Stephen Hawking, The Bachelor, and Homeless Hotspots

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Stephen Hawking, The Bachelor, and Homeless Hotspots
Written by Josh Wolford

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

Pretty sure the vibration of my iPhone is all I’d need to hear in order to wake up from a coma.(image) 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

So Fab Melo is out. John Henson is hurt. It’s like everybody EXCEPT John Calipari is vacating this tournament.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Stephen Hawking will appear on an upcoming episode of “Big Bang Theory,” where he will have only the third most robotic voice.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Want a Bachelor spoiler for every season ever? Here goes… “the hottest one.”(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

REPORT: Dead air has asked to not be aired during Rush Limbaugh’s show.(image) 17 hours ago via Timely by Demandforce ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Fab Melo gives the whole “You can’t teach 7 feet” saying new meaning.(image) 1 hour ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Opinions are like assholes: I have two of them(image) 52 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Apple packaging is so nice I have real difficulty throwing it out. #FirstWorldProblems(image) 3 hours ago via iTweet for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Breaking Jon Hamm/Kim Kardashian War News: Kim hurls her antibiotics at Jon…Jon knocks them out of the air with his handsome.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Deciding to watch ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘Jersey Shore’ is like being on the toilet & deciding if you want to puke or have diarrhea on the floor.(image) 18 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Siri does the best Stephen Hawking impression.(image) 2 days ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I don’t think there’s homeopathic medicine that treats quinoa poisoning. #hipsterproblems(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I just found out Ronald Reagan used a teleprompter. Now I have to renounce my citizenship and join Al Qaeda.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I always caress the hand of the person handing me food at the drive-thru because convenience does not preclude kindness.(image) 2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Turning the homeless into WiFi hotspots is impressive, but what I really want is to turn them into a USB hub.(image) 3 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Just like the Eskimos have over 50 words for “snow,” the people of India have over 50 words for “diarrhea.”(image) 4 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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