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Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, Charlie Sheen, and Pierced Ears

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, Charlie Sheen, and Pierced Ears
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Today we have tweets about the Roast of Charlie Sheen as well as the premiere of the new Two and a Half Men. We also find why it’s hard to look masculine at a Starbucks, no matter what you do. Enjoy!

    Approx 6,747,435,699 other people on Earth joined me in not giving a shit about last night’s “Two and a Half Men” premiere. 21 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Threats are a violation of Twitter’s rules. RT: @justinbieber: oh yeah…and i think LESS THAN A MONTH…Im gonna give you some #newmusic 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

    When ur relatives drive you crazy just close your eyes & pretend it’s dialogue in a woody allen movie 1 hour ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto

    @CharlieSheen‘s the reason a dick with cocaine on it is called a #Sheenis.” @SethMacFarlane #SheenRoast http://t.co/jj9DFiif 15 hours ago via twitter ads · powered by @socialditto

    To learn more about the housewives, got to bravotv.com. To learn more THAN the housewives, read any book ever. 13 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    How old is Manny? RT @espn At what age does it become lame to bring your glove to the ballpark? 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    ‘FIERCE METAL JACKET’ #DADT 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    If I’m to believe television, and it’s never lied to me before, the 1960’s were dimly lit and everyone was a dick. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    50% of marriages end in a man over 40 getting his ear pierced. 11 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    (The experience of deciding to not use) Google+ is now open to everyone! 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    A guy could fuck a woman on top of the counter at Starbucks and he’d still sound gay ordering a chai tea latte with cinnamon sprinkles. 7 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

    I keep getting these creepy late-night phone calls from the CEO of Netflix saying that no one else is ever going to love me like he does. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

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