Do you agree with Lolo Jones that the franchise is bad for our society, as a whole?

    Even if you don’t, do you feel that the reaction to her tweets was a little harsh?

  • “50 Shades Of Grey” Teaser Gets Beyonce Fans Hot And Bothered

    50 Shades Of Grey has become a worldwide hit in book form, and it looks like the upcoming film will do the same. And if Beyonce’s teaser on her Instagram account is a suggestion of what’s to come, it may do even better than expected.

    The singer put up a little trailer this week showing some suggestive clips set to a slowed-down version of “Crazy In Love” with the promise of something big to come on Thursday, which immediately set off a media blitz as everyone tried to figure out exactly what Queen Bey has to do with the movie. It seems like her music will, at the very least, be used in the marketing campaign for the film, but it’s unclear if she will have input on the soundtrack.

    The clip hints at a bigger trailer to be unveiled later this week, but Beyonce is currently busy with her On The Run tour at the moment and hasn’t commented.

    Producers of the film had a difficult time with casting before they found the perfect couple to portray the book’s adventurous characters; Charlie Hunnam, who plays Jax Teller on Sons Of Anarchy, was originally cast as Christian Grey but backed out due to time constraints while filming his show.

    “The filmmakers of Fifty Shades of Grey and Charlie Hunnam have agreed to find another male lead given Hunnam’s immerse TV schedule which is not allowing him time to adequately prepare for the role of Christian Grey,” read a statement from the studio last October.

    Actors Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson were eventually given the roles of Christian and Anastasia. The film opens in February 2015.

    Image via YouTube

  • Victor Rasuk: New Actor Added To 50 Shades Of Grey

    Victor Rasuk is the latest actor to be added to the anticipated adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey. Whether or not someone is a fan of the books and looking forward to the film or not, it has been hard to avoid all of the controversy going around about the film.

    The big story for a long time was about who would be play the character of Christian Grey, a role that finally went to Jamie Dornan after Sons Of Anarchy star Charlie Hunnam was forced to back out of the role.

    After all the delay in casting the main character, Rasuk has now been cast to play Grey’s rival, in his quest for his love Anastasia Steele.

    Rasuk had his breakthrough role in Raising Victor Vargas, and later starred in Lords of Dogtown. He also appeared in Jobs, the Steve Jobs biopic, earlier this year. He is perhaps most well-known for his role on How To Make It In America, a show that lasted only 16 episodes on HBO.

    In the film Victor Rasuk will play Jose Rodriguez, an aspiring photographer and classmate with Steele. His close friendship with the girl leads him to rival Grey, as he quickly wants more than just a friendship with the young beauty, played by Dakota Johnson.

    50 Shades of Grey is based on the novel by E.L. James, and is being directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson. The best selling novel is filled with sex and romance, and was a big favorite for many women in recent years.

    The casting for such a film is always a difficult task, but it seems to be finally coming together with Victor Rasuk being added as one of the final main characters to the story. Jennifer Ehle has also been added to the cast as Steele’s mother.

    Image via Youtube

  • Jamie Dornan Is The New Christian Grey

    Okay ladies (and some gentleman), you can calm down, the part of Christian Grey has been cast (again). Model/actor Jamie Dornan will don those wonderfully hung jeans and enter the red room of pain. (If you don’t understand, read the books.)

    Ever since Charlie Hunnam dropped out of the Fifty Shades of Grey film, there has been pandemonium. While many were excited to see him leave, others had just gotten used to the idea of Hunnam as billionaire Christian Grey.

    Rumors have been swirling all over the place on who would replace Hunnam as the kinky Grey. Many were hoping Matt Bomer would fill the role. Some of the names that had been tossed around included Jamie Dornan, Alexander Skarsgard, Christian Cooke, and most recently Luke Bracey. But it looks like Dornan won out as the dominant (seriously, read the books) Christian Grey.

    Though Focus/Universal declined to confirm the news, an inside source said Dornan is in the final talks to play the BDSM enthusiast opposite Dakota Johnson’s Anastasia Steele.

    Dornan wasn’t the only person who was strongly considered for the role. Like Dornan, Tony-nominated actor Billy Magnussen also read for the role with Johnson on Friday.

    With shooting for the film scheduled to start mid-November, there was a bit of a rush to find someone to play the main character from the famous erotica novels.

    Many have taken to Twitter, sharing their pleasure with the choice of Dornan.

    And just a little more proof that maybe they chose right this time.

    As expected, some people are still not pleased.

    Image via YouTube.

  • “50 Shades”: Model/Actor To Take Over The Lead?

    “50 Shades Of Grey” has been on the minds, lips, and fingertips of seemingly everyone (and by “fingertips”, I mean people have been writing about it all over the web. Get your minds out of the gutter, sickos) lately, first because of the news that “Sons Of Anarchy” star Charlie Hunnam would be playing Christian Grey and then because of the news that he’d backed out. Now, a new name is being thrown into the pot of actors who could be taking the role, and fans are pretty pleased.

    Model-turned-actor Jamie Dornan has starred on “The Fall”, “Once Upon A Time”, and those Calvin Klein ads that haunt your dreams. And if his time on “The Fall” tells us anything, it’s that the Belfast-born actor isn’t too shy to get a little dirty.

    “I spent a day strangling myself on the back of a door while I masturbated to a driving license of one my victims,” he said of shooting the show. “And they cut it out! I couldn’t believe it—they didn’t even tell me. When I first watched the series, it just wasn’t there!”

    While it’s always difficult finding an actor or actress to portray a role made famous in a book, Dornan certainly has those smoldering looks that the writers of bodice-ripper romance novels are always going on about. Of course, looks aren’t enough; the character of Christian Grey has some very specific quirks that need to be tended to, as well. At least one person thinks Leonardo DiCaprio should fill the role because of his intensity.

    Due to Hunnam’s dropout, the studio is reportedly looking to fill the role posthaste, and will build the rest of the cast around Dakota Johnson, who will play Anastasia Steele.

    Image: Wikimedia Commons

  • Dakota Johnson Still Committed to “50 Shades”

    Dakota Johnson, 24, is not standing idly by while producers of the Fifty Shades of Grey adaptation search for her new leading man. According to Hollywood Life, the actress is looking to join the hunt. They report from an industry source, “For Dakota, she was sad that Charlie [Hunnam] had to back out but she is very excited to see who will take the role. She is in constant contact with producers and the studio and she is very willing to help out in any way and is looking forward to do readings with everyone who is available for the role.”

    Fans of Johnson, who is cast as Anastasia Steele, were a little nervous with the troupe turbulence as the pairing of Johnson and Hunnam was reported to be based on their chemistry, but producers promise their commitment to Johnson is as solid as when they cast her back in early September.

    But the rumor mill is certainly full of conjecture that the fame and pressure may get to Johnson as it did Hunnam.

    twitter on Johnson

    MTV News jumped on the speculation about Hunnam’s replacement with a ranking of possible new Christian Grey billionaires, in addition to popularly rumored Matt Bomer and Ian Somerholder. They name Alexander Skarsgard (True Blood), Jamie Dornan (Once Upon A Time), Theo James (Downton Abbey) and Christian Cooke (Magic City) as their top nominees for the literary world’s reigning king of seduction.

    Author of the book series, E.L. James, favors Robert Pattinson, who apparently has no plans to don another franchise role at this time.

    Daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith, Johnson is scheduled for two more 2014 releases in addition to Fifty Shades (due out 1 August 2014). Need for Speed with Aaron Paul, of Breaking Bad immortality, is in post-production and an adaptation of Shakespeare’s Cymbeline is currently filming.

    [Image via Fifty Shades of Grey The Movie Facebook.]

  • “50 Shades of Grey” Cast Charlie Hunman and Dakota Johnson for Lead Roles

    Fans need to wait no longer! Author of the best selling trilogy, “50 Shades of Grey”, E L James, has announced via Twitter who will play the lead characters in the film adaptation of her popular book.

    Focus Features and Universal paid $5 million in March 2012 for movie rights to the trilogy, and since then there has been constant speculation on who would be cast as the main roles for the film. Now, the search is over! Dakota Johnson, whose most known roles include her characters in the movies “Ben and Kate” and “The Social Network” will play Anastasia Steele. Johnson also appeared in the movies, “The Five Year Engagement” and “21 Jump Street”. As for Christian Grey’s character, Charlie Hunnam from “Sons of Anarchy” will be tackling that role. You may recognize Hunnam from his lead role in “Pacific Rim” as well.

    Earlier today, E L James excitedly announced that Johnson and Hunman had agreed to play the characters in the film that is scheduled to debut on August 1, 2014.

    For those of you who have not read the erotic novels, here is the description from E L James’ website: “When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms. Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires. Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.”

  • Fifty Shades of Grey “Dangerous,” Says Researchers

    Fifty Shades of Grey was the most popular book of 2012. The E.L. James novel and it sequels topped Amazon’s charts and a movie adaptation is scheduled for release in August 2014.

    The novels tell the story of Anastasia Steele and her relationship with a man named Christian Grey. Grey eases Steele into his sexual proclivities throughout the novel, which include bondage and dominance/submission play. The themes of the book and its relatively graphic content have made it the subject of controversy. Fifty Shades of Grey, according to the American Library Association, was the fourth most challenged book in American libraries in 2012. Now a new study from researchers at Michigan State University is calling the Fifty Shades novels dangerous for women.

    The study, published in the Journal of Women’s Health, states that Fifty Shades of Grey perpetuates violence against women. The study’s authors point to “emotional and sexual abuse” in the novel, and conclude that Steele suffered harm.

    “This book is perpetuating dangerous abuse standards and yet it’s being cast as this romantic, erotic book for women,” said Amy Bonomi, lead author of the study and soon to be chairperson of Michigan State’s Department of Human Development and Family Studies. “The erotic content could have been accomplished without the theme of abuse.”

    Bonomi and her colleagues analyzed Fifty Shades, finding in the novel that Steele’s behavior mirrors that of abused women, as cited by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In particular, the study points to Steele’s disempowerment and “mechanized” behavior in response to Grey’s actions.

  • Emma Watson: Rumors About ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Casting Denied

    For nearly a year now, rumors have been flying that British actress Emma Watson has been cast in the role of Anastasia Steele in the upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey movie adaptation.

    Unfortunately for Watson’s fans and admirers, it appears that the rumors were all just wishful thinking.

    Watson took to her Twitter feed this weekend to dispel the rumors, sarcastically asking her followers if they actually think she would be in a Fifty Shades of Grey movie:

    Watson was, perhaps, pegged as a frontrunner for the role because of her age and popularity. The Harry Potter actress is one of only a handful of established actresses to be well within the age range to play the Steele character. In the book, Steele is a 21-year-old college student who is drawn into a BDSM relationship with an older man. The novel, along with its sequels, have found wild success, with over 65 million copies sold worldwide.

  • George Takei Reads “50 Shades Of Grey”

    George Takei Reads “50 Shades Of Grey”

    George Takei, of “Star Trek” and Awesome Human Being fame, recently took the time to read portions of “50 Shades Of Grey” out loud to us, because he’s rad like that.

    Takei’s deep voice and surprised inflection when he reads a particularly naughty bit is a priceless must-hear for fans of the book, or non-fans, or anyone in between. He also showed up on Conan recently to offer his “coming out services” for the holidays.

    Check out the videos and then head over to Takei’s Facebook page, because you’ll be all the more awesome for it.

  • Fifty Shades of Grey Shocks as Top Amazon Book of the Year

    No really, of course. Nobody should be surprised that an entry in the popular trilogy took Amazon’s yearly crown, as it was a pretty big year for masturbatory fiction.

    It was actually book three (Fifty Shades Freed) that grabbed the top spot. That’s because the first two in series, not published in 2012, couldn’t be included in the list. The E.L. James novel was followed by Gillian Flynn’s “Gone Girl: A Novel” and the 3-volume boxed set of the Fifty Shades series. The rest of the top ten list, which take into account print and Kindle versions, is as follows:

    “Bared to You: A Crossfire Novel” by Sylvia Day; “No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account of the Mission That Killed Osama Bin Laden” by Mark Owen; “The Marriage Bargain (Marriage to a Billionaire)” by Jennifer Probst; “Reflected in You: A Crossfire Novel” by Sylvia Day; “The Racketeer” by John Grisham; “Defending Jacob: A Novel” by William Landay; “The Innocent” by David Baldacci.

    “This was truly the year of the billionaire bad boy in romance—Amazon readers just couldn’t get enough of the genre,” said Sara Nelson, Editorial Director of Books and Kindle at Amazon. “While E. L. James published the first two books in her Fifty Shades trilogy in 2011, so they aren’t eligible for our 2012 list, the series really took off this year and propelled the third installment and the omnibus edition onto our top 10 list. It’s also interesting to note that four of the five contemporary romance titles in the top 10 list, including the Fifty Shades trilogy, were originally independently published and went on to become huge best sellers.”

    When it comes to kids & teens books, a Fifty Shades book didn’t win (luckily). What did claim the top overall spot was “The Mark of Athena,” book three in Rick Riordan’s “Heroes of Olympus” series. Here’s the rest of that top ten list, in order:

    The Third Wheel (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 7)” by Jeff Kinney; “Insurgent (Divergent)” by Veronica Roth; “The Serpent’s Shadow (The Kane Chronicles, Book 3)” by Rick Riordan; “The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green; “City of Lost Souls (Mortal Instruments)” by Cassandra Clare; “While it Lasts” by Abbi Glines; “The Rise of Nine (Lorien Legacies, Book 3)” by Pittacus Lore; “Wonder” by R. J. Palacio; “Nevermore: The Final Maximum Ride Adventure (Book 8)” by James Patterson.

    Amazon has the whole top-100 lists for both print and Kindle, adult and kids available on their Best Books 2012 page.

  • 50 Shades of Grey in 50 Famous Voices [VIDEO]

    We’ve heard masturbatory mega-hit Fifty Shade of Grey read by Duke Nukem, Zach Galifianakis and Will Ferrell, and Morgan Freeman (kind of).

    Now, hear it read by fifty famous voices.

    “Internet Voiceman” Brock Baker presents “Fifty Impressions of Grey” [NSFW]:

    Here’s the full list of voices, if you want to go back and find a specific one:

    Christopher Walken, Don Pardo, Mickey Mouse, George Takei, Skeletor, Robert De Niro, Winnie the Pooh, Zoidberg, Yoda, Gilbert Gottfried, Bane, Goofy, Peter Griffin, Bill Clinton, Roger Rabbit, Patrick Warburton, Elmo, Bobcat Goldthwait, Jeff Goldblum, Robin Williams, Frank Sinatra, Daffy Duck, Zapp Brannigan, William Shatner, Herbert, Peter Lorre, George W Bush, Nicolas Cage, Shaggy, Joker, Scooby Doo, Kermit the Frog, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Adam Sandler, Tony Soprano, Homer Simpson, Rodney Dangerfield, Pee-Wee Herman, Hank Hill, Paul Lynde, Plankton, Truman Capote, Macho Man Randy Savage, The Mad Hatter, Jon Benjamin, Mr. Mackey, Strongbad, Smeagol, Bill Cosby, Jon Lovitz, and Tommy Wiseau.

  • Morgan Freeman Reads 50 Shades of Grey…Kind Of

    If you close your eyes and listen to the following clip, you’ll swear that Oscar-winning actor Morgan Freeman has gone off the deep end and submitted to reading excerpts from masturbatory mega-hit Fifty Shades of Grey.

    Well, he hasn’t. But this is just about as close as we’re ever going to get to hearing the legendary screen presence talk about ”kinky f*ckery.”

    Impressionist Josh Robert Thompson does an amazing Morgan Freeman impression. Seriously, it’s probably the best one in the world right now, and there are a lot of people out there that think they can do a good Morgan Freeman. Thompson has worked on epsidoes of Family Guy, American Dad, and various films & video games. But it’s his Morgan Freeman impression that has garnered him some internet fame as of late. You may remember a certain viral hit that involved Thompson, Freeman, and titty sprinkles.

    Now, he’s put his wonderful skills on display again. Sit back, close your eyes, and imagine Morgan Freeman narrating one of the biggest literary hits of the past year (with a bit of extra commentary sprinkled in). I probably don’t have to say this, but I will: NSFW.

  • Create Your Own Random Filth with This Fifty Shades Text Generator [NSFW]

    If you’ve spent any time perusing the pages of masturbatory fan fiction superhit Fifty Shades of Grey, you may have wondered how the author came up with some of erotic sequences. For your consideration, I suggest it may have been the work of a filthy text generator.

    And if you want to get your fill of painfully strained euphemisms and erotically-charged purple prose, the Fifty Shades Generator is right up your alley.

    Here’s the pitch:

    The Fifty Shades Generator is a breakthrough in erotic fiction. At the click of a button, it generates world-class literature based on a pre-defined vocabulary.

    Traditionally, print and web designers had to make use of placeholder text known as Lorem Ipsum. It consists of meaningless Latin, though recently there have been great developments in the field such as Bacon Ipsum, Hipster Ipsum and Samuel L Ipsum. Now, creatives can excite clients in more ways than one with Fifty Shades of Grey-inspired filler text.

    Don’t you want to see what random filth you can generate? Here, let’s take a look at one:

    (image)

    And for your immense pleasure, here are some brave souls doing some dramatic readings of the random 50 shades text:

    Check it out. You might want to wait until you get home, as some workplace environments my not be conducive to such literary passion.

    [Fifty Shades Generator via Gizmodo]

  • Fifty Shades of Grey, as Performed by Zach Galifianakis and Will Ferrell

    Let’s just say that I don’t expect an audiobook anytime soon.

    During a promotional interview for their upcoming film The Campaign, Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis were surprised and asked to give an impromptu dramatic reading of popular masturbatory fan fiction megahit Fifty Shades of Grey.

    Other than utter confusion and a lack of any sense of syntactical structure, I think they did a bang up job.

    The writing is indeed exquisite.

    With all do respect to Mr. Galifianakis and Mr. Ferrell, I don’t know if it can top this (NSFW):

  • Only Duke Nukem Can Make 50 Shades of Grey Palatable

    Happy Hump Day, everyone. And what better way to celebrate than with a dramatic reading of masturbatory fan fiction hit Fifty Shades of Grey?

    If those words just made you cringe, you’re probably not alone. But what makes this interpretation worth it is the fact that the book is being read by none other than Duke Nukem himself.

    Yep, someone got Jon St. John (Nukem’s voice actor) to read a few lines from the BDSM housewife handbook.

    I know that even with Duke Nukem’s cool factor, you’re still going to have to listen to a paragraph of Fifty Shades of Grey. That’s painful, and I do apologize. But it’s worth it just to hear the line “My inner goddess in doing the dance of the seven veils.” Check it out below:

    Better or worse than the Gilbert Gottfried interpretation? Tough call.

  • 50 Shades Of Grey Causes Steak Sauce Attack On Woman

    The book 50 Shades Of Grey has been everywhere lately, its popularity no doubt fueled by the fact that it began as Twilight fan-fiction. Who doesn’t want to read about Edward and Bella knockin’ some boots?

    Apparently, the highly sexual nature of the book didn’t sit well with one British man, however; when Raymond Hodgson discovered his girlfriend, Emma McCormick, was reading it he became agitated and the two began fighting via phone and text message. He just couldn’t shake the argument even after he hung up, it seems, so he drove to his girlfriend’s house, where he slapped her in the face and then threw steak sauce on her.

    When police arrived, Hodgson told them he’d done it because he felt the book was pornographic and “wrong”. He has since been ordered to reimburse McCormick for court costs and has been issued a 6 p.m. curfew for several weeks. Prosecutor Adrienne Harris says the two have since made peace with one another.

    “He didn’t realise that the sauce incident would be classed as an assault. He is sorry for his actions,” she said.

    The book in question has enjoyed enormous success and is trending to reach the 20 million sold mark faster than The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.