There are a lot of people talking about Downton Abbey on Twitter today, now that PBS has run the season finale here in the U.S. While many had already seen the episode, a lot of American fans only got the opportunity to do so on Sunday. While I won’t spoil it here, suffice it to say, something big happened.
Comedian Patton Oswalt tweeted his way through the episode on Sunday night. Below is the majority of his recap, which ends with him drinking, crying, wanting to set an Arby’s on Fire and watching the movie Battleship. Beware of spoilers and language if you’re easily offended.
Okay, here we go…Sorry I’m late.#DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Okay, this scene between the new maid and Sybil’s widowed husband is Downton’s version of porn, right? #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Um, did “Shrimpy” give Ted Nugent 10 million pounds to decorate his house? #guns #guns #guns #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Oh dear god, Mrs. Patmore and Mr. Softon are doing some seriously doughy flirting. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
“Nothing turns the salad to hot lava in one’s bowels like bagpipes before the entree!” — Shrimpy #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
“Guns loaded? Smashing. RELEASE THE VAUDEVILLIANS!” — Shrimpy #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
How much cottage cheese is Softon smuggling in his mouth right now? #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
“Next thing you know she’ll be writing rubbish like PLANETARY and GLOBAL FREQUENCY.” — Lord Grantham #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Oh God, I want Bates to give ME a peppermint. If you know what I mean. Seriously, do you? I’m confused. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
“The Dowager’s been impregnated by Hastur. We’ll name her offspring ‘Warren.’ P’raps he’ll pen ‘funnybooks’.” #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
“Come and make a ‘four’ at bridge.” OH GOD THEY’RE DOING A HUMAN CENTIPEDE. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
“I’ve seen you naked, and held you in my arms.” — Matthew, just now. Also, Rush Limbaugh to his groundskeeper. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Everyone bid welcome to Shrimpy’s coachman, McAngus Lochscruggsman! #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
“Only Technically” would be a great title for a Bronski Beat EP.Good show Thomas!#DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Can’t believe I’m Tweeting this sober. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
I always bring my pewter deer statuette when I go on a picnic. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Wow. @thatdanstevens looks so good in his hunting tweeds they should retire his jacket. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Okay, I’m pouring myself a stiff Achentoshen.I’m picking up ominous vibes here… #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
What ISN’T this tug-of-war scene a sexual innuendo for? #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Wow, Mr. Softon is the stilton-fueled Warren Beatty of England, apparently. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Wow, this Carnival of Tragically Repressed Sexual Metaphors looks fun! #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Based on UK exchange rates in 1918, an under-the-bridge assault is good for one handjob. Good show, Thomas! #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
This makes me miss when my parents would put on plaid tartans and scream at each other on the stairs. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Of COURSE Carson is a baby whisperer. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Oh dear LORD, Molesley. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
“Shrimpy, my dear chap I’m so sorry” is my favorite Belle & Sebastian album. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Mrs. Patmore’s going to parboil that man right out of her hair! #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Make sure to look for my Downton porn novel, WHAT THE TOAST RACK SAW. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
There are a lot of drugged cocktails on this show, come to think of it. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Poor Thomas.In the “friend” zone. I sympathize, brother. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Oh fuck, what awful thing is coming? Does the baby kill someone? #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
The baby literally just made a “meh” motion with his mouth. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Are…you…fucking…KIDDING…me. #matthew #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
Oh GODDAMIT.GODDAMIT.That’s it?THAT’S IT?!? No fucking way. No. NOOOOOOOOO. @thatdanstevens #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
FUCK THIS.#DowntonPBS twitter.com/pattonoswalt/s…
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
This is where @warrenellis needs to step the fuck up and find a way to bring Matthew back. #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
I want to apologize ahead of time for the Arby’s I set on fire tomorrow. #matthew #rage #drunk #DowntonPBS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
I can’t take this. I CAN’T TAKE THIS. I’m going to watch the last 20 minutes of BATTLESHIP on HBO now. #DowntonPBS #Battleship #crying
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 18, 2013
From there, Oswalt proceeded to tweet his way through Battleship. Do yourself a favor and view his timeline.
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