Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we have tweets celebrating National Sandwich Day! We also find a revealing secret about the Dalai Lama and give a little advice to the porn industry.
I’m going to open a fast food place called ‘Chick Fil B’ that will only be open on Sundays and religious holidays.
Sorry porn industry, but a 40 year old woman with pigtails and knee-high socks isn’t “barely legal”.
Google+ account: I stop in three times a year, never tell it I love it, and I was blackout drunk when I created it.I’m a deadbeat dad to my
Today is National Sandwich Day. It is also National Housewife’s Day. Coincidence?
Justin hits 14 million followers? What? Why is he hitting people? Who does he think he is, Chris Brown?
BREAKING: Kim Kardashian has suddenly cut her Australian trip short, apparently mistaking it for a marriage.
When I die I want people to remember that I never once drove a car with a spoiler.
Judge not, lest ye be judged. Unless thou art Judge William Adams. In which case, thou art sooooooo judged.
In obits, make it unclear if the dead person is survived by people or pets: Dave is survived by Jane, Flopsy, George, and Mr. Barkelstein.
For me sex is like the Saw movies. It only happens once a year, everyone leaves disappointed, & usually there’s a puppet involved.
Not sure why BBQ restaurants call them spare ribs. Pretty sure the animal needed all his ribs.
I bet even the Dalai Lama has measured his penis.
It’s National Sandwich Day aka Make Sexist Jokes Day.
If you search “Do a barrel roll” google does a barrel roll! If you search “Tracy Chapman lyrics” gmail tells your family you’re suicidal.