Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
Now that the regular refs are back on the job, the @NFL‘s replacement refs can return to their usual jobs in Congress.
If you watch Breaking Bad backwards its about a drug kingpin who agrees to stop cooking meth if his wife stops being so annoying.
Thoughtfully and slowly rotating a pen while squinting has spared me a lifetime of actually listening.
I bet an alarm clock that sounds like Samuel L Jackson would work pretty darn well at getting people out of bed in the morning.
It makes me sad to think there are people in this world who have a favorite Kardashian.
If they really wanna find Jimmy Hoffa’s body? Hire Barry from Storage Wars. 2 hours tops.
Seahawks to hold wake today in the corner of their end zone for their tragic loss of the replacement refs.
Seeing “Twitter is over capacity” is like hearing Lindsay Lohan can’t work because of “exhaustion.” Get your shit together, Twitter.
Pretty much the only sanity left in the world is a photobombing stingray and a video of a pig saving a drowning goat.
Mike Love kicking Brian Wilson out of the Beach Boys is like Mitt Romney kicking Lincoln out of the GOP.
If your girlfriend switches to #iphone5 from iphone4 just for the sake of another 1/2 inches, you sir, have a problem.
The US will only get serious about the war on obesity if it turns out that fat people have oil.
If you’re motorin’, why do you care so much about flight prices? More like Sister Jewish.
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