Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Gif. Soft g or hard g? #RejectedTownHallDebateQs
Beyonce will perform Super Bowl Halftime. CBS will not run a delay, as they don’t expect any complaints if there’s a wardrobe malfunction.
Almond Butter: For people that like peanut butter but don’t want to be happy.
Even if you had thirty paddles, Shit Creek sounds like a shitty place to be.
I know I’m getting older because now when friends tell me they’re pregnant I say “Congratulations!” instead of “Are you keeping it?”
Playing a “drinking game” during the #debate is a great way to let people know you’re not voting.
Taking pictures with an iPad is the new fanny pack.
Oh great. Now I have a crippling fear of finding Paul Ryan and his family outside my shower ready to wash me again.
My greatest daily affirmation is when Gmail gets excited that I’ve deleted all the spam messages.
Maine woman accused of running a prostitution ring out of her Zumba studio. I guess pole dancing workouts would’ve been too obvious.
“Two minutes, governor. A horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?” #RejectedTownHallDebateQs
If I was a doctor, every now and again I’d eat a giant burrito then give myself a sonogram.